Star Trek – The Electronic Game
Who remembers the electronic game based on Star Trek: The Motion Picture as produced by Coleco and listed in their Coleco 1980 Catalogue? No, me neither. Still, let’s take a look at it since it’s almost Christmas and you might sink one too many Snowballs then feel like whipping yourself around the sun in reverse and travelling back to purchase it from a better time in every way except for wages, health, technology, general safety, cleanliness, entertainment, and disturbingly scratchy clothing that you couldn’t get too close to the three bar electric fire while wearing if you didn’t want a trip to the Burns & Melting ward to be your overriding memory of the festive period. Looks sort of like the Enterprise, so that’s good, although sort of like the Enterprise after the episode Encounter At Trash Compactor, so that’s less good as that was one of the early Next Generation episodes before they thankfully killed off Flippy the Space Toad (though not in the trash compactor, sadly). I wonder how you play it. It’s the U.S.S. Enterprise versus V’ger in this action packed, electronic space game for 1 or 2 players! The opposing forces orbit over a runaway planet – their mission to gain possession. They fire at the planet attempting to neutralize it and claim it for their own! V’ger fires a green energy bolt – the Enterprise raises a protective shield around the planet – the bolt is deflected! Now, the Enterprise fires a photon torpedo – V’ger raises its shield too late – it’s a hit! Photons are fired again – and again – five hits and the neutralization is complete. The planet is won for the U.S.S. Enterprise! I see. I have a few problems with this game. I’m going to have to put my nerd hat on and I’m not going to take my nerd cap off first. The runaway planet didn’t appear in Star Trek: The Motion Picture; the runaway planet appeared in Star Trek V: The Final Frontier but it was cut from the movie as the studio felt its story arc wasn’t as strong as that of the bald guy with bad teeth protecting his holes from the emotional Vulcan. Roddenberry was very specific when it came to warfare in his space opera. The Enterprise usually neutralises a planet by having Kirk (later: Riker) give everything on it a venereal disease and for privatised healthcare provided through insurance from the shadowy “Federation” to then quell the global populace. Any Star Trek fan will tell you that you can’t just press a button and extend the shields around an entire planet....
Pulp Fiction Artwork: The Allure Of Armpits
Take a look at any collection of pulp fiction novel covers and you’ll spot patterns. Understandable, of course; cheap, derivative stories only need cheap, derivative art, quite often bearing little if any connection to the contents of the pages within. Scantily-dressed women feature a lot, naturally, but you’ll also spot other trends too: the smoking gun pictures, the bound-and-gagged women pictures, the ravishing redheads, the sultry brunettes, the innocent-looking blondes. And armpit pictures. Yes, nothing sells a pulp fiction novel better than gratuitous armpittery. I imagine. Just what is the allure of armpits? The following cover images come via https://www.flickr.com/photos/56781833@N06/ but probably don’t really help to explain just why the imagery is so prevalent in the genre. The Emerald Bikini A story of a man’s escape from the drab routine of married life through a girl whom he possessed completely, and whose wanton sex appeal turned a southern town into a frenzy. There’s a reason they don’t make bikinis out of emeralds any longer and it’s not just because it triggers a frenzy of greed in a southern town probably suffering economically because, well, it’s a southern town; no, that reason is chafing. Chafing leads to stretching. Stretching leads to armpit-exposure. Armpit-exposure leads to temptation. Temptation leads to adultery. Also: emerald bikinis are prohibitively expensive. That’s another reason. Harling College A teaching degree was needed… and the subject was sex. Prexied by a beautiful tramp… Financed by tainted millions… Guided by an international boudoir expert… Staffed by a free-loving faculty… …The shocking story of a plush campus, where co-eds received a liveral education. An educational pulp fiction novel and not just because it’s set in an education facility. Let’s count the other ways: Do you know what the name for exposing your armpits to other people is? You do now. It’s harling, apparently. Where do you go to learn to harl? Harling college. How do you entice someone you’re attracted to? You harl like you’ve never harled before. Tramps prexy. Okay, I don’t know what that word means but it’s possibly explained in the book. And I’m hoping it’s the American definition of tramp and not the British one because we don’t have beautiful tramps over here. Our ones have matted beards and smell of wee. Oh, and I really hope that to prexy doesn’t mean to cause someone to wrinkle up their nose as you pass because you’re encased in a cloud of odours that only tramps – British definition – and maybe your gran if you haven’t checked in on her for a while have. It used to be possible to be an international boudoir expert. I...
Reykjavik Street Art
I recently visited Iceland for a few days and there are any number of articles I could write about the experience but thought I’d just slap up some photos I took of the various bits of street art in and around Reykjavik. Why’s that, Mark? you ask. Because I’m lazy and this is an easy way to add some content without giving it too much thought, I reply. Reykjavik is not the prettiest of cities in the world, architecturally-speaking – Iceland’s remote location probably has something to do with this, and there’s probably an element of practicality over beauty too – which might explain the abundance of colourful and intricate artwork along many of the streets we walked through. These pictures (and more) all come from my Reykjavik photo album on...
Whaling In All The Wrong Places
Self-published in 1983 was Kelvin Turnbull’s humorous anthology of tales of whaling where no whaling should really take place. The final chapter took place in the waters off Iceland and was intended to highlight why whaling for any reason and in any location was wrong; it was the only chapter in which the whale was caught and killed. In an interview published in his hometown newspaper The Northampton Mercury Turnbull explained how he had become an avid ecologist and champion of whales’ rights. I had been working on a small trawler to earn some money and we were on a night fish when the nets were pulled away from us and the boat turned over. I banged my head and slipped into near unconsciousness, pulled to safety by a crewmate to cling to the hull until rescue came. I had a vivid vision at that time of seeing rising from the surface of the sea the bulk of the whale that had caused me to nearly lose my life and I remember how beautiful it was and thinking that I bore it no ill will. It was later, after a stay in hospital, that I discovered it had been a submarine but the love for these wonderful sea mammals was firmly in place. The compensation payment for the accident allowed me to start my own publishing...
Rare Atari Game – Starwombat
Starwombat was released for the Atari 2600 in March 1978 but was withdrawn very soon afterwards owing to two mistakes with its production run. The first issue was that the back story to the game – that of the fictional history of the titular Starwombat, its role in future space warfare, and the honour and responsibility of the people tasked with caring for these magnificent creatures from birth to death – was sadly missing; the story, originally written in Japan, was shipped across to America for translation but lost at sea (along with several thousand cartridges of the game) when the ship it was sent on disappeared. When those games that had already been distributed to America and Europe were released anyway without much in the way of explanation as to what to do the result was a confusing experience for everyone. The second issue was the now infamous Game 18, the Starwombat Vaccination game, the purpose of which was to administer a series of vaccinations through the creature’s thick pelt. Sadly, without an adequate description the game more closely resembled an early porn game as one player tried to ram a long spike into the opening of the creature controlled by player two. This led to a raft of complaints and a rapid withdrawal of the game from circulation. The Atari 2600 video game cartridge Starwombat is highly sought after by fans of the console. In 2011 a cartridge sold on eBay for over...
Photography By Janet Delaney
Some sample pictures from some of the projects of California-based photographer Janet Delaney. In the 1980s Janet made a number of trips to New York and wandered the streets with a twin lens Rolleiflex camera capturing some lovely examples of street photography. Another project from decades past is the series of photos South of Market 1978-1986. I’ve got a soft spot for Beijing having been there for my honeymoon so it’s nice to see some photos from that wonderful city too. The last lot of photos I want to share come from Janet’s collections from South of Market (now) – a revisit to the area she photographed in the 1980s to highlight what has changed and what it heralds for the future – and Managua, Nicaragua...
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