Music To Drink Alcohol By
Scottish researchers (or "alcoholics") have recently discovered (or "hallucinated") some quite interesting results with respect to the way that music can affect the taste of wine. Via the BBC: The researchers said cabernet sauvignon was most affected by "powerful and heavy" music, and chardonnay by "zingy and refreshing" sounds. This contrasts a little with my own understanding of wine which has concluded after many years that chardonnay is best improved upon by pouring it down the sink and drinking something else entirely. Some of the specifics of the research (or "party") include assertions that Cabernet Sauvignon is improved by Jimi Hendrix, Syrah is best with Enya, and Merlot can be enhanced with an aural assault from Lionel Ritchie. As a person with ears who enjoys the way that music drowns out the voices telling him to burn and kill and poke repeatedly and as a world-renowned, respected expert (in my mind) in all things alcoholic beverage-related this particular "research" grabbed my hmmm-that’s-appealing-to-me node and strangled it into submission. To put it bluntly: I conducted my own minor examination (or "binge") into the subject and came up with the following list of perfect musical accompaniments to a handful of this planet’s drinks of an adult nature. Campari When I’m running around flapping like a mad thing that’s just been infected with mad mad thing’s disease and scraping at my tongue with hands, feet, gardening equipment, and the talons of freshly-captured birds of prey to try to rid my tastebuds of the face-scrunchingly bitter drink then nothing aids in the Campari Dance quite like "Me Ole Bamboo" from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. There is no more powerful force for getting one’s hands, legs, arms, knees, grannies, necks, and elbows moving in and out of rhythm than a good old-fashioned cockney tune. In the absence of Dick Van Dyke’s genuine Londonesque stylings you can try a bit of Chas & Dave. Baileys Baileys – indeed, all cream-based liqueurs – are supposed to be sipped over ice slowly so that they can caress their ways down your gullet and gently coat your innards in a creamy coating protecting it from all manner of ills: ulcers, harsh spirits made in a bathtub somewhere, accidental swallowing during a bukkake marathon, etc. In order to effectively line the floor, walls, and ceiling of your gastric organs a hip-based swirling motion is ideal and so we need to turn to the belly-dancing-encouraging sounds of Lebanon’s Nelly Makdessi and her delightful ditty "Ouf Ouf". Rememer: hip-shaking, not thrusting you filthy pervert. Woods Navy Rum Woods is strong, sweet, strong, sticky, strong, and 300% guaranteed to give you the...
Horror Movie Madman Warehouse
We’re terrified! Terrified! TERRIFIED! Terrified that you might just miss out on one of these HORRIFYING deals on Movie Madmen! Are you making a low-budget horror movie but you haven’t decided who or what will be the MALEVOLENT FORCE that kills and terrifies the teenage twits? Do you wonder just where the producers of movies such as A Nightmare On Elm Street, Saw, Halloween, and Steel Magnolias get their DISTINCTIVE EVIL baddie? Dare you enter the HORROR MOVIE MADMAN WAREHOUSE? We’ve got nasties coming out of our earholes and that means BARGAIN PRICES for you! Look at our exclusive online deals now! Before that THING behind your back KILLS YOU! The Blood Bin Be careful what you try to recycle … it might just be you that ends up as compost! Don’t worry about saving the planet when it’s you that’s in danger! Of death! It’s your everyday, green wheelie-bin. They’re everywhere. But this one harbours the deranged soul of a former refuse collector who was pushed into the crushing mechanism of a rubbish truck by his colleagues high on hippy juice. His blood – his very essence – seeped into discarded plastic bottles that were then used in the process of manufacturing this bin of torment and it became a living, breathing, killing, recycling machine. Can you ever kill The Blood Bin? Or is it merely recyclable into horror sequels? Perfect for movies with green or anti-green messages to convey and a snip at just $999. Hubert Bathtowel Following on in the fine traditions of horror movie villains with non-horrific names such as Michael Myers, Freddy Krueger, Jason Voorhees, and George Bailey is the initially heart-warming but ultimately heart-stopping Hubert Bathtowel. Hubert sucks! That’s right; every last drop of moisture pulled from your body. Devastatingly dessicating! Teased at an early age because of his ridiculous surname, Hubert drowned himself in the school pond and ended up going face-to-face with God who punished him for sinning by returning him to Earth in the form of his family monicker which is, admittedly, a bit Buddhist rather than Christian but at these knockdown prices who’s going to quibble? Hubert wants revenge on God and revenge on the kids who taunted him and if he gets rubbed between your legs after a shower then he’s okay with that too. Only $749.99 with a matching Handcloth From Hell. The Hot Air Balloonatic There’s terror in the skies and for once it’s not John Travolta. Look up and pray you don’t feel the hot air on your cheeks that signals the arrival of The Hot Air Balloonatic! What is the background of the bloodthirsty...
How To Improve Football
I’m a big sports fan. Not playing any! Oh God, no, not activity! Watching sports. Watching sports. I like many sports. Diverse sports. Not basketball, of course, as I have standards, but I can watch almost anything else from cricket to athletics to rugby league to kayaking to weightlifting to well, as I said, almost anything really. And I love football. American football or worldsoccerballfootball; it doesn’t matter which because they’re both awesome. Okay, it does matter which as far as this post is concerned. Watching the English Premier League matches this past weekend highlighted just what a state the game of global football is in. There’s no one particular thing that’s the problem but there is one person who could sort it all out: Sepp Blatter, FIFA President. An open letter to everyone’s favourite honest, upright, caring, football-loving, not-at-all connected with corruption within the game of football, occasionally sexist Swissman. My darling Sepp, Please allow me a moment to recover from the laughing fit over your ridiculous name. That’s better. Okay, football’s in a right old mess and I just know you want to sort it out but where do you start? Luckily for you I’m around. Problem: Refereeing Referees have a hard job to do. We appreciate that. It’s not easy being the centre of abuse for two hours while the game is on, pressured by fans, managers, players, coaching staff, ball-boys, stewards, and living under the constant fear of a swallowed-whistle emergency situation arising. Then again, they chose to do the job so screw them. The important thing is not whether they’re good or bad, though. It’s whether they’re consistently good or bad. If everyone realises that a referee is always going to fall for a theatrical dive in the penalty area then it provides a fair playing field for both teams and nobody will get upset. It’s when the referee makes a howler giving advantage to the opposition and then promptly fails to make the same howler for you that tensions rise. Suggested Solution: It’s not too late to get Pierluigi Collina‘s stem cells. And by that I mean: Clone Collina. Clone. Collina. Problem: Bad Decisions People make mistakes. They’re not perfect. Referees – even assuming they could be consistently bad or good – are as far from perfect as you can possibly get and will make a lot of mistakes. Mistakes annoy people. Football mistakes annoy spectators and players and they can cost a lot of money to the commercial interests behind football and to people betting on outcomes in dimly-lit cellars while Fat Jimmy and his "Associates" wile away the time sharpening their...
Water Lilies Movie
There’s almost no truth whatsoever in the scurrilous rumour that I’m too busy to put up a proper post and am merely taking advantage of a chance to engage in some viral blogging instigated by the awesomely hot Gia instead in order to keep the site ticking over so just put away those thoughts right now. If you like synchronised swimming – who doesn’t? – and you like tales of female adolescence centred on three fifteen-year-old girls experiencing first love in very different ways – why, that’s very nearly described my entire DVD collection! – and you want to see why critics have hailed the director and young stars – rather than just guess or use ouija boards – then I heartily recommend you watch Water Lilies. Watch the first six minutes of Water Lilies now by clicking below, then watch the remainder in the cinema safe in the knowledge you can arrive a little late and still know what’s going on. Assuming you don’t arrive late at the cinema I’m in, of course. Because then I’ll kill you. That start time you see listed? That’s when the film starts. It’s a crazy notion, I know. It’s not a rough estimate either. It’s when the film actually starts rather than when you should join the queue for overpriced popcorn and "small" cups of Fanta the size of your torso. How odd! Wait, where was I? The movie! Water Lilies might just do for synchronised swimming what Strictly Ballroom did for the paso doble. Hey! Got your own site? Then paste this code and show this video clip of the first six minutes of Water Lilies to your visitors too. Regular neOnbubble posting will return after this short...
Censored Celebrity Pictures
Keira Knightley bent over a chair and exposing herself to the world, Jamie Lynn Spears caught in an unforgettable pose, and Brad Pitt in an intimate and revealing embrace with Angelina Jolie are just three of the scenarios not pictured in this incredibly hot selection of censored celebrity photos! Is there anything in this world that Paris Hilton won’t put in her mouth? It’s certainly difficult to be certain and this picture is no real help on account of its gratuitious censorship but if I had to make a guess then I’d say that the answer’s probably no. I’m not saying that she can dislocate the muscles and bones of her face and get anything up to and including a whole Gary Coleman in there like a snake but I am hoping that you’re thinking that even though I’m not saying it now. Because I’m not saying that. David Beckham is something of a gay icon and a bit of a hit with the ladies I hear! Is that David Beckham nude apart from socks in public? It can’t be! David’s wife Victoria has drilled it into him many times (no making up your own jokes there) that socks and no pants is a fashion no-no! If only that picture of David Beckham wasn’t censored! David will be looking to earn his 100th cap for playing for England soon. I hope he has somewhere to hang it. Hayden Panettiere ended up showing off a little more than she was expecting while signing pictures! It was her repertoire of magic tricks in order to entertain a crying child. Hayden started with a string of coloured handkerchiefs from her mouth and then went on to produce an endless supply of gold nuggets from behind the child’s ear. She finished off with a disappearing elephant illusion that captivated the crowd but sadly failed to soothe the tantrum of the infant. After that Hayden gave up and went back to signing photos. It’s possible that one of her breasts slipped out of her top whilst doing so but it’s difficult to see with that "censored" sticker on the picture. What is Tobey Maguire doing with his hands in this photo? Sure, that could be innocent but being censored opens up a whole world of possibilities. Maybe Tobey’s hands are in his pockets. Or maybe he’s shooting webs around his crotch like in that movie he was in. You know the one. Tobey Maguire played a man who was bitten by a spider and then dressed up like a spider – a gay, colour-blind spider, but you do get them – and as this...
X-Rated Children’s TV Shows
Sesame Strict Duration: 97 minutes Features: BDSM, Interspecies, Googly Eyes Fetish, Extreme Counting, Spanking, Peanut Butter Sandwiches Rainbow-Oh-Oh Duration: 89 minutes Features: Gay Hippo, Ass-To-Zip, Double Bungling, Jane Filling, Cosplay Badpuss Duration: 123 minutes Features: Group Mouse Action, Woodpecking, Golden Showers, Toad In The...
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