Catnip
We finally found a catnip toy that isn’t simply ignored by my cat. Music: Alchemists Tower by Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com) – Licensed under Creative Commons "Attribution...
Disappointing 2010 Movie Sequels
Now, I’m not the sort of person who will openly say that Hollywood is a lazy, lying entity that has run out of ideas and is content to rehash old films and brazenly exploit existing movie franchises in order to make vast amounts of money for little effort and huge profits in this era of rampant piracy that is destroying the flourishing industry that is flourishing so flourishingly in this aforementioned piratical period but I am the sort of person who will mention it in opening and rambling paragraphs about cinematic releases in order to embellish the content of that which I’m writing. Like that! I’m also the sort of person who will support my opinion that the movie industry is long overdue a kick up the backside by presenting a few of 2010’s upcoming releases which, quite frankly, are an insult to the average cinemagoer in the world. Not that I go to the cinema, of course; it’s full of people and you know how they annoy me. If you thought fighting crippling memory loss and secret organisations within the CIA was tough then you try getting a loan for a house when you’ve got no credit history. Neo’s back – somehow, try not to think about it too much – and he’s more than a little distressed by just how much of a beating the world took. There is no spoon but there are plenty of useful DIY tips. Girls and their mums will flock to see anything with a gay vampire in it and this Twilight sequel will also boost sales at...
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Recast
In the wake of J. J. Abrams’ new Star Trek, and inspired by this thread on FriendFeed, let’s take a look at a possible recasting of Star Trek: The Next Generation should the studios ever decide to remake it too (or they could come up with something original (but I haven’t so I can’t really talk)) and were it to happen today. The actors have been selected either because of their physical similarities to the original cast, or because of acting history that is shared with their characters. Importantly, all actors also have some connection to the Star Trek universe, the characters, or the original actors in some way. Vin Diesel as Captain Jean-Luc Picard The necessary characteristics of the captain of Starfleet’s NCC-1701D through G or possibly further are: articulate, intelligent, diplomatic. Failing all those, bald. Thus, it was either Vin Diesel or Jason Statham and of the two one is slightly less likely to issue the command "Conk those bleeders on the noggin and let’s scarper!" in the heat of battle. Star Trek Fact: Vin Diesel’s real name is an anagram of "Romulan Warbird." Tom Cruise as Commander William T. Riker Any fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation will tell you that when Will Riker is around women, everyone starts to feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s his smarmy smile. Perhaps it’s the way everyone acquires Betazoid powers of knowledge into what’s going through his mind whenever the opposite sex are involved. Most likely it’s his penchant for standing with one leg resting on a console, log, a chair, or the back of an ensign in order to splay a little and show off "the package" in the presence of ladies. Whatever the answer, when it comes to actors who come wrapped in a cloak of caution then there’s nobody better than Tom Cruise. Extensive use of CGI, interesting camera angles, and convenient boxes may be required. Star Trek Fact: Tom claims to be an expert in dealing with Thetans; I think they were the orange aliens on rollerskates in the original series. Christian Bale as Lt. Commander Data Playing a Vulcan is easy; you simply have to suppress the emotions you have. Playing an android is more difficult. Gone are the days when you could get away with replacing "Yes" with "Affirmative" and adding "Bee Boop" at the end of every sentence. Today’s cinemagoers demand just a little more. Emotionless Data needs an emotionless actor; an actor actually willing to have actual brain surgery to actually remove actual tissue in the area responsible for actual human feelings. Christian Bale – in numerous roles – has...
Mayjah Movie Mayhem
This is Melissa a.k.a. Mayjah. I think it’s Japanese or something. These are also Melissa a.k.a. quick and crummy Photoshops. I think they’re what you do when you haven’t got anything else to do or...
10 Must Avoid Movies
I was reading through Yahoo!’s 100 Movies To See Before You Die list when I thought to myself: "coming up with a silly list of things that express my personal taste and which won’t be the same as anybody else’s list of things that express their own personal taste in a manner that’s very similar to hundreds – if not thousands – of other lists of things that express personal tastes on TV, the internet, or in print is a great idea for a post when it’s been a few days and I haven’t really got much time to come up with something dazzlingly original anyway." That’s the sort of thing I think when I read things. Long sentences, rambling thoughts, lazy ideas; yeah, I’ve got them all. So, how about 10 Must Avoid Movies To Not See While You’re Alive? I’m not really asking you. I’m going to go ahead and list them regardless of your response. 10 Must Avoid Movies To Not See While You’re Alive 1. Alien Versus Predator: Requiem Plot: Aliens are fighting Predators who are fighting Aliens who are all fighting the inbred inhabitants of a small town in America somewhere. Why You Must Avoid It: I like the Aliens films (well, not all of them obviously) and I like the Predator films. I even liked the first of the Aliens Versus Predator films because it was an unusual time and location setting and there was a nice Predator Likes Girl plot going on too. This film, however, is total shit. It’s a 1970s college teen horror film with an increased budget allowing the producers to replace "Man In Cheap Mask" with "Man In Alien Suit" and the result, from quite early in the film as it happens, is that you find yourself rooting for anything but the townspeople to win because they’re all so astoundingly unlikeable. And not because they’re acting unlikeable. They’re just unlikeable. 2. Blade Runner Plot: In the future it’s dark and neon manufacturers are making a killing and there are android-robot-cyborg-things on the loose and only one man can catch them. Or is he a man? Yes. Or is he? No. It depends which version you watch. And which of the twelve thousand re-releases of the film had the sheep in it again? Why You Must Avoid It: It makes every fecking "best" list in the world. And near the top too. It’s an okay film. It’s just not that good. The only reason it gets in lists is twofold: firstly, because it was released at the start of the VHS boom when video shops stocked it, Porkys, Beastmaster,...
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