Joost Invitations
Joost Invitations Are Just A Click Away … If You Click This Link That Is … Otherwise They Are Potentially Further Away Yes, you too can be a proud member of Joost just like I’m not at the moment by doing what I’m doing and whoring myself out … oh God, I feel so cheap … all this for a Joost invitation … I mean, I love RGS and there’d definitely be some hugging and spooning afterwards but still, I could have just asked Jason, couldn’t I? … this bloody Joost thing had better be worth this … I’m putting off an hilarious (disclaimer: not that hilarious) post about darts for this … feel … so … dirty … but I kinda like it. In summary: Joost. UPDATE 14:30ish: Okay … I now have Joost … and it will take some getting joost to … haha! that’s an awful joke! did you see what I did there? … I said joost when I … oh, never mind. UPDATE 11th May: Do you want a Joost Invitation? There are two ways to get an invite from me. a) if you know me, have commented here before, link to this site, or are linked from it then simply send me an email or click here and fill in the comment box with your FIRST NAME, LAST NAME, and EMAIL address. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. b) if you’re a first-time visitor then … quid pro quo Clarisse … pick an article, any article (popular articles are here, a list of stories is here, awesome tales of religion are here, or the archive of all articles is here), read it, and comment on it in a relevant way (positive or negative, just not short and pointless) to fool me into thinking you really have read it (I won’t believe you but let’s just play along), and then come back here and request your invitation (FIRST NAME, LAST NAME, and EMAIL address please). I.e. you have to leave at least 2 comments; one elsewhere, then one here. 3 comments is good too, and 4 and above are wonderful. However … only 1 comment? Sorry. And 0 comments? That’s a big no-no as I’m not telepathic. That’s not much to ask is...
Goodbye Tony Blair
It’s been a diabolical decade under Tony Blair’s Titanic-style captaincy and with it now coming to an end journalists, editors, authors, and owners of small websites with not much else to do will rush to answer the question: just what has been that total arse Tony Blair’s legacy? Eleven years ago the UK was content to elect grey politicians with dull lives, spending their time lying in an uninteresting manner, carefully ignored by the populace at large. Blair changed all that. His razzle-dazzle style of Labour leadership, co-opting songs people already hated and turning them into Labour anthems people really hated, coupled with his youthful head of hair, forced part-grimace-part-smile, and odd-looking wife befuddled all nine of the electorate who turned out to vote in 1997 and things were never quite the same. Things could only get shittier. Nostalgia is a funny old thing. There’s not one of us who doesn’t think that things are worse now than they were before, whether that’s diseases, politics, kids, or diseases picked up from political kids. It takes an analytical mind to truly pick apart what has changed and determine whether such changes have been good or bad and luckily for you I’ve an analytical mind positively oozing from my ears. Monster Munch In 1997 Monster Munch were approximately 35% larger and with that larger size came extra fluffiness in the texture. The smaller, slightly more rigid Monster Munch do not meet with my approval. It is unlikely that such a change would have been enacted without government coercion and there seems no logical reason for the reduction in size as the weight of crisps in the packet remained the same. Although strenuously denied by the Prime Minister at the time it is widely believed that the size change was one of Blair’s first experiments in seeing how the British people reacted to disappointment. Blair went on to meddle with Wagon Wheels too before turning his attention to more bloodthirsty pursuits. Extreme Makeover I’ve recently found my eyes watering during some of the final reveals. I used to be more cold blooded than a lizard in a fridge with ice cubes in his socks. When E.T. The Extra Terrestrial first came out on pirate video I remember laughing at the end while a room full of neighbours, their families, and their friends – all invited because we had one of those new-fangled VHS thingies – huddled around the TV set sobbing hysterically en masse. I didn’t because I was that cold. I felt nothing when my grandad died and turned up to the funeral in combat trousers, pierced nose, pierced eyebrow, and...
Leopard Ladies Of Mercury
I arrived at Carruthers’ domicile in the fashionably decrepit part of South London with a severe case of butterflies in the stomach. It was my own fault for taking a shortcut through the 1889 Lepidopterist Gala in The Regent’s Park; oh, but how those Red Admirals entice the tastebuds! I over-indulged and was chased away by some angry and moustachioed gentlemen armed with nets. Exercise notwithstanding it was not the ideal start to what would be a momentous day. After losing my pursuers through a slight deception – I convinced a constable at one end of a long alley that the pack of irate fellows some seconds behind were Hungarian assassins trying to silence me for discovering their plan to kidnap Her Majesty and blackmail our country into commencing war with Austria – I rested to recover from my exertions and rapped the door to Carruthers’ home. "Doctor! Come in!" exclaimed Carruthers and he ushered me inside hastily. I barely had time to draw breath before my friend was urging me down the unlit hallway towards the drawing room. "Steady now, Carruthers, there’s plenty of time!" I blurted. It was a little after nine in the morning and Carruthers had been most insistent that I was to arrive as early as possible and no later than ten. His palm in the small of my back – at least, I hoped it was his palm – nudging me forward, therefore, was most unseemly. We reached the drawing room and I found myself staring at the thing which nearly filled the entire area. "As you can see Doctor, the tube is complete!" said Carruthers proudly as he rounded the great cylindrical object. I was momentarily distracted by my reflection in the brass outer casing, distorted somewhat by the many protruding coils, pipes, and bolts and didn’t immediately answer. I imagined briefly that I was a half-man, half-machine construct; a brass being; perhaps the future of humanity. "Tsk, tsk, you’re drifting off into one of your flights of fantasy again, aren’t you Doctor?" said Carruthers as he appeared from the opposite side of his tube. "I’m afraid you’re right, Carruthers," I replied. "Unlike you, I keep my fantasies locked inside my head. Yours become terrifying reality." Carruthers beamed first at me and then the tube. "It is a work of beauty, is it not?" he sighed. And then, suddenly, he shouted "Well, come come, dear man! We’re all here! Let’s not delay! Inside! Inside!" Once again I was ushered by Carruthers, this time around the tube to the side facing away from the entrance to the drawing room. Here there was a...
Grindhouse Posters
This is a plug for a thread taking place on Something Awful which contains some rather spiffing grindhouse-style (i.e. sex and violence and outright lying) poster creations for films that have nothing to do with the genre. Yes, I’ve taken part. Yes, mine isn’t up to scratch. However, that won’t stop me promoting the thread anyway and dropping a subtle hint for you to do the same. Why? Because it beats writing an article! That’s why! Visit the thread by clicking this here link here (<- that there link there). And if you want a bigger version of that picture – because someone might, no, they really might, you don’t know for sure – then I’ve hidden it under this here link here (<- that there link...
Jobs Of The Post-Apocalypse
Owner Drivers URGENTLY NEEDED Reply to: sxzytsi34@eol.com Date: 2043-09-03, 11:14PM BST Tor Hangwald’s Roving Gang Of Terror are urgently seeking owner drivers in the Los Angeles area for immediate work. A flexible attitude to working hours, the company you keep, and attachment to limbs is necessary. In return we offer excellent rates of pay and free tattooing. Duties to include: driving without purpose, laughing in a menacing way, harrassing people. In addition to your own vehicle any chainsaws, metal bars, flaming brands, and eccentric hairstyles you can bring to the job will be to your advantage. Previous applicants need not re-apply. Location: Los Angeles, California. Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 33948823481163 Get Rich Or Die Trying Reply to: fiu4n292@eol.com Date: 2043-09-02, 7:38AM BST I am: a teenage girl caring for a younger brother on a quest to search for our missing father. He was seeking a way to bring back harmony to the planet when he disappeared while exploring in The Evil Zone. You are: a rough, no-nonsense, attractive-yet-single, unscarred, honest, hardman who will insist on full pay for the bare minimum of assistance at first but who will eventually warm to us and aid us in our quest without accepting any recompense out of a growing sense of humanity you thought you’d lost for good. You will be an accomplished fighter, heroic but not stupid, and will sympathetically reject my sexual advances because of our age gap and my innocence and you will certainly not take advantage of these chaotic times and my naivety. Location: The Evil Zone. Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster. Please, no mutants! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 33948793450067 Warehouse Franchise Opportunities Reply to: luvrofwarehouses@eol.com Date: 2043-09-01, 6:34PM BST FASTEST GROWING PROPERTY BUSINESS Everybody needs a warehouse. Sell in your own area in your own time. Warehouses come with empty boxes and lots of pipes. A one-off payment for all this: ladders, walkways, burning oil cans, pieces of brickwork. Franchisees get access to comprehensive graffiti-daubing training courses year-on-year to keep up with the latest trends. Build a vast, disused building empire in no time. Warehouses to suit every market. With or without pre-smashed windows! Location: Anywhere. Principals only. Recruiters, please don’t contact this job poster. Please, no phone calls about this job! Please do not contact job poster about other services, products or commercial interests. PostingID: 33948793399011 Senior Onlie in Kansas Reply to: miri_tos0812@eol.com Date: 2043-09-01, 4:09AM...
Recent Comments