Nasir Triple
I used to love the TV series Robin of Sherwood despite a couple of flaws: Maid Marian… ginger Maid Marian… Much, the miller’s son, alternatively known as Much, the ineffective, whiny, retarded sub-moron On the other hand, it had far more positives: Ray Winstone as Will Scarlet Kevin Costner-free Nickolas Grace as the Sheriff of Nottingham Paganism and sorcery Not the 2006 BBC series Robin Hood But the thing I liked most was the character of Nasir, the Saracen assassin played by Mark Ryan. Two swords. Two curved swords. You have no idea how much I wished I had two curved swords strapped to my back at all times. In fact, I still want two curved swords strapped to my back. But I can’t, because this is England and the Health and Safety Executive would go all medieval siege engine on my Saracenny assassiny ways. Damn them to hell! Nasir versus Robin Nasir versus Sarak Nasir versus the...
Led Zeppelin Triple
It’s been a while since I put a trio of videos up on a weekend and that’s because I’m forgetful and lazy. However, today I went swimming for the first time in months in a bid to be marginally less lazy. It was hard work. I’m not designed for swimming. I’m more of your blimp-like swimmer. And not the buoyant kind of blimp either. The dense, heavy kind of blimp that struggles to stay above the water. Which is why I’ve picked Led Zeppelin for today’s triple taste of video goodness. Enjoy, while I wheeze over here in the corner. Kashmir Whole Lotta Love Over The Hills And Far...
Rapture Time Triple
The Rapture is almost upon us – if you believe one of the many, many, many determinations of the timing of this fictional event from one of the many, many, many variations of the fictional account of the life of the fictional Jesus in the all-too-real dross that is the Bible – and that means just one thing: website owners will want to embed Blondie’s 1981 hit Rapture in their sites because of the hilarious pun! Website owners aren’t renowned for their wit or originality. On a related note: Fun Boy Three – The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum Napoleon XIV – They’re Coming To Take Me...
Eurovision 2011 Preview: Part 3
And now for the third and final part of my little preview of some of the entries put forward for the Eurovision Song Contest which will be held in Düsseldorf on May 14th. Or “today” as it’s known around these parts. First up is the music tournament’s favourite song, Sognu by Amaury Vassili, representing France. That’s right: France are the favourites. I know. I thought that too. And that. Oh yeah, and definitely that. Big floppy hair and operatic stylings do nothing for me. Sorry France, but, yet again you’ve completely failed to embrace Eurovision and present us with something hilarious or even just mildly amusing. Unlike this lot. Zdob și Zdub – in addition to being gross swearing by Bill and Ben the Flowerpot Men – is the name of the group and So Lucky is the name of the song that somehow made it through to the final for Moldova. Since half the scoring is from a musical jury and no jury in its right mind could like this song it’s clear that it’s got some popular support amongst the unwashed masses. And the reason is clear: France, look, this is fun. Okay, it’s not going to win but I hope it does well. Especially in light of the fact that they’ll be performing with tall, black traffic cones on their heads. Go Moldova! Sjonni’s Friends are singing Coming Home for Iceland and for Sjonni who, sadly, couldn’t be there to sing the song himself. You may just detect hints of The Brotherhood Of Man’s winning song for the United Kingdom in this pleasant, if not stunning tune. Estonia certainly aren’t powerhouses when it comes to producing music but Rockefeller Street by Getter Jaani isn’t half bad. I’d say it’s about three sevenths bad. But in Eurovision terms that’s pretty damned good. Now, having seen her semi final performance I have to say this: if she can sing better than that then this song has a chance of doing quite well; maybe a top three finish. And if she can’t then she’s always got the magic to fall back on. Now, when we can’t support our own teams or representatives we here in Britain like nothing more than finding tenuous links to other places doing well and claiming some affinity with them. Fortunately, if Blue fail to deliver – very possible – then we’ve always got English singer David Bryan who will be performing his song Change for Romania under the group name of Hotel FM. It’s actually a nice little song. Upbeat. Full of smiles. Toe-tappy. Hand-clappy. Dagnabbit to heck I genuinely like it. Yay England!...
Eurovision 2011 Preview: Part 2
And now for the second part of my little preview of some of the entries put forward by Europe’s finest countries (and France (kidding!)) for the Eurovision Song Contest which will be held in Düsseldorf on May 14th. Representing the United Kingdom is the British pop boyband Blue. And if “British pop boyband” doesn’t fill you with fear then you’re a better man, woman, or it than me. Still, let’s take a look at Blue’s song, I Can, and see how it stacks up against the European competition. They’re the only country I’m not allowed to vote for since they’re my representatives and that’s just as well because I wouldn’t anyway. Now, Slovakia’s an odd one. TWiiNS is the name of this set of – brace yourself – twins, Daniela and Veronika. The song is called I’m Still Alive and I would probably describe it as inoffensive, bordering on listenable. The video, however, is quite weird. You have twins. You have twin girls. They’re pretty good looking twin girls if you can get past the huge foreheads. You decide – for reasons unknown – to splice some footage of logging, football, political rallies, rescue efforts, ice hockey, and babies into it all. Why, Slovakia? Why? Russia tends to do well in the Eurovision Song Contest because of the rampant cronyism prevalent among its Soviet neighbours and the threat of dire retribution by mob lords upon anyone who doesn’t vote for them or who bad-mouths them on the web. Wait… I mean they’ve been producing top quality songs by excellent artists with wide appeal in recent years and it’s ever so nice to have my wife back safe and sound. Alexej Vorobjov represents Russia this year with a song whose title should guarantee the flaming queens’ vote this time around, Get You. There are some constants you can rely on with Eurovision, some safe bets you can stake your house on. One of these is that Malta will always put forward a short, fat woman to belt out a Disney song. It’s in their nature. Maltese people: they do like a short, fat, Disney tune. So, it’s no surprise at all to see that this year they’ve sent forward another short, fat woman to belt out an uplifting track from an upcoming Disney movie: Wait just one Europopping moment there! That’s not a short, fat woman belting out a Disney song at all! There’s something wrong with Malta. Won’t somebody please help Malta? Oh God, think of the Maltese people at this time! No, I’ve checked and they really did it… they really went and picked… something… different! The song...
Eurovision 2011 Preview: Part 1
It’s almost that time of the year again! Yes, it’s almost time when I don’t have to put any thought into coming up with something new for the site and can simply embed a few music videos and mock the artists and countries responsible for the atrocities! It’s Eurovision time! Eurovision will be taking place in Düsseldorf this year because last time around Germany foolishly went and put forward a good song by a quirky and rather pleasant to look at singer, Lena Meyer-Landrut. Clearly, paint fumes burning away in some area of Eastern Europe are still wafting over the inhabitants of the Rhineland as they’ve decided that Lena can sing for her country again. And – horror of horrors! – it’s only another cracking song! That’s Taken By A Stranger by Lena and I think it’s clear to see that it suffers from only one major flaw: it’s way too good for the likes of Eurovision. One of my prerequisites for considering voting for a country in Eurovision is this: has the song or video been influenced in any way by the classic 1982 Marc Singer and Rip Torn movie The Beastmaster? It’s not a secret prerequisite and my vote is clearly worth a lot because Albania have embraced it this year in style with a tribute to the film’s falcon/eagle/I-don’t-know-birds Sharak in the song Feel The Passion by red-headed lungstress Aurela Gaçe. If the Eurovision Song Contest ever turns into a competition to find the continent’s best movie soundtrack for an upcoming, lighthearted, romantic story set against the backdrop of Venice starring Juliette Binoche and Colin Firth then it’s entirely possible that Italy can resubmit Madness Of Love by Raphael Gualazzi with more than a slight expectation that it will do well. It will not, however, do well in the contest’s current format. Ireland have a reputation that’s second-to-none when it comes to victories in Eurovision but alcohol poisoning does eventually affect decision-making and that may explain the appearance of the unbelievably dense and irritatingly irritating twins John and Edward, or, sigh, Jedward, and their song Lipstick. Now, it’s entirely possible that the song gets really good after nine seconds but that was all I could take. By all means, feel free to play the video and ascertain the worthiness of the Irish musical contribution this year but I would suggest something firm to clamp your teeth down onto, strong straps to prevent injury during your inevitable convulsions, and a deaf friend nearby who can shut down your computer and alert medical personnel when you collapse into a coma. Greece have surprised in recent years with some...
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