1970s Euro Porn Style – Lehrmädchen-Report
Satellite TV came to the UK in the late 1980s and it wasn’t long before my parents ponied up the subscription fees and got a dish attached to the back of the house. And with that came a world of simultaneously truly awful and truly amazing programming from the far reaches of the Earth. But mainly mainland Europe. Compared to what we’d had to contend with before – four entire channels of mostly far less than 24 hours of viewing per day each – this was an incredible experience. Now we could watch quiz shows from Italy where we didn’t understand the questions or answers but liked the fact that scantily-dressed women featured heavily. Or news programmes from Spain where we didn’t understand a thing anyone was saying but there was a gorgeous presenter. Or soaps from France that we couldn’t comprehend but which had a heavy mix of beautiful female characters. You may be spotting a trend here. Of course, the main thing was staying up late enough so that the porn from the German or Italian channels would broadcast. Pornography on the television! What a world we lived in! I didn’t really realise it at the time but the adult films they showed were old, even then, dating from the 1970s and very much softer when compared to the sort of thing you can find online these days. Nudity and flaccidity and simulated sex acts were all you ever got but back then it was the best thing in the world. For reasons of nostalgia and mild perversion I decided to see if any of the 1970s films I remembered watching in the late hours of the 1980s were available online, what with us living in this glorious digital age. And they were! Which is handy or this would have been a rather pointless introduction. I tried watching one or two and even allowing for the continued incomprehension as to the plot and dialogue they were, quite frankly, awful. Always the danger I suppose. Still, there was one element of these classic porn films that I did enjoy: the fashion! The clothes! The cars! The house decors! The hair! The shoes! That may be more than one element but I’m going to group them all together under the heading of style. 1970s style? Yeah, you know I love that. This is potentially the first of a series of style showcases and mini reviews of 1970s European soft porn movies. Lehrmädchen-Report (1972) This is actually a movie I never saw on satellite television but the number of films featuring “report” at the end that I do remember seeing...
Genetically Modified Organisms
Everyone knows that genetically modified foods are bad for you, right? I mean, they must be because non-governmental organisations such as Friends of the Earth say so and just look at their name! They’re “friends” of the Earth for flip’s sake and “friends” never get things wrong or lie, do they? It’s very easy to believe “friends” and other NGOs, and it’s very easy to disbelieve the government. However, just believing something doesn’t make it right. Putting beliefs aside for the moment if you want to actually know whether GM crops are safe to eat it’s best to consult scientific bodies as they won’t (generally) have any ulterior motive in disseminating falsehoods. An article titled Why NGOs Can’t Be Trusted On GMOs explains more, pointing out as well how some NGOs use wordplay to spin the message away from the facts and towards a biased, unscientific, unsupported standpoint. Gary Hirshberg of Stonyfield Farm wrote on the Just Label It website that “all the research conducted around the safety of genetically engineered crops has been funded by the GMO patent holders themselves.” […] Hirshberg’s claim is wrong. […] The European Commission spent more than 200m euros of public funds on GMO research between 2001 and 2010. The EU summarizes about 50 studies in this 264-page report, which is easily found online. The article is concise, balanced, and most likely will be completely ignored by those who have already made up their minds that genetically modified food is dangerous. But that’s probably a build up of pesticides on apples forming a knowledge shield around their brains if I had to hazard a...
Old Computer Adverts
I’ve looked at some old adverts from computer magazines before but this time I thought I’d take a look at some old adverts for computers themselves. I’m not entirely sure what sort of magazine would run an advert for a computer boasting about its ability to control missile systems but I suppose if you were buying this magazine for the computer adverts back whenever it was published you probably also had the spare barn to store the machine in and the kind of massive-barn-jealousy from others that may necessitate a ballistic defence system. Are you one of those people who think everything the Apple has ever done has been evil? Six hundred and sixty six dollars and sixty six cents! That’s the dollar value of the beast if my memory of the bible is correct. This Tandy colour computer advert brings back a lot of memories. I never had the computer itself and seeing those magic words “Cuthbert In The Mines” reminds me why. Don’t search for images of that game if you value your eyeballs. A touch-sensitive computer not much different in size from a book. We came a long way from the barn-sized Univac to the Sinclair ZX80 and we’ve come not very far since. Progress! There’s an old rule in computer advertisements: humour and kids sell. It’s a bad rule. And that’s why these computers from AMT using a child Charlie Chaplin led to the company folding with crippling losses six minutes after publication. Possibly. I haven’t checked. The Texas Instruments Home Computer gives you a tutor, an accountant, a librarian, a file clerk, and a pro football team in your own home. This wasn’t a reference to the sort of software that you could get with the computer as many people assumed but a promotion that also helped to house some of society’s most unwanted homeless people. If you’ve still got your original file clerk it could be worth a small fortune on eBay these days. Sure, a computer and acoustic coupler and monitor that fits in a briefcase sounds good but firstly the briefcase was the size of a Fiat 500, and secondly it weighed as much as a Fiat 500 overloaded with Digi-Log machines. At least it was difficult to get mugged. Sources for these images and further inspiration or adverts can be found through the following links: http://www.aresluna.org/attached/computerhistory/ads http://www.theregister.co.uk/Print/2011/04/04/osborne_1_30_years_old/ http://www.vintagecomputing.com/ http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/vintage-tech-ads/ http://www.vintageadbrowser.com/computers-and-software-ads-1960s http://www.computerhistory.org/revolution/topics#exhibition http://www.pcmuseum.ca/computerDetails.asp http://blog.modernmechanix.com/ad-computer-operation-in-real-time/...
Portsmouth, Alien Invasion – Collaborators
Collaboration with the enemy is probably an inevitability. In war some people do what they can to survive even at the cost of their neighbours’ lives; it’s understandable and difficult to forgive without the buffer of time to consider all the reasons. In 1920 there was no buffer of time as the people of Portsmouth were into their fifth year fighting off the Squirmy Munge and collaborators were looked upon with utter contempt and dealt with quite brutally. We saw in a previous article on the alien invasion of Portsmouth that the subject of collaboration with the enemy was a sore subject for the locals. For a couple of years before 1920 collaborators – people who passed information onto the Squirmy Munge or who were even deemed to fail to resist with typical Pompey spirit – would quietly disappear in the night but when a small group of pro-invaders supporters started to voice opposition to the war and advocated capitulation a more public demonstration of what it meant to be a Portsmouth citizen was needed. In March of 1920 the first public centrifugion of collaborators took place. Traitors were tied by ropes to the “Spinning Stick” (better names were sought but there was a war going on and catchily-titled execution methods were in short supply) and spun to death. That year was particularly warm on the south coast and these public displays, though grisly, provided a cooling breeze as they operated making them very...
Traci Lords Triple
Traci Lords! She’s quite possibly well known for any number of other things but the two I’m going to concentrate on are her singing and her acting as I present three videos from the, er, singing actress. Now, I have to warn you that all three of these videos are erotic in different ways – very different ways; so different, in fact, that you may not even think they’re erotic at all – but none of them are pornographic. Not that there’s anything wrong with pornographic videos. I think I’ve mentioned porn and videos and Traci Lords enough now. Can’t imagine why I’m doing that. The first clip is Control from her 1995 album 1000 Fires. I bought this album, I liked this album, I played this album a lot, and this was the stand out track from it for me. Handy then that it got released as a single and a video was made for it. The second video is an excerpt from the 2009 movie Princess of Mars. If you’ve not seen this movie – and many people haven’t – but you have seen the big budget film John Carter then it’s definitely worth catching this to compare. I actually really enjoyed both movies. That’s right! I’m the person who liked both of those films. The princess in the film’s title is played by Traci Lords as you probably could have guessed. I’ve saved the best and most erotic of the Traci Lords videos to last. Prepare yourself for an audiovisual treat the likes of which you’ll never forget as long as you live. Warm Up With Traci Lords is an exercise video featuring the actress and singer. It also has incredible music and rhymes from Traci. It’s truly...
The Blood Countess
Elizabeth Báthory lived in the late 16th and early 17th century in Hungary and she wasn’t a nice person. Hence the nickname of The Blood Countess. She was accused of some quite horrific crimes but the Rejected Princesses website doubts whether she was guilty of them at all, instead preferring that she was a dominant woman in a period of history when she needed to be. So no, she was not warm and cuddly. I absolutely believe she made life shitty for misbehaving servants (or, more likely, had her head servants do it for her). Some undoubtedly died from it – I mean, she had thousands of servants in an age before penicillin. In fact, one scholar claims that the more outlandish tortures (stinging nettles, metal rods, amateur acupuncture) were contemporary folk remedies. Tough lady? Yes. Cartoon supervillain? Hell no. Make your own mind up by reading the full article here. Amongst other things you’ll find a long list of the Blood Countess’s alleged crimes, including the force-feeding of hot cakes, strangling with silk scarves, and lacerating servants’ genitals with her teeth....
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