What Women Want
Women of advancing years: do you want to live life to the fullest? I can help. I can tell you the secrets of better living in my upcoming seventy five-part series of lectures Be A Better You Than You Ever Thought You Could Be Before You Heard About This Series Of Lectures That You Are Attending (name subject to change). What will be covered? What won't be covered!? Energy! Health! Memory! Sex! Mental Agility! These are the keys to being a better you than you ever thought you could be before you heard about this series of lectures that you will be be attending. Using photographic aids and patented electroshock suppository technology I will make you be a better you than you ever thought you could be before you heard about this series of lectures that you attend from the inside out (quite literally). Not convinced? You will be! Energy: a freshly-made sandwich is better than anything else on the planet. That's a fact. Eat one. Health: you don't want rickets! Get some sunlight on you stat! Memory: what was that thing you touched earlier? Suck your finger and relive the past now! Sex: wear shades and cast approving glances on that tight, tight butt through the window. You know you want to. You've earned the right. Mental Agility: what can that sexpot be looking at that causes his left hand to twitch just so? The possibilities are endless! That's just a taster of what to expect. The Be A Better You Than You Ever Thought You Could Be Before You Heard About This Series Of Lectures That You Are Attending starts this summer so sign up now. Google+: View post on...
Me and a Sheep
It's the early 1970s, it's County Mayo in Ireland, it's me in another stunning ensemble, and it's a sheep. And if you're wondering why I appear to be crying in this shot it's because the sheep venom extraction process you can see here gives off vapours in a similar manner to peeling onions. Submitted for #BlastFromThePast curated by +Cheryl Cooper, +Mark Rodriguez, and +Isabelle Fortin. Google+: View post on...
Pain In The Neck
What are a photographer's three most important pieces of equipment? Ask two photographers and you'll get two different sets of answers but for me it's simple: a pair of trousers, a pea shooter, and the camera itself. Today I used all three while out and about; the trousers stopped me getting arrested again, the pea shooter allowed me to shoot this passerby on the back of the neck, and the camera took the resulting picture of pain and confusion. The fourth most important piece of equipment for me is a Segway which I used to skillfully evade my photographic victim's subsequent attempt to chase me down and attain some form of violent retribution. Google+: View post on...
British Snakes
Adaptive markings are quite common in nature and here in Britain one of our less well-known but more interesting species of snakes is the Uncommon Adder; mildly venomous but fairly docile, its most striking feature is the camouflage it has evolved in its natural environment – the ports and harbours along the British coast – to blend in with ropes. This allows the snake to feed on waterside rodents throughout the year whilst also enjoying the occasional candy floss or ice cream in the summer, all without causing alarm to tourists and locals alike. Interestingly, it can take a trained eye to distinguish actual rope from the ropey serpent and it turns out that I don't have one as it's been brought to my attention this is just rope after all. Google+: View post on...
Critique
An interesting thirty seconds. It looks like a couple taking a shot of Chichester Cross and checking how it all comes out on the phone… but it isn't. This man was quite surprised to find his photographic prowess being analysed by a complete stranger and was decidedly put out by her suggestion that he try moving around to his right in order that he might get part of the Cathedral in shot too. So angry was he, in fact, that he kidney-punched the unwanted critic, an act not unnoticed by the bald gentleman you see here to the rear who leapt to her defence and bit the photographer repeatedly until he retreated from the area; a relationship then swiftly bloomed between the rescuer and his rescuee as he helped her up and they agreed to start dating this weekend with him proposing that new play up at the theatre and then the pub afterwards. She agreed but suggested he might want to try a different tie on the night as the one he was wearing clashed with his eyes. He tried to kidney-punch her but she was prepared this time and dodged the blow; he then strode off with a look of pure venom on his face. Some people just don't like criticism. In other news: my long distance lip-reading course is paying dividends at last. Google+: View post on...
Superman?
Retired superheroes tend to flock to England's south coast as it's here that they're guaranteed some of the best disguises money can buy (it's not for no reason that Hampshire and West Sussex collectively are known as Wig Valley the world over) and so it's here that a little privacy late in life is most likely to happen. Still, all it takes is a lapse in concentration – for instance, a phone call from Lois, a lean back against a metal bollard encased in concrete, and a forgetful moment where your own strength is underestimated – for the quiet life to be dashed. Google+: View post on...
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