Studio Engineer

Posted By Mark on Mar 9, 2013

Market Stall

Posted By Mark on Mar 2, 2013

"I see you're interested in my pickled onions." "I wasn't even looking at them! How dare you! Anyway, what do you expect when you're sitting like that? Oh! You mean the ones in the jar? Oh! Ha ha! You cheeky monkey!" "Not quite, but… we've got some eggs left and we're down to the last few jars of lemon curd and preserves. Anything take your fancy? Other than my pickled onions, of course." "Hee hee! You are a one! No, no, what I'm really looking for is fresh cantaloupe." "Melons?" "They're tucked beneath my jacket where you can't see them! See! Two can play at that game! But yes, cantaloupe melons. I'm making a cake for my niece and she does love cantaloupe melons on top." "That's… quite bizarre. No, sorry, no melons, cantaloupe or otherwise. Very difficult to get hold of cantaloupe melons when you're a dog." "On account of the U.N. embargo? Is that still going?" "Afraid so. One little bloody melon uprising against humans and nobody seems able to forget." "But you've got lemon curd." "Well, I've got some friends who are cats. I shouldn't really have it out on the stall – no, not that you saucy minx! – but I haven't been bothered yet." "Oh, that's a shame. Oh well, best be off." "Okay, have a good day." "I will. You too." "I haven't always been a dog, you know." "What's that?" "I said: I haven't always been a dog." "Really?" "Really. I used to be a puppy!" "Oh! You!" "That's a dog market stallholder joke! You take that with you for free, okay. Good luck with your melons." "Thank you! And I hope someone deserving gets their hands on your pickled onions too." #StreetPhotography #StreetPics #MonochromeWorld   Google+: View post on...

Balancing Act

Posted By Mark on Feb 27, 2013

There comes a point in every bicyclist's life when he, she, or it discovers the singular joy that is keeping the bike as still as possible, standing on the pedals, and trying to keep balanced whilst wind, the dizzying force of the Earth's rotation, or butterflies alighting on shoulders do their utmost to assist gravity in sending the vehicle's owner crashing to the ground. That point in life is usually around the age of seven or eight and it forms part of that area of growing up that involves trying to beat friends and impress people of the opposite or same or no sex. Occasionally, though – just occasionally – this joy of balancing comes late in life to a cyclist. But just because it happens at an older age those desires to outdo friends or colleagues or show off aren't necessarily suppressed by wisdom. It happened today to this man and tomorrow it might happen to you. The women were not impressed. The bus driver that swerved to avoid him was also not impressed. A butterfly alighted on his shoulder and sent him sprawling. Google+: View post on...

DC Superheroes

Posted By Mark on Feb 20, 2013

Not to be confused with superheroes from American publications, the District of Chichester has its own motley collection of do-gooders battling the scourge of the south coast on a daily basis, and yesterday was try out day. Most attendees didn't make the cut, of course, but the session did end well for a successful trio so I'd like to introduce the world to – and warn any potential supervillains about – Chichester's newest defenders of truth, liberty, and the West Sussex way of life: Cumulus – With a cloud on his head and the ability to control water vapour, Cumulus is the man you need when a kettle is in danger of boiling over. Or if you're locked in a sauna. Boa Constrictor – Scaly skin (the result of a refusal to help prop up the cosmetics industry and buy moisturiser) and unblinking eyes (maybe; difficult to tell really inside that ridiculous outfit) but it's this mystery person's swaying dance with a feather boa that will dazzle and confuse (usually sexually) the criminal underclass. Gypsy Rose Vee – The V stands for vengeance and her weapons of choice are knockout-perfumed roses. The "gypsy" part comes from her Romany heritage and also explains why she's currently the target of a hate campaign from the Daily Mail. #MonochromeWorld #StreetPhotography   Google+: View post on...

Knitting

Posted By Mark on Feb 16, 2013

No Valentine

Posted By Mark on Feb 14, 2013

"I'm sorry, Gabrielle, I really am. I… I just can't do this anymore." "On Valentine's day? Please tell me this is a horrible joke Michael!" "I can't. I wish I could but…" "Is it me? Is it me being pushy?" "It's not that, no." "Just because I'm wearing a wedding dress… it's a joke, it doesn't mean anything. It doesn't have to be like this!" "I said it's not that. Can't we just leave it at that? Part ways as, well, maybe not friends, but just, you know, part?" "Is it because I'm a mannequin? You said it didn't matter!" "It doesn't! And it's not that. I told you I had a crush on Kim Cattrall in the movie Mannequin. You were – you are my Kim Cattrall." "Well then, what? You owe me that! Is it because I don't have a head?" "No! I… okay… the head thing is… yes! I'm sorry! I really, really tried to overlook it but…" "I thought you were better than that Michael. I thought that looks – or, in my case, a distinct lack of them – weren't important to you." "They aren't! I swear!" "You're not making any sense! Why are you doing this to me?" "I'm so, so sorry Gabrielle. I'm so sorry. It's your… voice! It comes from, well, between your legs!" "Where else is it supposed to come from? I've got no head! No. Head. Remember?" "I remember Gaby. I just… I have to go now. I can't do this." "Go! You've broken my heart Michael! I've still got one of those! Go on, go! And you remember this: I overlooked your constant hopping! So go! Hop away you hopping freak!" Google+: View post on...