Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
June 20, 2004
oh my! *giggles*
i swear i’ve seen her down Kingston.
‘Yewfarcorfatsidazwel’ is genius! and as for ..’and Tony’
HAHAHAHA just.. too funny. you need a hernia warning mate.
June 21, 2004
Would you be kind enough to let me know when someone pulls their finger out and sets up a Jentina gallery with nude, non-nude and explicit categories.
Thanks.
June 22, 2004
Nude, non-nude and explicit Jentina galleries you say? So you’re after pictures of Jentina naked, undraped, topless, or otherwise? I think I can accomodate that.
June 22, 2004
She looks fifteen.
Damn, that’s sexy.
June 22, 2004
Cheeba, you take everything and give it an underage sex theme. If I could counter that statement with something negative about your personality I would but I can’t. God bless you.
June 23, 2004
Hurrah! I heard Bad Ass Strippa for the first time yesterday driving through the outskirts of Coventry, and it really transported me to the ghettos of Leamington Spa.
Westside!
June 26, 2004
CBHQ OWNS
June 26, 2004
i love the new song
June 26, 2004
That’s what i’m talking about! Kermit is a lucky so and so..
June 27, 2004
i luv jentina nd fink she is AMAZIN…ooz r al jus nuff jelus bcuz shes far 2 gorgus nd amazin at evryfin she dus nd yaz al no dat ooz wil NEVA b lahk er innit!
June 27, 2004
http://forums.jentina.co.uk/viewforum.php?f=1
Come and spread the love.
June 27, 2004
i live in wokin where like jen grew up n like i lived in da same site as her n i aine a fukin queer but shes rial pritty innit i love er new song cnt w8 ti da albem its gonna be wkd luv yaz hunni hope ta see yas soon xXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXx
June 27, 2004
i like seeing idiots think they are ghetto, ha ha how much of a twat does she look? lol
June 28, 2004
Hot Damnnnnnnnnnnn!!! Shes fine
June 28, 2004
[size=12][/size]id do her!
June 28, 2004
HARD TO!
June 29, 2004
The general level of commenting ability on this post has depressed me mightily. I may have to destroy mankind now in order to save it.
June 30, 2004
jentina is sexy sassy you couldnt say no to her cos her attidue is hot and her body is hot i think that any 19 year old boy could have her or fill up my champane glass lol i love her video hooooooooooo ooooooooooooooo bad ass stippa is a hot video lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll ho yeahhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhlol lol iam bad lolllllllllllllll llllllllllllllllllll
July 10, 2004
hey. i am an 18/m/nj. call me 2012481459
July 11, 2004
i would love to steal that coochy too bad no nude or semi-nudes here
July 12, 2004
Jentina has a sister Mary,and she had two brothers, of which one was killed in a car crash, the other lives with his dad. She was not named after her grandma, as for her dad he had enough of her lies and kicked her out.everything she says is a lie.want more info then ask her past friends.
July 13, 2004
[colour=red][/colour]I looooove JENTINA
lovely verrry nice
I like her body
JENTINA …I want marrid u …please
I’m rich man …can u love me
July 15, 2004
shes crap, apparently she took it up the arse from a horse! my mate knos her! serious!
July 20, 2004
i love her but she needs nore pics from her film clip
July 24, 2004
Oh, man! I’m here on your blog right for this reason…
I was searching a little photo of our "Nana Truzza" Jentina, the most not understandable musical mistery of the year…
Really, really, really strange!
(It’s too hot for thinking in italian.. just imagine to write it in english! Too much complicate…)
July 26, 2004
Done… Again, I’m really really sorry. Really.
July 26, 2004
Thanks for that. No harm done.
August 1, 2004
Wen i first seen and heard this song i was like "wat tha!?" n now i luv it!!!its mad tha ppl that diss her f@#* up!!man she sik u guys are just jelus!!
Kepp up those sexc moves Jentina!!
August 3, 2004
mark,do you know jentina?i know her well,she is one nasty and big headed little cow! i found out that her cousin who is only 15 posted a message to say hi but got told to piss off that she has no money,and i know know for sure they need no money.
August 4, 2004
i tink jentina is gr8 ! i also tink she is quite attractive.
big up 2 jentina
x x
August 6, 2004
This song rocks i think the radio should play it non stop i love it Bad ass strippa in a gucci thong see through dress by luis vuitton rock on
August 10, 2004
Sheez a bad ass strippa who’ll suck yer nob, cant shag you cos sheez on the blob, give her fifteen quid and she’ll give you a hand job, sheez a bad ass strippa whoz on the game a bad ass strippa who’s got no shame, closest thing to gucci she’ll ever get is "marks and sparks" cos we all know "she works the town", shez got no tits and a bony ass i started this diss cos sheez got no class im pretty sure for fifty sovves you could ride her ass!!!
August 10, 2004
she’s SO fake come on ?! she looks good but that’s all even her clothes sucks !!!
August 10, 2004
I cant stand her. We allready have enough crap like britney spears and christina…. all she does is shake her ass, and the lyrics sound like it took maybe 1 to 2 hours to put that together. Shes is pretty but just like sexbabe said her clothes suck, and I cant believe keith flint is actually dating that.
August 17, 2004
No no no no NO. Text speak is NOT cool you little chavmonsters. If you ever want to get a job, why not learn how to spell NOW, and save time on the GCSE retakes?
You won’t think it so cool when all you can do is flip burgers / fraud benefits / thieve for the rest of your lives.
And burberry is simply a crime. Wake up.
August 18, 2004
She’s really sexy, but how the hell can a lil’ girl like that sample "for the love of money" of the o’ jays??
perchè devono sputtanare le canzoni che la massa non conosce? fanculo!
August 21, 2004
Jentina sei stupenda
August 23, 2004
I LOVE JENTINA!!
August 24, 2004
wow i am jentina iv never said shit to my lil cousin and yer iv got a step brother that lives with his dad in molesey and yer one of my brothers harry did die 4 years ago in oct who ever is on line actin like they no me fuck off spreading lies im not a evil cow i brake my neck helping my mother and my lil sister mary my dad has a wife and the rest of my lil brother and sis live with my real dad in guilford so suck eggs chatting shit about me jentina
August 26, 2004
Th’ gezza tha’ said dis sites bad mouthin comments were depressin’ iz on th’ ball
Youze dats doin’ th’ diss’in Make a record n vid, den u got the right to slag dope off
Truth is pop stars dont hurt ppl Politicians do!
Aim your ire at them!
Az fe ghetto – slum housin’ estatre wots th’ diff! I cant say much about Lemington Spa Th’ employment scene got a real stuffin there las’ year
Anyways save ur sneers fe the Bromford, Kingstandin an’ Chemsley Wood ‘ere in Brum, ’cause deyz goin’ ‘ead 2 ‘ead wiv Balmoral n Chelsea in th’ nob stakes ……..not
August 26, 2004
[colour=orange][/colour][size=12][/size] Jentina , is one of a kind. I like her music and i like the way she is !!!!!! JENTINA RULES
August 28, 2004
erm hello, i don’t use computer very much and i just wanted to say Jentina’s songs are good and me and the family have enjoyed them, I hope to see some more soon. Thank You, DB
August 29, 2004
I’d just like to tell you wonderful volk there in Britian That we are winning the war in Viet Nam It will be all over by Christmas
I still love you volk Even if that Frankie Howard chap won’t accept my invite to Guantanamo Bay ‘er I mean the White House
August 29, 2004
His boxers stink, like an ancient kipper
Calls ’isself ‘Le tute pumper’
It just don’t explain
The Clinton like stain
On the back of his jumper
Can’t pull a bird
Cause he’s an obese slob
Dried spunk stains, cover his clob’
An’ herpes scabs, encrust his nob
His boxers stink, like an ancient kipper
They’re Calvin Klein
Or so he says
At 2.99?
Yea right!
He diss’ed this wee gal
Coz!
It cost him a ton
Just to get a hand job
From a proz
Wiv a forensic glove
dirty ol’ sozz
It’s the nearest, he’ll ever get
To real true love
August 30, 2004
…..matt byrnes, your number gets a unobtainable tone. What gives?
August 30, 2004
Pleeeeeze buy my new single. Pleeeeeeeeeze.
August 30, 2004
It’s all been a big mistake I wasn’t trying organise a coup or leg it to America wen it went pear shaped
Actually I woz sellin me house to invest in the music industry’s wonderful singers, such as Jentina who features on this page
How they could ever mix that up wiv me buying guns I’ll never know
Could I ask that anyone intending to buy Jentinas latest Cd
Instead donate their cash to my defence fund at the Failed Mercenary Sharks Offshore Bank(Grand Cayman tax Haven):
fmsoffshorebank@grandcayman.com
I intend on being discharged when found not guilty to organise a coup in Ghana
Sorry scrub that! A slip of the tongue. Clearly showing the enormous pressure and strain that I’ve been under over the last few weeks
What I meant was, I intend to organise a huge three day pop festival in Ghana, with Jentina topping the bill
As a thank you to those Jentina fans, who contribute to the defence fund, all air fares and gate recipes will be wavered
I also suggest my two daughters do backing vocals for her
I’d also like to take this opportunity to ask David Beckham and his wife if they would put in a guest appearance. Posh could headline one of the days, if she so wished
Failing that lend me a few million, Dave? (I know you read this page)
After all Jentina, I’m sure you weren’t meaning me when you sung the words:
There’s enough men out there trying to check me
Talking to my sister trying to get through to me
Thinking of my face when their feelin lonely
And the all wanna phone me
Get to know me
Sittin the cell
With your hands on your head
Lookin at the four walls
Wishing you were dead
You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm
Rock every damn block in your prison
Besides I love my wife only (least that’s wot I tell her)
MT
August 30, 2004
i wonder if this works?
August 30, 2004
Never mind I’ve managed to delete the duplicate somewhat!
(accidentally posted an item twice?)
MT
August 30, 2004
hey jentina r you coming to holland?
for a concert