Job Hunting
I have been quiet – online, at least – of late, and the reason, if the title of this post were not clue enough, has been due to a period of job hunting. You will be pleased to know – especially if you are my bank manager, but especially especially if you are my wife – that the hunt for a job was fruitful and I start at the new place very soon indeed. Being quiet online during this extended season of sourcing new employment was a necessity for a number of reasons. Firstly, nobody wants to walk into an interview and be greeted with: "We Googled your name. Didn’t you just write an article extolling the virtues of sex with geese?" Secondly, and more importantly, it’s difficult to persuade your wife you’ve nothing better to do than produce articles extolling the virtues of sex with geese when you’ve taken the time and effort to convince her you really have been looking for a new job, honing your CV to perfection, and learning enough of the skills you’ve claimed you know on the CV you’ve just been honing to perfection in order to get a foot in the door. But I have a job now so that’s all over. That said, there will be no more mention of sex with geese, no matter how good it is. And it is. It really, really is. I learned some things – not just skills for the job – while I was quietly looking for that new opportunity, these things being still somewhat job-related, and so thought I would impart my accumulated knowledge to you, should you find yourself in a similar position. This makes me feel good, frees up room in my head to pick up something trivial, and helps to form a delightful segue back into writing regularly once more. There are four ways to find a new job: Sit at home and wait for a mysterious, black envelope to drop through the letterbox out of the blue. Inside will be instructions on where to go and who to meet. You’ll be earning a seven-figure salary instantly and will be required to sleep with devastatingly beautiful people in order to entice out secrets of foreign powers. Ask friends and family if they know of any jobs going. Send out your CV and covering letter to employers and agencies. Sign up with an online job searching website and wait for the agents to call you. I was tempted by the first option but my wife and her awesome +4 Iron Of Search For A Job Or I’ll Hit You With This...
UK Road Signs – Advanced Meanings
Congratulations! You’ve passed your driving test and you now know how to barely get around this great country of ours in one of those automocars everyone’s talking about. That shiny, pink licence to drive in your wallet, purse, or pocket means you can start to forget most of what you learnt and especially the meanings of many of the signs you had to know but which you’ll soon discover you never see in real life: migratory toad crossing? What? No entrance to horse-drawn carriages? So? But wait! There are some road signs you will need to know. And worse! The meanings you learnt in the Highway Code won’t be quite the same. Oh, the horror! How can you – novice driver – possibly hope to survive on the congested roads of the United Kingdom when everyone else is playing to a different set of rules? Help is at hand! Read on to discover the advanced meanings of several UK road signs and markings they don’t dare tell you when you’re learning to drive. With this guide you’ll be almost one percent less likely to be the cause of a serious accident in your first few years of driving on our dreadful roads and motorways. Standard Meaning The barred white line across the front of a dropped kerb which forms part of the entrance to a garage for a house indicates that there are to be no stationary vehicles. Because it’s an entrance. And if there were stationary vehicles there then it would no longer be one. Advanced Meaning The barred white line across the front of a dropped kerb which forms part of the entrance to a garage for a house indicates that there are to be no stationary vehicles. Unless it’s your garage when it suddenly becomes a magical, lovely, private parking spot for you in addition to the one in your garage. Because you’re special. Never mind that you never put your car in the garage and are just using it to build up a monument to nearly empty paint tins; you bought a house with a garage and, subsequently, you get your own extra parking spot right near your door when every one of your neighbours has to struggle with finding some place within four roads of their home late in the evening because it seems every other home has at least two family cars plus a large, white van they use for work. Standard Meaning If you want to go straight ahead get in the lane with the arrow pointing straight ahead. If you want to go left or right then get in the lane...
User Friendly Software
A lone figure stands by a desert highway. He casts a short, stumpy shadow on the white, white-hot, sandy surface. The sun is high. Also, the figure is a short, stumpy person. He’s wearing a light jacket, notable only for the badges stuck haphazardly on its lapels and sleeves. There’s one in the shape of a feather that says Apache so maybe this figure of a man has native blood in his veins. Was there a tribe of short, stumpy Indians? This other badge here, though, has a got a dolphin on it. There’s some lettering underneath: MySQL. Safe to say this figure’s probably not part-aquatic mammal. Then again, he’s sporting a stylised penguin too. Weird. The fourth badge is quite plain; just a dark oval with a darker name: PHP. Sounds druggy. Seems appropriate. Yeah, we know this figure. It’s Mr Lamp. There’s a car coming down the highway, materialising out of the heat haze. Seems to take forever to arrive but that’s hardly surprising: look at the size of it! It’s a stretch limousine. It’s bright. It’s flash. It looks great. And there’s a gorgeous custom paint job with writing down the side of it too that spells out User Friendly Software!!! A few more exclamation marks wouldn’t go amiss there. Forget how it looks for the moment and listen to the sound. No, you can’t hear the engine because of the music coming out of those mounted loudspeakers on the roof of the beast. There’s a thumping bassline that makes the sand jump to the beat as the car pulls up. It’s a song popular with the kids: User Friendly it’s called. You hear it once and you’re humming along or singing along all day: "User Friendly Software, User Friendly Software." Basic, repetitive, but you know what you like and you just like it. The door’s opening and you can see why the limo was just so stretched as girl after girl after girl emerges in matching cheerleading outfit. They’re laughing; they’re probably a little drunk. Mr Lamp’s looking uncomfortable and it’s not from the heat. He’s trying to draw himself inwards and upwards; trying to not be quite so short and stumpy. What’s the point, though? The girls aren’t paying him any attention. No, they’re forming lines and they’re shaking their pom-poms and they’re singing along: "User Friendly Software, User Friendly Software." Mr Lamp’s sweating a bit now and it’s only getting worse. The cheerleaders are forming pyramids; they’re tossing girls up in the air; they’re doing splits. They look good. No, actually, they look gooood. The music stops and the girls cheer. Mr Lamp...
Fake Moon Landing Photos
The world is still divided between those who believe the lunar landings were genuine as they were backed by scientific fundamentals coupled with a hell of a lot of physical evidence to support them and those who wouldn’t believe their hair was on fire if you stood them in front of a mirror and handed them a concise pamphlet that explained what that hot feeling and that dreadful smell were. So, did Neil Armstrong and Buzz "The Buzzmeister" Aldrin really walk on the moon while Michael Collins did the ironing in the lunar orbiter? Was the landing a hoax, a propaganda tool to use in the war of "who’s got the bigger penis?" going on with the Russians? The people who state that the landings were fake claim that you can’t trust the photographic evidence provided by NASA as photographic evidence is not a very trustworthy medium indeed. To prove their own case they use the photographic evidence provided by NASA as photographic evidence is a very trustworthy medium indeed, and their reasoning is often compelling if you’re tired and have had a few to drink. Photos documenting the alleged fake moon landings can easily be found on the web. With the 40th anniversary of the Apollo XI moon landings almost upon us I’ve decided to group together some of the pictorial evidence against the moon landings being genuine and let you decide for yourself. Hoax? Real? Will we really ever know for sure? One of the conspiracy theories linked to NASA’s Apollo missions to the moon is that actors were used rather than wasting money on fake-training former air force pilots. Certainly, it’s difficult to think of another reason why Jonathan Harris – better know for his role as Dr Zachary Smith in Lost In Space – made it into early publicity shots of the Apollo XI command crew. The shadows cast on the moon seem to be a constant source of contention. Some people point out that in certain photos the shadows don’t appear to be parallel as if there were more than one light source or, bizarrely, the ground were in some way uneven. Other people notice oddities in the shadows as if there is something off camera that doesn’t seem to fit on the lunar surface. Do you know the Klingon proverb "revenge is a dish best served cold"? It is very cold… in space. And the moon’s in space so it should be very cold there too. Yet, the picture above clearly shows Neil Armstrong enjoying an ice cream, an unlikely choice of food for such a cold environment. But… a heavy suit under...
Embedded FriendFeed
I’ve freshened the site up a bit. If you’ve been here before then you might notice. If you’ve not been here before then, oh! Oh! Oh, you should have seen it! It wasn’t this fresh, nosirreebobsir! Oh! This is just intensely freshified in every freshenizing way possible! Fresh! What I’ve done – in technical web terms – is widenated the width by a smidge, simplifized the header graphic for a more 2009 Upside Your Head experience, expanderified the right column whilst simultaneously shrinkicating the left column by one tad and three-fifths of a little bit respectively, dispensed summary judgement on numerous widgets, gubbins, and doohickeys, and embedded my FriendFeed feed embeddable FriendFeed embedder. The FriendFeed feed embeddable FriendFeed embedder replaces much of the functionality of the aforementioned widgets, gubbins, and doohickeys and so allows me to reduce duplication of effort in keeping neOnbubble freshly fresh. This leaves me more time for pillaging. I do like pillaging. Embedding FriendFeed 1. I followed in the footsteps of Building43 as explained here – Embedding FriendFeed … – although I didn’t bother with the <object /> tag usage because, well, I couldn’t see the point and my tests showed it clearly slowed down page rendering in any browser. 2. I added custom CSS as explained in the Building43 article but used the stylesheet developed by AJ Batac in his fabulous Cleaner FriendFeed Greasemonkey script as the basis for modifying. 3. I added the excluded page term "*/embed*" to Greasemonkey’s management page for the script so that my embedded FriendFeed and anybody else’s will look as we intend it, while visiting the main FriendFeed site is still rendered in the Cleaner...
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