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Aug11

Unicorn Four

Posted By Mark on Aug 11, 2013

Footage from cancelled 1970s science fiction show Unicorn Four. Unicorn Four… where the future is the future! And here’s the pitch for the show, because you looked like you were about to ask:

Aug11

I’ve installed a new theme for the site. If you’re reading this on the site and you’ve visited the site before then you possibly can tell already. If you’re reading this via RSS then you won’t be able to tell so I’m including a screenshot now just so you’re not left out. There are still a lot of things to sort out, not least of which is working out some way of getting the Google+ posts that are imported to automatically set the featured image. Still, it’s a start, and as I always think when I change the theme: maybe this will encourage me to post better content more often. I wouldn’t count on...

Jul29

Search Trends Of The Last Week

Posted By Mark on Jul 29, 2013

Hey! Here’s something that makes the site look cared for and attended to! A quick look back at search traffic! Now, I could have done this the easy way by highlighting some of the search terms used to find this site but there are only so many appalling spelling mistakes at which you can marvel. Instead, I thought I’d take a look at the more popular items that people have ended up reading in the last seven days as a result of searches. People want to know about the penis, apparently. About whether it’s ridged on the inside (that probably depends on what you’ve been inserting down the urethra I imagine); about the members of gorillas (zoophiliacs are an important demographic group on this website); how to make it bigger with underwear (I can’t think of a way that doesn’t involve a lot of stretching of skin and the potential for then leading to internal ridging (which might explain the first term)); diagrams of the penis entering the vagina (probably a gay person getting a little straight-curious if I had to hazard a guess). In actual news this week we learnt that Tim Westwood was leaving Radio 1 and 1Xtra after almost three hundred years as the voice of young street culture. This, naturally, led a number of people to check out the legacy of the DJ and discover his invaluable guide to pointing on this site. Hopefully, those distraught at his departure from the radio station can take some solace there. Someone who’s always a steady source of search traffic is Professor Brian Cox and recently a lot of people have ended up seeing the celebrity physicist’s antics when we got drunk in Borneo together. What those people were really after, though, were quotes from Brian, whether or not he wears a wig and/or is gay, details about his wife Gia (herself a regular source of traffic especially relating to her Serbian heritage), and his relationship with alcohol. Then there was also a flurry of search activity that sent people to Brian’s TV appearances but those were mostly from people looking to see whether Jane Cox had ever appeared in Rainbow. Finally, there’s been a darts championship this week and everyone’s (especially Phil Taylor’s) favourite darts player, Phil Taylor, won again. Well done Phil. I say that grudingly but it’s from the heart, grudgingly, so that surely counts? Anyway, people found the darts page. Especially German people for some reason. They’re a weird...

Jul27

Alien Games

Posted By Mark on Jul 27, 2013

For no reason at all I started up my Spectrum emulator and scrolled down the list of available games to load… There are quite a few games starting with the word “Alien”, I thought. And then: And I’ve not really added anything of much worth to the site in a little while. Followed by: I could quickly play all of them and write about it with screenshots. Ending with: Even though that’s arguably of about as much worth as not doing anything at all. But it keeps me off the streets, so here goes. Alien Adventure Written by Ian Upton and published by Stephen Hartley Software in 1984 this is a text adventure game with an alien world theme. Hence the name. The game starts with you in a deep quarry under an orange sky. It might help to picture the scene if you’ve ever watched Blake’s 7. I have, and every other episode took place in a quarry so this was a great boon to the mental imagery that the game was trying to convey. I started by typing LOOK and immediately was told that I could see a hidden gully. This struck me as nonsense. How could I possibly see something hidden? Surely it would be… whatever the opposite of hidden is. I decided to enter the not-hidden-at-all hidden gully and from there entered a tunnel until my way forward was blocked by rubble. I typed BARNEY RUBBLE and was told “I can’t” by way of response. This also struck me as nonsense although I was probably to blame too at this point. I decided to try the next game, which was… Alien Attack The game got off to an ominous start by instructing me to “Fly pass the aliens” which was clearly nonsense. The game then got much worse by starting. In summary: coloured lines, a thing that moves down the screen, some flashing black lines. Just awful. Alien Attack What’s this? A second game for the Spectrum called Alien Attack? Why yes! Yes it is! It had to be better, didn’t it? The game got off to an ominous start by instructing me to “Save the Earth from being distroyed” which was clearly nonsense. However, miracle of miracles, the game itself wasn’t too bad, featuring waves of well, let’s call them invaders descending down the screen (or from space if you like) while you shoot up the screen trying to stop them reaching the bottom. The graphics were just awful but this was more than made up for by the gameplay which was slightly above mediocre. Alien City Adventure Another adventure game but this time...

Jul07

The West Country Visit

Posted By Mark on Jul 7, 2013

Many years ago – almost exactly four to be almost exactly precise – my wife and I decided to take a day’s trip to the West Country (that area of the country in the west) and a jaunt around Cheddar Gorge in particular. The plan was to travel for a few hours to it, spend several hours in it, and travel back; the plan failed horribly. The route we chose – the supposed fastest one – was beset every few hundred metres it seemed by breakdowns and accidents (other people, somewhat thankfully, not us) and so our several hours at the tourist attraction became less than one as we had a pressing engagement that required us to return home. Fast forward to the beginning of last week and we decided to return. There was a good reason to return; when you buy a ticket for the various caves and museums at Cheddar that ticket is good for ten years. We wanted to complete all the things we’d had to skip on our previous trip. And, if we were going to go to Cheddar then why not extend the stay for a few days and take in the historical sights of Bristol and Bath at the same time? That was our thinking so that’s what we did. We selected Weston-super-Mare as the base of operations for no other reason than we’d not been there and it sounds pretty funky. Weston-super-Mare One of the first things you discover about Weston-super-Mare is that it has a sandy beach. You get to discover this long before you see the beach as the wind whips up the top layer of said beach and makes continuous and often successful attempts to insert that layer of sand into your eyes, ears, nose, and mouth. If you’re wearing a skirt (I wasn’t) or loose-fitting shorts (again, no) then you might want to clench your buttocks as you battle the omnipresent off-shore gale too in order to prevent some uncomfortable, rough rubbing a bit later on. Unless you like that sort of thing. Weirdo. The next thing you discover about Weston-super-Mare is that the sandy beach extends a long way out and at some fair distance away the sand becomes wet and muddy. This level of the beach then extends further out towards the horizon where – if the sun is shining – you’ll see reflections on the surface of something that might just be the sea. However, during our three days in Somerset we weren’t able to ascertain if this really was the case or if the mud simply underwent a process that made it shinier the...

Jun22

Public Displays Of Affection

Posted By Mark on Jun 22, 2013

It's interesting to see the different ways in which people show affection or react to public displays of affection while on the street. Here we have a couple who are madly in lust with one another and who couldn't care less who sees them. And why should they? Good for them! And there to the right is James who feels a little differently about things. James looks absolutely mortified. But then, James is being followed closely by a small, black, wheeled robot proclaiming its love for James in a shrill, electronic voice. James has probably been tinkering with the robot's emotion circuits and is now paying the price. Oh James, you silly person! #StreetPhotography +StreetPhotography curated by +Maria Roco and +Tatiana Parmeeva Google+: View post on...