You're viewing the archived site. This is a snapshot of the site as it existed up until April 2017. To view the live site click here.
Pictures of Jentina
Jun19

Pictures of Jentina

Posted By on Jun 19, 2004

Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing. As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side. So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y. Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity. Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate...

Read More
Phil Oakey’s Ego
Jun07

Phil Oakey’s Ego

Posted By on Jun 7, 2004

In the adverts during the Budweiser UK Open darts on Sunday (yes, I am that rock ‘n’ roll and then some!!!!) – so close Rocky, so close – I kept flicking over to VH-1 and their Top 100 Something I Can’t Quite Remember To Do With Icons programme. And it set me thinking … Television producers and schedulers are a bunch of lazy gits most of the time; the rest of the time they’re passed out drunk in a pool of someone else’s blood-riddled vomit. It’s not a generalisation: it’s a job requirement. This laziness and drunken behaviour explains the sheer volume of programmes with titles like "Top 100 Handsome Boy Band Members" and "Top Moustachioed Female Divas Of The 1980s." Programmes of lists. The television equivalent of many blogs. In order to have a list programme you need a list – and it doesn’t matter if it’s been done before so long as it’s got a new title – and some "celebrities" to endorse choices on the list. For instance, if you were about to fill in a four hour slot with "Top 100 Fashion Disaster Pop Singers Of The 1990s" then you’ll need to have people from the world of pop (Alvin Stardust, for instance), the world of fashion (Vivienne Westwood, for example), and the world of pretentious art reviews (I haven’t got a clue I’m happy to say.) As you watch more and more of these programmes you begin to notice something: some people crop up on almost every programme, they say pretty much the same things every time, and often they don’t appear to be connected in any way to the subject matter at hand (hmmm, why is John Major explaining why Christina Aguilera deserves her top 10 position on Top 100 Gusset Shots In Videos?) One person who crops up again and again is Phil Oakey. You may remember him from such bands as The Human League and from his collaboration with Georgio Moroder on the soundtrack to the movie about love with powered inanimate objects, Electric Dreams. He had odd hair. There’s a picture of him on this page. Phil Oakey will talk about anyone or anything, anywhere and anytime. That’s not to say that he’s a sell-out in any way; oh no, his integrity is as solid as a rock with a coating of RockBeHard™, the rock solidifier, as evidenced by the fact that at no time ever has he ever had a nice thing to say about anyone ever. Ever. To prove it I’ve gathered up some Oakey quotes. All of these quotes are 100% genuine article reproductions from my head....

Read More