The Blood Countess
Elizabeth Báthory lived in the late 16th and early 17th century in Hungary and she wasn’t a nice person. Hence the nickname of The Blood Countess. She was accused of some quite horrific crimes but the Rejected Princesses website doubts whether she was guilty of them at all, instead preferring that she was a dominant woman in a period of history when she needed to be. So no, she was not warm and cuddly. I absolutely believe she made life shitty for misbehaving servants (or, more likely, had her head servants do it for her). Some undoubtedly died from it – I mean, she had thousands of servants in an age before penicillin. In fact, one scholar claims that the more outlandish tortures (stinging nettles, metal rods, amateur acupuncture) were contemporary folk remedies. Tough lady? Yes. Cartoon supervillain? Hell no. Make your own mind up by reading the full article here. Amongst other things you’ll find a long list of the Blood Countess’s alleged crimes, including the force-feeding of hot cakes, strangling with silk scarves, and lacerating servants’ genitals with her teeth....
More Animated GIFs
What’s even better than coming up with something original, intelligent, witty, thought-provoking, or entertaining? Why, not doing any of those things of course! And so for something that’s not original, not intelligent, provokes not one single thought, and is less entertaining than sand-counting on Playa Boredomo, the most boring beach along the Costa del Dreary: more animated GIFs found amongst the posts of some of the sites I subscribe...
The Infinite Monkey Cage
Eric Idle, Professor Brian Cox, and Robin Ince star – or, at least, their puppets do – in this video to the new theme music for BBC Radio 4 programme The Infinite Monkey...
The War Of 1812
From the Smithsonian website comes this interesting account of the war of 1812 which cemented United States’ independence from Britain. They’ve been regretting it ever since, poor things. As the article explains here in Britain the War of 1812 isn’t that large a part of our history simply because we were more engrossed with defeating Napoleon at the same time. By contrast, the British historiography of the War of 1812 has generally consisted of short chapters squeezed between the grand sweeping narratives of the Napoleonic Wars. The justification for this begins with the numbers: Roughly 20,000 on all sides died fighting the War of 1812 compared with over 3.5 million in the Napoleonic. But the brevity with which the war has been treated has allowed a persistent myth to grow about British ignorance. In the 19th century, the Canadian historian William Kingsford was only half-joking when he commented, “The events of the War of 1812 have not been forgotten in England for they have never been known there.” In the 20th, another Canadian historian remarked that the War of 1812 is “an episode in history that makes everybody happy, because everybody interprets it differently…the English are happiest of all, because they don’t even know it happened.” For a quick history lesson read the full – not too long – article here: The British View the War of 1812 Quite Differently Than Americans...
Alberto Frog’s Coffee Problem
“Oh, Alberto Frog, thank you!” said Father Leopold. “Thank you for saving the church fête with your charity orchestral performance.” “An absolute pleasure,” said the orchestra’s conductor, beaming widely. “How ever can I thank you?” asked the priest. “Well…” said Alberto. “Um… Er…” Zebra knew what he was going to ask for. Kangaroo knew what he was going to ask for. Ostrich knew what he was going to ask for. “Well,” continued Alberto Frog. “I wouldn’t say no to a coffee.” There was a clang as cymbals fell to the floor and a loud gasp was heard from most of the orchestra. “Coffee?” asked Father Leopold. “Are you sure you wouldn’t like a milkshake?” “No,” said Alberto quickly. “Coffee. Please. Coffee.” “Er, okay. Any particular flavour?” Tiger thought Alberto might choose Bounty Island Cream. Flamingo thought Alberto might choose Blueberry and Vanilla. Elephant thought Alberto might choose Toasted Pecan. And Monkey thought Alberto might choose Chocolate Cherry. What do you think? “Anything. Anything will do,” said Alberto. “Come now, Alberto, you must have a favourite flavour of coffee.” Father Leopold’s smile was thin and forced. “I. Don’t. Care,” said Alberto through gritted teeth. Father Leopold was taken aback as he didn’t realise frogs had teeth. “Coffee. Any coffee. I just want a coffee.” “Would you like Blueberry and Vanilla coffee?” asked Flamingo, keen to be proven right. “JUST GIVE ME A FUCKING COFFEE!” screamed Alberto Frog. “I JUST WANT A FUCKING COFFEE!” “Steady now Alberto!” said Coelacanth, wary of how much much the baton was shaking in the conductor’s hand. “WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?” yelled Alberto. “WHY IS THERE A FUCKING COELACANTH IN MY ORCHESTRA?” “Hippo’s on maternity leave,” said Squirrel timidly. Alberto stared at the rodent with fury in his eyes. “Here!” said Father Leopold suddenly. “Here’s a coffee.” “Finally!” said Alberto, grabbing the offered mug from the priest’s hands and taking a loud slurp. The orchestra’s conductor’s shoulders relaxed immediately and Alberto closed his eyes, savouring the taste of the hot liquid. “Was that so fucking difficult?” he said quietly. Suddenly Alberto Frog felt a sharp pain in his left arm and a crushing weight on his chest. He clasped a hand to his heart even as it gave up beating to one of the many rhythms in the conductor’s head. Father Leopold and the orchestra looked on as the amphibian died from a massive heart attack. “Stress,” said Raccoon, breaking the silence that followed. “I told him coffee was no good for him.” “What coffee was it?” asked Elephant. “Toasted pecan,” answered Father Leopold as he made the sign of the cross over Alberto’s stiff...
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