Gia Milinovich
Gia Milinovich (born 11 July, 21 years ago, always 21 years ago) is a television presenter, new media producer, author, multiple world record holder, religious icon, and the only woman in Britain – as of this week – to have her memories stored for later reincarnation. Her mammaries too. She has been leader of the New Ra Movement since 2002 following a bust-up with the Pope and is acknowledged as one of the most powerful voices in European policy-making thanks to a career built on the back of high-profile blackmailing. Contents Family Background Early Life Religion Catholic Faith New Ra Movement Career Technology Family Background Gia was born in Hibbing, Minnesota 21 years ago. Always 21 years ago. As the daughter of former members of the Serbian secret police both she and her family had a great deal of sensitive information on local celebrity Bob Dylan who had toured her ancestral country on numerous occasions and failed to take adequate precautions against bugging devices. The Milinovich family, seeking to distance themselves from their part in unsuccessfully resurrecting the corpse of Hitler (still kept on the living room mantelpiece) and the subsequent tin mine flooding disaster, persuaded Dylan to introduce Gia to his media contacts and Gia’s affair with the world of broadcasting blossomed. Early Life Regular hospital visits during her teen years confirmed that Gia had inherited the Milinovich family traits of: an enlarged brain with fully-intact racial memories, two enlarged bosoms, a third knee, fliptop head. This combination allowed her to learn at a far faster rate than her fellow classmates, excel at kneeling, and get higher marks from the male teachers for some reason. Gia graduated from the University of Minnesota with degrees in all the sciences at age 13. Her high intelligence and keen insight caught the eye of her Biology professor, PZ Myers, who informed the U.S. Military as the terms of his continued freedom dictated. Gia was abducted and experimented upon for a number of years in an attempt to delve into the secrets within her mind. Gia finally escaped with the aid of an interne at the base lab (Sarah Jessica Parker) who helped Gia hide inside a delivery robot. Fearing for her life she made her way to England as navigator on a top secret new type of flying craft. The craft was subsequently hotwired from its landing place in Romford, taken for a joyride, and set alight. Religion Gia’s trauma at the hands of the military probably drove her to find religion when she reached London although she claims to have always been drawn to belief in a deity of some...
Science Questions (Summer Edition)
It’s time for another round of science questions and answers with neOnbubble‘s very own (receipts to prove it) resident doctor of knowledge, Doctor Ofknowledge, and – since it’s an achingly hot Summer and the doctor is sweating under his labcoat – we’re going to have a real special summer theme to the questions. Some of the answers too! If you want to submit your own questions to Doctor Ofknowledge then please use the form at the bottom. Enough introductory claptrap! Let’s learn! Martin of Birmingham asks … It’s freakishly hot and I’ve got a cold. What is snot made from? Your body consists of the four classical elements – earth, fire, water, and air – plus antibodies too small for the ancient Greeks to find. Their job (the antibodies; not the ancient Greeks) is to travel the vast tracts of your skin and deep furrows of your organs looking for germs. When germs and antibodies meet it’s murder! Just like Hart to Hart. At the end of the murdering the germ is chopped up and thrown off the body. However, your nose is full of hairs and when germs die in there they become trapped. Under a microscope snot is revealed to be the rotting corpses of trillions of cold germs. Saddam of Melbourne asks … What is the accepted scientific rule governing the wearing of Speedos in public? The rule is: it’s perfectly fine to wear Speedos so long as they are underneath three other layers of clothing and you are behind a wall. The wall must be painted with a lead-based paint and be constructed to withstand a tactical nuclear strike. A tactical nuclear strike must occur soon after you disappear behind the wall. Jessica of Utrecht asks … My leg is trapped in melting tarmac and I am awaiting rescue. Will melting roads cause more of a problem as the climate warms? I’m sorry to hear of your predicament Jessica. While the problem of melting roads will increase as each decade passes and the mean temperature of the Earth rises, the issue of people, vehicles, and pets becoming trapped will even itself out as the population moves away from travelling using streets and towards air transportation via personal jetpacks. Jetpack travel is not so popular right now as their high failure rate means certain death after a long fall but, with the prospect of nice, soft tarmac to land in, this mode of travel will become more attractive for future generations. Oscar of Sesame Street asks … Why do sewers smell more in the Summer? Alligator sweat. Sebastian of Ulan Bator asks … What did you...
Israeli Magic Trick
Magician! Magician! Magician! Bunch Of Flowers! Lebanon! Lebanon! Lebanon! Bunch Of Cunts! Book the stunning Moshe & Ehud for your next party! See them perform: the amazing Vanishing Sympathy Trick! the astounding Sawing A Region In Half Trick! the incredible Invisible Restraint Illusion! and much, much...
Bikes And Bikers
Bikers on bikes – motorised or pedal-powered – and drivers in cars have never got on with one another. Unless you count the short-lived coalition against personal blimp pilots. We showed them then. Die blimponauts, die! Good days. A long time ago. Now … nature’s natural order has reasserted itself. Bikers are a vociferous bunch. You often read them on the internet or in the letters page in the local newspaper complaining about cars on the roads. The reason for this frequent venting is obvious: their underwear rises up their cracks as they weave in and out of traffic violating as many road rules as possible. This causes pressure on the sphincter, a source of much fury. From experience. Trust me. My right to reply to bikers follow. Bikers don’t seem to realise that when cars sideswipe them it’s their own fault. A biker is fair game to retaliation under the following circumstances: Traffic Lighta The red light means "stop". It does not mean "edge forward slowly across the junction looking for a space and zip across if there’s no sign of the police". Nor does it mean "quick, mount the pavement and cycle across the pedestrian crossing". Speaking of pedestrian crossings … Pedestrian Crossings The word "pedestrian" has its root in the latin word ped meaning "foot". A crossing for pedestrians is a crossing for those on foot. Walkers, runners, hoppers; they all count. Cyclists don’t. Even if you use pedals. Why? Because there are pedals in cars too. Ever seen a car driving across a crossing? No! They walk! So should you. Junctions When a car approaches a junction the car driver will slow down and check to see if any traffic is coming before pulling out. This makes sense and is the leading reason why there are not piles of rusting, twisted metal on every corner of every road. Cyclists do not do this when they are turning with the flow of traffic. Cyclists cause cars to swerve out even if there was no danger of actually hitting the cyclist and that leads to the possibility of a collision with oncoming traffic and a hubcap catapulting through the air decapitating a single mother. Her pushchair will then roll down an incline onto train tracks. Carnage! So, stop and wait for a gap at junctions, won’t you? The Pavement The pavement is a raised area for pedestrians to walk on. We’ve met pedestrians before. Sometimes, there are marked areas on the pavement for cyclists to ride upon. At each end of these "cycle lanes" are lowered kerb areas where the cyclist should rejoin the road. The process...
Doctor Who, Torchwood News
It won’t be long until Torchwood, the spin-off series from Doctor Who, begins to air over here in the UK. You can find great amounts of speculation on the internet – who will star in the series?, what’s the basic premise?, do the producers get kickbacks from the Cardiff tourist board? – but it takes a special kind of person running a special kind of website to go one step further. Many people say I’m special so I recently caught up with series producer Russell T Davies to ask him a few questions … … but he wasn’t very forthcoming. However, one Rohypnol later and a thorough rummaging through his drawers has turned up a wealth of exclusive news and information and insider gossip about the new science fiction series which I’m happy to divulge here. Again, because I’m special. Please be warned: the following article contains episode guides to the Doctor Who spin-off series Torchwood and plot spoilers so if you’re a true Whomaniac you’ll probably want to pay very close attention and ruin the programme for your friend/both of your friends. Torchwood Background Information The premise for Torchwood is that a group of renegades in modern-day Come To Cardiff, We’ve Got A Millenium Stadium investigate alien and human crimes and make use of alien technology that has fallen to Earth thanks to clumsy extraterrestrials forgetting to lock their doors properly on launch. We first heard about Torchwood during the Doctor Who episode "The Christmas Invasion" when the prime minister ordered the London Orbital Laser (LOL) integrated into the M25 by Torchwood to shoot down aliens who were leaving Earth anyway. The story satirised many of the events of the Falklands War when Margaret Thatcher did the same thing to the Argentine ship Belgrano. She never recovered from learning we didn’t really have a laser back then. Warning! The previous paragraph contained an episode spoiler if you’re behind on your Tivo/Sky+ recordings. The new series promises to blend a darker-than-Doctor Who theme with a hint of sexiness, a psychological sauce dressing, and a sprig of free I Love Cardiff t-shirts to the first 1000 viewers who write into the BBC and demand more. Old Friends Fans of Doctor Who will be pleased to see the return of bisexual ex-con man Captain Jack from the Christopher Eccleston episodes but he’s not the only familiar face who’s going to make an appearance: Jackie Tyler, mother of current companion Rose, is the regular office cleaner employed by the Cardiff, What A Wonderful Place To Work employment agency after deciding to get away from the trauma of her daughter’s mobile phone bill....
Recent From Retro
-
The Women Of Kilobaud Computing Sep 26, 2016 -
-
-
-
-
Recent From Entertainment
-
Dance Music Triple Nov 19, 2016 -
-
-
-
-
Recent Comments