Site Update News; Comments, Entrecard, Stats
Site Update News for March 2008. Because I know you’re interested in this sort of thing. No, really, you are. NoFollow and Comments NoFollow has been implemented across most of the site to try to reverse this site being unfairly punished by everyone’s favourite behemoth of a search engine for simply linking to an affiliate scheme in one freaking place. This means that the latest finds and links to recent visitors are now used for their correct purpose – promoting them to other visitors – rather than adding to their own pagerank score. This in no way condones the ePenis ranking system of pages employed by the search engine that shall not be named in this paragraph. I just want my number back. To somewhat offset that I’ve implemented a Top Commenters section in the sidebar which lists those people who have commented and left a website URL during the process in the past couple of months. These links are NoFollow-free as a means to reward other site-owners who leave comments. This doesn’t mean I’ll just accept any old comment though. It also doesn’t mean I won’t. I’m crazy like that. It does mean that there will be no pagerank-transferrable paid-for links to other sites which should appease those who rank pages. Hopefully. Entrecard I’ve signed up with Entrecard to see if I like it. It’s a traffic-promotion system and no money changes hands to advertise or display links to other sites in the network. Site owners sign up and click on other people’s cards on their sites to earn credits, also earning when people click on theirs in return. These credits can be used to request advertisement (with no guarantee of acceptance) on another site in the network, the amount dependent on how active that site is with regards to clicking and being clicked (are you following this?). My thoughts so far: it’s good in principle but it needs work. The rating for clicking and being clicked is evenly split between the two but to be truly fair it needs to be weighted far more towards received clicks than those made by the site owner as it artificially inflates the perceived value of sites run by people who simply move from one site to another in the network clicking and closing. it would be nice to be able to tell whether a site was a monetising site before visiting it. So I wouldn’t have to. Seriously, how many ways can people try to make a "earn kajillions from adverts on your site!" site? Are people still that gullible? Probably. I’ve found some good sites and added them to...
Exclusive Picture! Prince William Fighting In Asia
They’re calling him "Warrior King William!" British Royal Prince William has been fighting in Asia since late December and has been directly involved in unarmed combat. This new exclusive revelation follows on just hours after the exclusive revelation that Matt Drudge of the Drudge Report exclusively revealed exclusive revelations he’d read in two other media publications – Australia’s New Idea and Germany’s Bild – exclusively revealing Prince William’s brother Harry had also been fighting in the Asian region. Prince William, a relative newcomer to the world of Muay Thai boxing, and second in line to the throne of Britain, has been a "rather smashing combatant" and "surprisingly adept at roundhouse sweeps." Prince William is taking part in a tournament of amateurs in the Thai capital, Bangkok. Ministry of Defense and Clarence House refuse all comment. Close friends have managed to keep the prince away from the local brothels and have encouraged fellow Brits on holiday in the region to stay quiet. Developing...
Return Of The Uncut Bible
Comparing the various Bibles against the one true Bible – Old Wumpard’s Uncensored Bible – is an arduous task but that didn’t stop me before when we previously examined The Bible: Uncut and More Uncut Bible. And you can be certain it sure as hell won’t stop me now. Kneel down, grab yourself a glass of Communion Wine, and pray before the altar of yet more passages from the only creditable and unedited Bible around. "Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, in our likeness, and let them rule over the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, over the livestock, over all the earth, and over all the creatures that move along the ground. Oh, except cats. They have a mind of their own, they do.’" Genesis 1:26 The commander of the LORD’s army replied, ‘Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy.’ And Joshua did so. But his feet were a bit ripe so the commander of the LORD’s army asked him to put them back on again." Joshua 5:15 "That same night the LORD said to him, ‘Take the second bull from your father’s herd, the one seven years old. Tear down your father’s altar to Baal and cut down the Asherah pole beside it. Then build a proper kind of altar to the LORD your God on the top of this height. Using the wood of the Asherah pole that you cut down, offer the second bull as a burnt offering. Then pack a cooler with ice and fill it with bottles of beer. Make sure you defrost the buns. And don’t forget the ketchup. And can you get hold of disposable plates and cutlery? Awesome!’" Judges 6:25-26 "The king said to me, ‘What is it you want?’ Then I prayed to the God of heaven, and I answered the king, ‘Can we have our frisbee back please?’" Nehemiah 2:4-5 "There was a certain man from Ramathaim, a Zuphite from the hill country of Ephraim, whose name was Elkanah son of Jeroham, the son of Elihu, the son of Tohu, the son of Zuph, an Ephraimite. It took him forever to sign his name which often ired other shoppers." Samuel 1:1 "The company of the prophets at Bethel came out to Elisha and asked, ‘Do you know that the LORD is going to take your master from you today?’ ‘Yes, I know,’ Elisha replied, ‘for the LORD sent me an email last night.’" 2 Kings 2:3 "When the enemies of Judah and Benjamin heard that the exiles were building a temple for the LORD,...
Stunning Medical Facts That Will Stun You
Is your anti-stun helmet in place? What’s that? No anti-stun helmet? Well then, get thee to a comfy chair as quickly as possible! Why? Because there’s some stunning coming up and I don’t want you to get hurt, that’s why. Prepare to be stunned with these stunning medical facts that will stun you! The human ear is over 40% fruit. You can tell someone’s age by seeing how long it is before they react to eye-poking. After the menopause a woman’s knees start to drift downwards. 1 in 5 Americans suffer from a superfluous third arm. Pressing the right combination of freckles will flip open a person’s head. Lips are a relatively modern evolutionary adaptation to the face, replacing velcro. The clitoris extends for three metres inside the female. In addition to sweat, armpits also secrete WD-40 to prevent squeaking. Eskimos are born with an extra internal organ that breaks down whale blubber into mint juleps. The human body can withstand pressures up to seven but I’m forbidden from telling you what scale I’m using. The strongest material in nature is an old lady’s cankles. A tribe of natives in South America spend their entire adult lives inside-out. In an emergency the colon can double as bungee cord. Tastebuds are extremely sensitive and should not be allowed to see Steven Spielberg movies. Women feel no pain during childbirth but have a natural instinct to try to make men feel guilty. But wait! There’s more stunning! The gag reflex is nature’s defence against sword-swallowing. The adrenal gland is also responsible for humming in humans. Rapid eye movement is an autonomic response to lice fidgeting under your eyelids. There is as much vitamin C in male ejaculate as in a common or garden house brick. "Friendly bacteria" will not return your lawnmower if they borrow it. Bald men are compensated by wide-ranging and thick forests of pubic hair. A person will remain conscious for 15 seconds following decapitation but instantly loses the ability to sigh. A woman reaches her sexual peak ten minutes after her man has fallen asleep. People with eyes of different colour are actually twins who coalesced in the womb. With concentration and practice the anus can work as a gill underwater. 25% of the brain’s functions are dedicated to avoiding choking while eating biscuits. Nostrils are purely for decoration. Laughter is not the best medicine for people with split sides. Leprosy is not contagious if you only touch elbows. Lifting the toenails reveals some handy storage space. The unattractive appearance of the scrotum is a genetic device designed to frighten away intruders from the...
The Perfect Shave
Beards! Some people love them; the joy of finding food long since forgotten, the thrill of wondering what that smell is under your nose, the orgasmic experience that comes with constant scratching. If you’ve just committed a crime with a beard then you can change your look in an instant with a shave! It’s not so easy the other way around unless entropy is having an off day. For most people, however, beards are an abomination that needs to be culled. Real women like their men to be smooth of face and real men prefer their women the same way. The down-below area is a special bonus for birthdays! You’d think we’d all know how to shave properly after over sixty years of evolution but the sad fact of the matter is that there are so many options out there and so much conflicting advice confusing our battered minds it’s a miracle of nature that blood loss and infections haven’t done for half the world’s male population. Never fear! The neOnbubble guide to The Perfect Shave is here! Shaving Cream/Gel Forget about commercial products here. Shaving creams and gels are typically made from the boiled-down carcasses of squirrels. Although this lathers well and raises hairs from the skin (squirrel magic!) making it easier to shave them, the downside is that nut allergies are on the rise leading to higher and higher rates of young men with inflated red heads taking up valuable space in accident and emergency rooms. Did you know you can make your own shaving cream from household goods? You do now! Not only is this cheaper than spending thousands of pounds a year on cream in a can but it’s also better for the environment (not Earth’s) and better for your skin. Using a pencil, grind three whole peppers – each of a different colour and weight – into a mixing bowl no larger than your left hand. Add two scoops of solidified vinegar – the solidifiedier the better! Now pour in all the little bits of cereal in the bottom of a box, whisking the mixture with a whisk made from cats’ whiskers until your bowl’s contents reach the consistency of elbow skin. Cook slowly on a hob until bubbles form and then gulp everything down in one go. What comes back up goes on your face! Hypoallergenic! Shaving Brush Most men simply slap shaving cream onto their faces and work it into a lather. Others prefer to have their butler blow it gently into a froth before applying it to the visage with a toothpick. But those who use shaving brushes swear by them,...
What Windows Said
Thankyou Windows! You’re my bestest pal! What Windows said … What Windows meant … Could be worse, though. I could be a Mac user....
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