SyFy Movies: Road Bees And More
From the always fantastic World of Crap is this list of 10 SyFy Original Movies Coming Soon: Washed up alcoholic alcoholic Fray Bentos (Michael Madsen) is worried about all the bees in his backwater truckstop from hell. So when qualified lifeguard and troubleshooter Dalton Timothy (Tara Reid) comes on the scene, they team up to take out the trash, the lowlives, and the bees that control the government of this backwater West Dakota town. Just part of the description of the Michael Madsen and Tara Reid piece Road Bees. Other movies in the list include Shark Fork and Terrorist Alligator, with each film expertly illustrated...
Inappropriate Space Vacation Clothing
Published in 1977 Inappropriate Space Vacation Clothing was the first of Joachim Tung-Deprezant’s trilogy of space vacation novels. The book follows the exploits of hapless space vacationer Annabelle Starr and the occasionally humorous adventures that befall her as she chooses increasingly inappropriate clothing for her holiday destinations on distant worlds. On the planet Leonid Beta she finds that the natives’ belief in a beast god causes diplomatic problems due to a misunderstanding with her sexy panda costume; on the therapy moon of Lucifer 6 her silk kimono patterned with spider imagery leads to a fatal stampede on Arachnophobia Beach. One of the shorter tales is a brief stop on Frigeratia with only a bikini in her luggage, and this formed the pleasing inspiration for the front cover of the book. The sequels to Inappropriate Space Vacation Clothing were progressively less well-received by the science fiction novel purchasing public. Anabelle’s Big Disco Space Vacation missed out on the international change in mood towards that form of music while Space Vacation: No Blacks was simply deemed racist and led to many questioning how the book even managed to get published at...
An Amateur Movie Adventure
I don’t know why I started on the voyage of discovery that took me on an adventure through movies made on VHS tape and Video8 and Super 8 film recorders of the 1980s and 1990s, I only know that I enjoyed the trip. Professor Pompanickel Goes Terminal – 1992 I first found this short movie on the Internet Archive where I learnt that “Professor Pompanickel calls Gareth over to view his latest invention – a method to traverse the Universal Data Sphere allowing Specialised Security to access data from anywhere, simply and easily.” In some ways this film made me think of that classic work of Canadian film production, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank; computers, virtual interfacing doohickeys, etc. Note the opening part of this film also features a walk through Portsmouth’s Guildhall Square. Beat The System – 1993 The writer, producer, and director of the previous movie led me to this more-polished production made by members of Bournemouth University in 1993. The theme of computers and people interfacing with them – hacking, if you will – carries through but now there’s an Orwellian gameshow element to the film too. Looking for similarities in the big world of big budget productions there’s a hint of The Running Man in this one. Die 6 Astronauten (a Super 8 film by Dagie Brundert, 1992) Every adventure needs a moment of excitement and that comes in this one courtesy of a complete change of pace and something completely unrelated to the first two amateur films. Die 6 Astronauten is a short, stop-motion, art movie featuring six astronauts (you probably guessed) and (you probably guessed this part too) it was filmed on Super 8 stock in 1992 by Dagie Brundert. It’s a wonderful little movie which follows the tiny characters of Hili, Pävonen, Ngoum, Pirx, Nelson, and Dupont as they explore our world and the treasures that can be found within its open refrigerators. 23 Barbiepuppen kippen um / 23 Barbie Dolls Collapse (1988) From the same art movie maker although a lot earlier in her chosen profession is this oddly mesmerising movie with a series of dolls falling over in different ways. That’s all there is to it. And yet you’ll want to watch it. You’ll want to guess how the next doll will tumble. Fall to the side? Fall on her face? Land on another doll? Compelling stuff. The Afterlife (1984) Something else shot on Super 8, but this time it’s from Ohio native actor and director Damon Packard who produced this short film – not of great quality but that’s half the appeal with these amateur movies – called The...
Deflategate Audio Transcripts
The world of American Football is on edge as we await the concocted results of the NFL‘s incredible in-depth investigation into the manufactured outrage around Deflategate, that terrifying event between the New England Patriots and the Indianapolis Colts that is – at least in the NFL’s and the media’s “minds” – more serious than killing dogs, more harmful to the sport than beating up women in elevators, and more heinous than rewarding players for injuring opponents: playing a game with a ball ever-so-slightly less inflated with air than in the rule book! Some evidence has emerged… Intercepted telephone call #1: Four rings… Hello? (digitally altered voice) Listen very carefully, I will say this only once… Fucking telemarketers! Why don’t you all burn in a ditch?! Intercepted telephone call #2: Three rings… Hello? (digitally altered voice) Do not hang up, this is… What the hell is this shit? Is this someone playing a prank? (digitally altered voice) I am your NFL handler with instruc… What?! A robot? Why is a robot handling…? (no-longer digitally-altered voice) Oh for the love of money! This is your handler with explicit instructions regarding… I have a handler? What’s a handler? (sighs) Yes you have a handler! If you want to officiate in the NFL then yes, absolutely, you definitely have a handler and that’s me. Okay? Well… okay. I suppose. What’s your name? No names! You may refer to me as Agent L. Are you good L? I said no names! Oh! Oh, right, yes, yes, sorry. Sorry, I thought you were asking if I was Goodell. I’m just L. Okie dokie. What can I do for you then Agent Good L, wink, wink? Stop that! I have an important mission for you. If you do this right then I’ll see to it that you officiate in Superbowl fifty. Ooh! That’ll be nice. I hope it’s a simple mission. Indeed it is. You’ll be checking Tom Brady’s balls before the Colts game… Hey! That’s a horrible lie! I glanced that one time and that was all. I would never do that again! You know, I don’t think blackmail will work on… Shut up, shut up, shut up! How can you lot be so inept all the time? Before the game, okay?, the New England Patriots hand in their balls, okay?, and you check them, okay?, and then they go out onto the field, okay? Okay? Okay. Underinflate the balls on the way. That is all. Take all the air out? No! Just enough! Just enough to be below the allowed amount. Enough to increase the chances of the Colts winning. Hang on. Does the...
Rutland High School Yearbook 1971
The Internet Archive is always a great place to have a virtual wander through if you’re forever finding yourself stuck in a timewarp of nostalgia like me. It doesn’t help you escape the timewarp of nostalgia – not that you’d ever want to because it’s nice there – but it does make it even more enjoyable. So, today’s discovery has been the the publications of the Rutland Historical Society and, in particular, the Rutland High School Yearbooks. You might have been able to work that out from the title of this post because I can see you and you look smart. It’s quite possible that some schools in the UK do yearbooks and possibly have for some some time but in my experience they’re a purely American phenomenon that I’ve heard about, seen glimpses of in films and on TV, and know next-to-nothing else about. This makes discovering scanned American high school yearbooks very interesting and for no other reason than it’s the year I was born in I’ve decided to take a nose through the Rutland High School Yearbook of 1971. The inside cover and evidence that before there were fonts there were still fonts. And what beautiful fonts they were! Look at that “70-71” and picture any other decade in which a more suitable font wrote something appropriate to the era. You can’t! Mostly because you’re not sure what I’m saying. I’m not sure what I’m saying and I just wrote it. I think I’m saying it’s quite seventiesish. A message from the superintendent Dr James Tinney. He knew that the students of Rutland High School were going to accomplish great things. But did he know know? Or did he get some kind of guidance through… … astrology!? No. It was neither of those things. He was just being polite. He couldn’t wait to see the back of them. But who is them? I’m glad you asked. David Cook. CRASH! Jan Eastman. D.A.R. girl. I dont know what a D.A.R. girl is. I think it’s probably got something to do with her hair. It’s quite impressive hair. Judy Godnick. Teensy-weensy bikinis and BIG MOUTH. Judy sounds like the sort of person I’d have liked. And she had a dune buggy. You never know when those will come in useful. You suspect it’s around dunes but you never know for sure. David Alberico. One of the Fantastic Four. I’ve ruled out Invisible Woman but he could be any of the other three. Richard Savage. Good head. Well, that’s nice to know. High schools were very progressive back in the early seventies. Barbara McKirryher. Which boy this week? The...
Japanese TV Adverts
I don’t speak Japanese. I think that will become very obvious very quickly as I try to work out what these old TV adverts from Japan, home of bewildering imagery, are actually for. Let’s see. There are giant, flying insects, a man in a baseball uniform, crabs holding yellow boxes with chicken symbols on them, and a wind-up power cord winding in. This is probably an advert for Click Clack Cluck, a natural compound made from crab claws and cockerels that both repels insects and acts as a dampening field for electrical signals. Of course, it doesn’t work because if it did you wouldn’t be able to film the advert because of all the interference. That’s probably why the product ultimately failed in the market if I had to guess. That and the smell. I’m guessing Japanese people sometimes just fork up the money to brag about things. Take this woman who is both proud of her cleavage and her arm wrestling prowess. Watch as she defeats the latest challenger to her crown, an advanced robot killing machine from the Sony Corporation. “There can be only one,” she says with a mixture of pride and derision directed at the nation of Japan at the end. A pretty straightforward public service announcement here. If you’re not a sexual deviant then you can sit down without problems but if you feel the urge to stick things up your back passage then, well, you get what you deserve. In summary: things come out; things don’t go in. A lot is often said about the Japanese attitude towards family, especially elder members of the family, but this advert seems to show that the familial concern goes both ways as a doting grandfather happily shows that where his granddaughter is concerned he’s prepared to give up his arms to manufacture top quality soap for her flawless skin. Some products are so uniquely Japanese – Whale Hunting for Science Diplomas and Godzilla Deterrent Spray are frequently cited in lists like this – and this is another example. Arm Foam now comes in a canister. No more mixing it in a cauldron like your ancestors. If you’ve ever wondered why Japanese people don’t seem to spend much time at the beach – it’s the thought that’s kept me awake at night more often than any other – then the answer may just come from this old commercial which claims to have a juice drink guaranteed to appease the terrifying Bee People, mutant hybrids that inhabit the shorelines of Japan’s islands tormenting anyone foolhardy enough to risk a quick dip in the ocean. Like many adverts I...
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