Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
January 24, 2006
Windup: it works fine in Firefox. Now, I’m not saying that I deliberately altered the code to annoy IE users but, well, I deliberately altered the code to annoy IE users. That’s not true, of course; to be honest, I don’t know why IE does that but that’s true of much of its behaviour.
February 6, 2006
how can she have any fans shes a fake and cant sing she is also a bully and had a go at one of her fans who is 13 she cant even pick on anyone her own age coz she is weak lady sovs song sad ass stripper is so true
February 7, 2006
Kelly (harper – sumin) sadassstrippa is soooo last year, get a f’kin life gal, fe fuk sake
even Ladi Sov ‘as moved on
By daway ‘as the penny dropped yet ? G.E. Treal = get real
February 7, 2006
IM SHITEING IN A PEESEBOAX AND PISHIN IN A CUP
February 8, 2006
hello my name is miss sinclair and i like to lick other women’s legs
February 8, 2006
SNOBBY JOBBY IS A SICK BASTARD
February 12, 2006
Jentina has been dropped 🙁
February 13, 2006
Thank the lord.
February 14, 2006
Oh pleezeee Ashley If you Don’t like her, it doesn’t mean nobody likes her. We need to respect each other. And I really dont understand why so many people dislikes her???!!! She just wanted to sing and she didnt harm anybody. And If U dont like her, then what are you doing ere….juzt to diss her, U peepz get a life.
Haterzzz Get A Life, because it seems like Your Life Sucks bad!!
February 14, 2006
Jentina is cooool and a great singer. Much better than craps like Hilary Duff, Britney Spears and other shit. And no to forget that bitch Sov damnzz that voice of her is killing me even my dog can sing better.
February 14, 2006
Kelly why are you talking like that? How do u know that she is fake?? What s that for bullshit, she is juzt doing her thing and so whattt if she had a go with a 13 year old fan, big dealll!!!!
There are soooooo many other things happen in this world we should worry about than the fact Jentina had a go with a thirteen year old fan.
U really need to open Ur eyes and look further
February 15, 2006
LADY SOVEREIGN IS MUCH BETTA THAN HER!!!! OMG WHAT IS WRONG WID U PEOPLE SHE AINT PRETTY TAKE OFF THE 16INCH LAYER OF MAKEUP AND GIV HER A GOOD MEAL INSIDE SHE MITE LUK A LITTLE BETTA. NO PROMISES THO. SHES A GYPSIE AND MADE PPLS LIVES HELL ROUND SURREY CHECK OUT LADY SOVEREIGN WEBSITE!! LOVE CAZ XXXX
February 18, 2006
Because you’re fat doesn’t mean that Jentina needs a meal!!!
February 20, 2006
who are all thes peeps talkin 2 me i dont evn no u so fuck off
kelly harper xx
February 25, 2006
I love Jen, her music is amazing!
February 26, 2006
Never heard of her. Thankfully I don’t catch her song on the way to Kerrang! .. I know the number of the channel.
February 27, 2006
Omg Lady Sovereign is shite! The mainstream will never want her sound (thank god) she has the MOOOOST whinnny voice EVVVEEEEEEER!
February 28, 2006
I hate Jentina. She’s a fuckin gypo. Eurgh. Lady Sov told a good story about that ‘Fake ass Strippah’
The bitch needs some food, but, oh it might be difficult with ‘er being a gyp an all…
Aww, is it painful to hear the truth that Jentina is a bloodsucking tramp? She might ave bin alrite if she never came out with the fake ass gangsterisms. Maybe she should stick to gyp music…
And as for shacking up with Keith Flint… He’s an Essex boy. They’ll sleep with anything.
March 1, 2006
Yo Minion —Everybodys business ain’t nobodys business— bitch!!
March 3, 2006
Paah paah i say you couldent hand me the peeseboax so i could plop out my new biffidus digestuvum stinker you see my dear peasants i need a snobby jobby..could anyone hold my hand whilst i do my dropping?
March 3, 2006
I want to have snobby jobby’s babies!
March 4, 2006
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JENTINA HAS A FANNY LIKE A BUCKET!
AND A DUNGFUNNEL LIKE A CLOWN’S POCKET!
March 12, 2006
] I Actually HATE Jentina! shes so crap and sov dissed her proper, fair and square "jentinaaa this is not a dreammmm"!! too right!!
March 12, 2006
Sov’s lyrical couplet
Original Diss my arse!
Yuh might fine a revive ov the ‘One Wheel Wheely’ rydim wiv it chatted on, Try one of the DJ’s like Early B, Josie Wales, or Charlie Chaplin
Dis is not a dream
Dis is not a nightmare
Nuffin new under the sun den!
March 19, 2006
Yeah ok Jentina fan. What a foolish bitch you are. And mind your business about my fuckin rants… "Geek voice" ‘Everybodys business is nobodys business!’
If that is the case then I trust you’ll mind your own business in my personal space where I’m free to cuss that daughter of a hag, Jentina.
March 19, 2006
JENTINA …JENTINA… SHE GOT A LIKING FOR DA PEENA… A BIG ONE… A SMALL ONE… THICK OR THIN THEY MAKE HER GRIN AND WHEN THEY POP IT GOES ON HER CHIN!!
Thats for you Jentinafann.
Good. In’t it?
Well I ain’t askin, its da truth…
March 23, 2006
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well well well i’ve only just found this site today Let me introduce myself my name is Mary Chapman and for those who dont’ know me i’m the younger sister of Jentina and prob the only one that really knows her i’m currently living in Australia workin on my music and workin hard on an album the reasoon for my email today is one to let everyone who is slagging my sisiter of and that one particular aunty of ours u no who u are and i cant believe you would do that to your own blood anyhow my sister is not a bitch nor a bad person she went through hell of a shit time and than she made it big let me tell you it’s not easy she worked fuckin hard for that and if anyone knows that it’s me just remember everyone has a heart inside and if that was you in that boat and people you know and don’t know were bringin you down trust me you wouldnt like it she’s an amazing person she dont deserve anymore shit she’s had her fare share give the girl a break if you really knew her their would be no bad comments and if your posting bad comments than take it from me as much as you think you know her YOU DONT so remember everyone has a heart and no-bodys perfect we just have to play the cards we are dealt i wish you peace and happiness and look out for me i’m on my way love to all of you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Mary xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx ps as for lady sovereign when i come up and believe me i will that bitch will go down i can promise if you know me i love and get on woth everyone but that bitch has crossed the barrier line which separates blood from water and you can all be my whitness i’m comming for you next year ‘SOVEREIGN’ and i’ve never been so hungry to eat chew and spit someone out as much as i have the passion to have you served on my plate and believe me i wont even need cutlery i’ll be seeing you around the corner ‘PRINCESS’
March 24, 2006
jentina is a good girl fuck u gorjer bread cunt by the way how r u mary girl love jonjo
March 24, 2006
mary hows the baby is it all right i will do any thing 2 help her you know
March 30, 2006
It’s amazing how one can look back at Jentina and how horribly she failed as a rapper. Well, to be precise, she is NOT a rapper. Her songs were well produced but that was nothing to do with her, she only had to concentrate on her dire lyrics and severe lack of diction. She was fucking awful, or to put it in her own language, "wanksta," "wack," and ‘fake’. She literally was the new Vanilla Ice.
I’m glad she failed. What a witch. She single handedly set back the cause of the female MC by about ten years.
Lady Sovereign not only tore that, quite frankly, bulimic looking bitch to pieces verbally but she also exposed her for the fraud she was. How DARE she pass herself off as a rapper. She got her record contract on her looks alone. Though why anyone would find someone as painfully thin as her attractive I do not know. And no matter how awful you all think Sovereign is, at least she doesn’t have the humiliation of not getting her album released here AND Missy Elliot is a fan of Sovereign. Jentina will be pleased.
Mary Chapman can kiss my aerobicised arse. We can all have an opinion on her sister – Jentina certainly didn’t hold back when she slagged off Girls Aloud and Will Young. Daft bitch.
March 30, 2006
Everywhere you go there are those ready to attack Jentina. She just illicits such bile. On YouTube there is even teenage schoolgirls slagging her off on film. It’s a craze.
March 31, 2006
paul; honey if you got an oppinon thats fine but if your bringing out facts than get em straight jentina has released an album you prat. and anyway WHO ARE YOU IN LIFE apart from a looser who’s on a website slaggin of someone you dont even know ifind that pathetic you can reply to this with verbal attitude but if you do than it prooves how low life you are go and get your own life on track instead of judgin other peoples hehe hehe i cant believe you dont have better things to do with your time apart from this and lady sovereign is as skinny as jentina and i dont think either of them are unatractive you must be fat and jelouse jentinas body is a knock out and any guy apart from you coz er ur a faggot knows this i gotta go know i have stuff to do x
March 31, 2006
You are wrong on so many things. Jentina released an album in ITALY which of course is NOT the UK. It was unreleased in Jentina’s OWN country and the only reason it was released at all was to fulfil her contract. That’s how low EMI considered that girl. From having millions spent on you and the best talent in the industry at your disposal to flopping so badly you don’t even get an album release in your own country is pretty crushing. Even AllStars got an album and they’re really shit. I’m actually rather slim, thank you very much. And I don’t have the shame of having everyone HATE me for being a shit rapper wannabe.
March 31, 2006
I’ll become childish:
Ha ha! Jentina failed! Ha ha ha!
April 1, 2006
She`s hot
nice voice nice body
April 1, 2006
I’m sure that will help her in her NEXT career.
April 1, 2006
Actually, that was all Jentina was. A catalogue model with big tits who was chosen by a record label to manufacture into a ‘rapper’. Female MCs out there must hate her for ruining their chances of getting a deal.
April 1, 2006
Paul Satanic, who the hell you think you are????
If you hate Jentina, then what are you doin’ here??
Why are you looking for her site, just to slag her of? Only sick people do such things hahahaha………but I bet you already knew that.
One thing I dont understand is…..For a hater U know A LOT ABOUT jENTINA,, WHY research if u think she sux??
You mother-fucker, just put your shite head in the toilet. There are enough people who think Jentina is GREAT, some english sluts are just jealous, cuz Jentina has everything and more, but they are ugly, fat and unhappy that’s why you guys slag her of. That s PATHETIC!!!!!!!
A DutchGirl
April 1, 2006
Paul Satanic, wat een sukkel uahahahaha. KK mongool, geen leven ofzo? Haters opgekenkerd!
April 1, 2006
pff kanke gare mensen, waarom zoeken jullie geen leven? Owjah die kunnen jullie toch NOOIT krijgen!! HAHAHAHA effe vergeten vooral die haters he, wat ik dus niet snap dat ze alles over haar weten, vreemd volk
April 1, 2006
”I’ll become childish” ????????????????
HAHAHA Paul you ARE childish, believe me SUCKER
huahhaha can’t u waste ur time with other things??
I really can’t understand this, perhaps because I m from the Netherlands. I went once in England and WOW what a weird country and not to mention the people there..Weirdo’s uhahaha but don’t be sad, u can’t do anything about it, It’s in your genes
April 1, 2006
“lady sov” is bullshit. her beats suck, her voice is obnoxious, i doubt her dumb dyke ass is from the ghetto, and SHES BRITISH. British people can’t be “gangsters”. they’re fucking british
go kill yourself, lady sovereign.
April 1, 2006
if non ov ur like Jentina ur fuckin daft man she is tha bomb man shes tha best ever u little faggets hu dunt like er i gota bone 2 pik wi yal al kik ur asses
April 1, 2006
i dont see how lady sovreigne can get away with saying things against ginger ppl when saying stuff against a certain religion or skin colour can get u sent to court, lady soveigne sucks and anybody who likes her shud get a life and start listenin to good music.
April 1, 2006
how can u diss Jentina? jus cos she dnt go on about any lads breakin hearts n stuff? every1 got their own opinions init, but it dunt mean all tha people who dunt like her shud come on ere dissin er, why dunt u haters stop wastin ya time n pay sum respect to her, cos i no a matter ov a fact u wunt dare step on her grounds n tell her to her face tht shes a bag of shit which she int!!! JENTINA is fkin wikid!
April 2, 2006
Point ov information Ppl! Could i jus point out (not that it will make the slightest difference)Dis is actually a spoof site if a body woud care to read Marks preamble to der slagging match which has since followed
How the girl has become one of the most hated figures on the pop scene (or so it would seem from the mailings posted here) fe Christ’s sake its beyond me
I suggest it is solely to to with the fact that she has gypsy blood and consequently is not actually been slated for her lack ov talent (no inference intended) but the attacks derive from a pernicious form ov racism that the ‘posters’ would be petrified to attach to, or attack a black artist with, coz they know the true intention would be rumbled
After all Sov’s toon’s dain’t ‘xctly sting till she cut a plate fe J-Zee She woz jus sum massamouth nastyspittle who nah got zinc cept fe her counteraction ov Jentina n’ u’d hav’fe be a real saddo to fink dat woz the las’ word in sarcasm or satire
However nothing surprises me regarding self delusion on dis site (Thats the entire site not jus’ the Pictures of Jentina or Sov pages)
Mark you are one evil genius (on your mothers side I believe)
OK Ok half evil, its actually not a very nice thing to be.
Still I’d be right to surmise that such is the intention ov dio page (delusion), So what can I say
It often helps me while away the odd half hour or so on a Sunday nite
I’ll shadup now!
April 2, 2006
It’s nice to see Jentina’s fans (all five of them) are so well educated. Actually I don’t believe she’s a gypsy – probably a boring story made up to make her look cool and it backfired. People didn’t like her because she made English female MCs look like dorks. Jentina does NOT represent female rappers in this country.
I heard she burst out crying when she was dropped.
April 2, 2006
The teenagers and kids Jentina sucked her fingers off to impress? Here’s what they thought of her:
Oh and I disagree with what Prodigy fans say. I don’t think Jentina used Keith Flint to get a record deal.
April 3, 2006
What do you mean with ”it’s nice to see Jentina’s fans are so well educated” ???
Who do you think you are???
The most intelligent human in the world?????? HA HA HA HA
Well I think you are BRAINLESS!! and STUPID!!
I mean com’on:
”I heard she burst out crying when she was dropped”
You think that’s amusing, well then you’re a really sad peron. That’s pitiable.
Shut up and get a life plz.
A DutchFan
April 3, 2006
Well tanxs fe dat Mr Satanic
Unfortunately u seem have developed an erroneous impression regarding a number ov points so let me illuminate u, which I sincerely hope, don’t cause disintegration of ur avatar. Oh Sorry that’s Dracula silly me
1. I don’t think there is actually five fans on this site it may be more like one Dutch ‘un who seems to have a multiple and conflicting personality problem
But for fuck sake you should know all about dat kinda thing seeings ur name’s ‘Satanic’
U know like: ‘Lucifer’ or ‘Beelzebub’ (No not the Death Metal band) i.e. ‘Legion’
For all I know u may be that same person!
In any event may I refer you to posts:
20.40 Tues 6th Dec 05 (note by proprietor Mark)
15.17 Wed 14th Dec 05 (a clear admission by the poster)
N’ by the way I’m not counting dat sicko Slobby Jobbie
2.since u big up postin’ URL’s take a look at dis ‘un
http://travellerstimes.org.uk/issues/TT21.pdf
Its unlikely the Travellers Times editor is going to give space to a ‘wannabe didicoy’ (Romany diddicoi) term for travellers with no Romany blood pal, after all u can bet the Roma travelling community is a small Parish. Shit like dat would get found out sharpish!
3. Sorry where exactly is it wrote in stone dat Jentina represents female rappers ov the UK?
U’d fink it would be wise to point out, neither is dat a privilege solely accorded to Miz Sov or her genre of Grime wouldn’t u?
Female rappers (n their genre) are many n varied with a corresponding degree of success n failure
4. for someone who feigns disinterest and disgust ov Jentina’s music, u seem remarkably uptodate on the trajection of her career so far
5. ‘youtube’ so f’kin wot, proves very little, u can find posted on it somewhere the uncalled slaggin’ dat K pop ‘Babyvox’ girl band got from K rappers DJ doc fe using Tupac’s image on one ov their vids (presumably they paid his estate for the licence to use it) Calling girls tarts, slags, ho’s or trollops etc, hardly makes for an adequate criticism of their music! But yes its often easy to make girls cry! I dare say, u wouldn’t need much to make Sov cry either, no matter how lippy she is
Counteraction has been around fe long time It Goes back to the days ov Bluebeat n’ Prince Buster and woz prominent in rivalry between Reggae Toasters (MC’s) I Roy and U Roy, baldhead and dreadlock, Eek a Mouse and King Kong
It woz the province ov Dancehall, Slackness n Ragga JA stars
N played its part in da killin’s ov Tenor Saw n Nitty Gritty allegedly by Supercat, longtime ‘fore history decided to get Biggie n Tupac in on the act
However Miz Sovs diatribe contribution to such a genre is rather lame in hilarity ov content and seems to hinge mainly on Jentina’s gypsy pedigree which begs another question as how she was qualified to headline an ANL concert, given the lyrical content ov such a song