Slugs In Comics
Previously on neOnbubble dot com… Vintage Slug Advertising Classic Slug Magazines Classic Slug Movie Posters More Vintage Slug Adverts And now the next thrilling chapter in our ongoing series: "What The Hell Is It With This Man’s Obsession With...
Places I’ve Found Jesus
People – most often religious people with glaucoma or people who really, really want to appear on local news broadcasts – frequently find Jesus in the strangest of places: on areas of concrete walls popular with tramps as public urinals, wherever damp has seeped onto the ceiling because of dodgy roof tiles, on bread left too long in the toaster, et cetera. You know: all the places the son of an omnipotent, omniscient creator of everything in the universe and then some would appear. Now, I’m not religious and feel that anyone who is is merely worthy of nothing but my unending contempt yet I too have not been immune to occasional appearances in my life by the fictional character of Jesus. Unlike others who have gone before me I’ve no expectation or intention of appearing in pictorial form in my local free paper pointing at a smudge while mouthing the word "ooh!" But that won’t stop me uploading my evidence here. And mouthing "ooh!" Jesus In The Sky I remember the day well: it was a Wednesday or a Saturday. Probably a Saturday actually because the orthodox Jews would have been unable to Twitter the appearance of Jesus. That’s the mysterious way of the Lord at work right there. Yes, so it was most likely a Saturday. I remember it well: I was outside because you can’t see the sky from my living room. We don’t open the curtains because the plasma TV’s in the bay window and most of the time we can’t be arsed reaching over the back of to try to drag the curtains around. And there’s a moth that lives on the curtains which I don’t like disturbing. Although when he flies around at night bumping into the TV when we’re trying to watch a DVD I could happily strangle him. I’d need really small hands though. No, but I wouldn’t really strangle him. Or her. How do you sex a moth? Anyway, why am I talking about the curtain moth? So, yes, I was outside. Looked up. Saw Jesus. I remember it well. Jesus In Vomit That Christian messiah really appears in some unpleasant places. So, this one time I was out walking, minding my own business, whistling in my mind so as not to annoy anybody else. Suddenly – bam! – from out of nowhere I heard someone speaking in tongues. Turned out it was me and the voices were saying things like "bleurgh!" and "ohgahohgah" which didn’t make any sense. But inside me there was a another voice, really quite similar to my own which was translating these strange utterances and...
Lion Dog
I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking: "What? What the? What the hell is this? I didn’t come here to see this? What is it? What’s going on? What’s this doing here? What is it? What is…? No, wait, what? I don’t get it. What is this? What’s it here for? I came here looking for funny stuff. Or naughty images of celebrities. I know they’re here. And jokes. Yeah, there are jokes, aren’t there? This, though? What? Why? What is it?" I’d probably think the same thing. Let me explain: It’s a picture. Man, I wish there was a test you had to pass before you could use the...
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Recast
In the wake of J. J. Abrams’ new Star Trek, and inspired by this thread on FriendFeed, let’s take a look at a possible recasting of Star Trek: The Next Generation should the studios ever decide to remake it too (or they could come up with something original (but I haven’t so I can’t really talk)) and were it to happen today. The actors have been selected either because of their physical similarities to the original cast, or because of acting history that is shared with their characters. Importantly, all actors also have some connection to the Star Trek universe, the characters, or the original actors in some way. Vin Diesel as Captain Jean-Luc Picard The necessary characteristics of the captain of Starfleet’s NCC-1701D through G or possibly further are: articulate, intelligent, diplomatic. Failing all those, bald. Thus, it was either Vin Diesel or Jason Statham and of the two one is slightly less likely to issue the command "Conk those bleeders on the noggin and let’s scarper!" in the heat of battle. Star Trek Fact: Vin Diesel’s real name is an anagram of "Romulan Warbird." Tom Cruise as Commander William T. Riker Any fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation will tell you that when Will Riker is around women, everyone starts to feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s his smarmy smile. Perhaps it’s the way everyone acquires Betazoid powers of knowledge into what’s going through his mind whenever the opposite sex are involved. Most likely it’s his penchant for standing with one leg resting on a console, log, a chair, or the back of an ensign in order to splay a little and show off "the package" in the presence of ladies. Whatever the answer, when it comes to actors who come wrapped in a cloak of caution then there’s nobody better than Tom Cruise. Extensive use of CGI, interesting camera angles, and convenient boxes may be required. Star Trek Fact: Tom claims to be an expert in dealing with Thetans; I think they were the orange aliens on rollerskates in the original series. Christian Bale as Lt. Commander Data Playing a Vulcan is easy; you simply have to suppress the emotions you have. Playing an android is more difficult. Gone are the days when you could get away with replacing "Yes" with "Affirmative" and adding "Bee Boop" at the end of every sentence. Today’s cinemagoers demand just a little more. Emotionless Data needs an emotionless actor; an actor actually willing to have actual brain surgery to actually remove actual tissue in the area responsible for actual human feelings. Christian Bale – in numerous roles – has...
Britain Under Labour
Under Labour rule, this is just part of the state of Britain (and what a state it is!): Privacy We are watched wherever we go. We are tracked both physically and virtually. Who we talk to is noted. What we look at is written down. They haven’t got around to tracking our cars just yet but that’s coming. And all this information – too much for one little government to cope with – is shared, either purposely or as a result of incompetence. DNA Your DNA is taken if you are arrested. Your DNA is taken if you are simply questioned. Your DNA is retained no matter what you were questioned for. Your DNA is retained even if you were innocent. The police are encouraged to question everyone. The government really wants your DNA. The government claims it is to help solve crimes, both past and future. But there aren’t enough prison places and courts are instructed not to send people to jail. But the government really wants your DNA. Only it’s difficult to question everyone when there aren’t enough police men and women. So… Identity Cards ID cards will cut down on identity theft so long as the cards cannot be counterfeited. Which they already can. ID cards are expensive. The Labour government laughs off the cost even as it rises higher and higher. During a global recession. The Labour government pushes ahead with ID cards and the grand database despite the extortionate amount of money involved. When the country has no money. When the government couldn’t even get the NHS database working. Labour spends money on a system that’s neither wanted nor necessary nor, according to security experts, useful. While people lose jobs and companies go out of business. But Labour says ID cards are useful so that’s why people are being encouraged to voluntarily buy them now (while the price has been temporarily frozen at half the doubled cost laughed off years ago.) Even though there are no ID card readers to make use of the cards. And to get a card you’ll need proof of ID just like the proof of ID everybody already has and doesn’t need to spend money on. And you’ll have to submit some biometric data. The Labour government really wants your biometric data. Money The country doesn’t have any. Not now. Not for a long, long time to come. What money it does get in the future will be paying off what Labour are spending now on pointless projects that only line the pockets of private companies and individuals and future former-MPs consulting for those private companies and individuals. Or...
High Tech History
Churchill, Roosevelt, & Stalin at the Yalta Summit. This image was entered into a recent competition on Gizmodo which I didn’t win and so won’t link to. It is a losing entry. The image is an image not worthy of the status of "winner." The picture is a failure as competition entries go. If you had a Venn diagram with a circle representing all pictures that had won photoshop competitions then this picture would be in another circle next to but not intersecting that first circle. Although the world is in the throes of economic gloom and doom it’s possible that a shop might open in your neighbourhood that sold prints of pictures that people deemed to be winners but you certainly wouldn’t find this picture there. In an alternate dimension where winning images are revered as gods this image would be one of the images that cleans up the temple after everyone has gone home for the night. If you had three winning pictures in your left hand and five winning pictures in your right hand and you took one winning picture from each hand and gave them to a little boy who had no pictures, winning or otherwise, then neither of you would still have this picture. A train full of winning pictures leaves London at midnight heading north at thirty miles per hour; this picture waves that train goodbye from the platform and shuffles off into the night before shooting itself with a...
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