Brian Cox – Wonders Of The Universe Promo Pictures
As many science fans will know, the widely-acclaimed (I acclaimed it three times myself and I’m fairly wide) BBC series Wonders Of The Solar System presented by Professor Brian Cox (to be shown on Discovery in August) is to get a much-deserved sequel – Wonders Of The Universe – to be broadcast in the UK in early 2011. Brian has been galavanting around the world filming for the new series and he has just released a series of promotional pictures to promote it in a pictorial manner. I think you’ll agree it looks great. Professor Brian Cox mounted in the cockpit of a Hunter jet from episode #1: The Wonder Of Aliens. Professor Brian Cox plus feline friend from episode #2: The Wonder Of Leaning On Things. Professor Brian Cox and a chopper, also from episode #2: The Wonder Of Leaning On Things. Professor Brian Cox and his Glaive about to do battle with the Beast and his army of Slayers in the Black Fortress in order to free the lovely Gia, again from episode #2: The Wonder Of Leaning On Things. Professor Brian Cox, general promotional shot for the BBC series Wonders Of The...
How To Kiss
People often follow me out of public lavatories and ask "How do you kiss so well? What’s your secret to kissing? Do you perhaps have a guide for kissing boys or girls on your website, for example?" and other similarly-framed, leading questions designed to please search spiders. My answer is usually "Why, no I don’t have such a guide but, yes, I am greatly-skilled in the art of kissing so, maybe, one day I will present a list of helpful hints and tips for those people worried about their first kiss, officer." That day has come. Kissing The Perfect Partner Let’s suppose you’re interested in someone of the opposite or same sex and you’re thinking about kissing that person, hopefully within a scenario that hasn’t involved date rape drugs or a cosh-and-climbing rope combination abduction in the back of a van. You want that first kiss to be perfect. You want it to be a memorable kiss for both of you. You have unrealistic expectations. To prepare you for the disappointment of the kiss you must first realise that there is a correlation between your height and that of your partner when determining how good the kiss can possible be. Ideally, there should be a small difference in your heights, enough for one to lean slightly up and the other to lean slightly down. If you discover that you are the same height as your prospective partner you might want to consider wearing platform shoes or investing in a home rack system. The following graph of relative heights for kissing partners and the highest expectation of a good kiss you should realistically hope for might clarify the situation: Mouth Moisture You might be nervous if this is going to be your first kiss. You might just be a nervous person anyway. Or maybe you’re a naturally dessicated person. Whatever the reason, it’s imperative that kissing be done with moist lips. A cracking texture is perfect for toast; it is less pleasant during mouth-to-mouth non-resuscitation. Wet your lips with your tongue or by drinking something just prior to kissing to ensure as soft and smooth a kiss as possible. Caution! Do not grin while licking your lips. This has been demonstrated to spoil the mood somewhat unless your partner has a clown fetish. Further Caution! Do not over-wet your lips prior to kissing. This has been demonstrated to spoil the mood somewhat unless your partner has a granny fetish. Kissing Pressure The situation will determine the correct pressure to apply when kissing. A very light, barely perceptible kiss brushing gently on the lips, almost breathing contact onto their surfaces can...
Star Trek: The Next Generation: Recast
In the wake of J. J. Abrams’ new Star Trek, and inspired by this thread on FriendFeed, let’s take a look at a possible recasting of Star Trek: The Next Generation should the studios ever decide to remake it too (or they could come up with something original (but I haven’t so I can’t really talk)) and were it to happen today. The actors have been selected either because of their physical similarities to the original cast, or because of acting history that is shared with their characters. Importantly, all actors also have some connection to the Star Trek universe, the characters, or the original actors in some way. Vin Diesel as Captain Jean-Luc Picard The necessary characteristics of the captain of Starfleet’s NCC-1701D through G or possibly further are: articulate, intelligent, diplomatic. Failing all those, bald. Thus, it was either Vin Diesel or Jason Statham and of the two one is slightly less likely to issue the command "Conk those bleeders on the noggin and let’s scarper!" in the heat of battle. Star Trek Fact: Vin Diesel’s real name is an anagram of "Romulan Warbird." Tom Cruise as Commander William T. Riker Any fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation will tell you that when Will Riker is around women, everyone starts to feel a little uncomfortable. Maybe it’s his smarmy smile. Perhaps it’s the way everyone acquires Betazoid powers of knowledge into what’s going through his mind whenever the opposite sex are involved. Most likely it’s his penchant for standing with one leg resting on a console, log, a chair, or the back of an ensign in order to splay a little and show off "the package" in the presence of ladies. Whatever the answer, when it comes to actors who come wrapped in a cloak of caution then there’s nobody better than Tom Cruise. Extensive use of CGI, interesting camera angles, and convenient boxes may be required. Star Trek Fact: Tom claims to be an expert in dealing with Thetans; I think they were the orange aliens on rollerskates in the original series. Christian Bale as Lt. Commander Data Playing a Vulcan is easy; you simply have to suppress the emotions you have. Playing an android is more difficult. Gone are the days when you could get away with replacing "Yes" with "Affirmative" and adding "Bee Boop" at the end of every sentence. Today’s cinemagoers demand just a little more. Emotionless Data needs an emotionless actor; an actor actually willing to have actual brain surgery to actually remove actual tissue in the area responsible for actual human feelings. Christian Bale – in numerous roles – has...
More Vintage Slug Adverts
If I know you one tenth as well as I think I know you then I think I know you at least three times more than enough to know that if there’s one thing you can’t get enough of then that’s even more vintage slug-based advertising. Sure, you liked it when I showed you my collection of slug adverts from yesteryear before (Vintage Slug Advertising) but that just wasn’t quite enough for you. Oh no! You want more! More! More! What do you think I am? Made of slugs? Well… seeing as you’re you and I’m me… oh, go on!… I’ll treat...
Pretentious Book Reviews: Mr Greedy
The pleasant, friendly appearance of the title character belies the insatiable inner person that author Roger Hargreaves chooses as a metaphor for selfish destruction in the second book of his satirical world mythos inhabited by the eerily-named Mr Men. In 1887 John Emerich Edward Dalberg Acton, first Baron Acton (1834 – 1902) wrote in a letter to Bishop Mandell Creighton: Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Mr Greedy is the on-the-surface child-friendly representation of this but this is no child’s book; rather, it is a fable that crosses boundaries of age and background and it warns of the ultimately doomed dangers not just of power but any addiction. Hargreaves simplifies the 19th century message and substitutes power with the physical substance we all know: food. This is a master’s stroke of genius on the author’s part. The seeking of power is not, after all, universal; there are those who are content to simply be. But the need for food is a craving we cannot simply turn off or something to which people either take or leave. It is always there. For an addict – power, drugs, cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, religion, and so on – there is a similar need but the vast majority of people are not addicts. Baron Acton’s stark warning strikes a chord; Roger Hargreaves’ Mr Greedy character sets free a macabre symphony from the orchestra. Selfish destruction is self-serving says Hargreaves. Mr Greedy likes to eat. Eating makes him fat. Becoming fat makes him hungrier. Ad infinitum. He lives in a house, says the author, "that looked rather like himself." It is the nature of the addict to barricade his or herself with reinforcing surroundings. The roly-poly house of Mr Greedy is instantly recognisable as the Yes Men that protect the tyrannical business executive from reality. There is a similar fantasy that encases everyone who falls for destructive addiction. The physical appearance of Mr Greedy lets us know that what we are reading about is wrong, as if we needed telling. Yes, this is a personable character, a smiling character, perhaps someone we might enjoy being around. But Hargreaves doesn’t want us sympathising too much; at the heart of the story is a great exclamation mark: stop! Enough! Mr Greedy is fat and we all simply know without needing to be told that fat is bad. Each page turn heightens the anticipation of Mr Greedy’s undoing. Hargreaves’ writing style is superb in keeping us alert for the come-uppance and yet simultaneously lulling us, rocking us gently along. As humans we recognise this; it’s when we know we’re doing something wrong and we think...
Niche Magazine Failures
Transvestite Highwaymen was a small independent release operating out of post-World War I Germany and targeted at the American market, possibly as an act of revenge. Just three issues were published in 1922 before it was bought out and closed down by the distributors of its nearest rival – still going today – Luddite Ladyboys. The early 1930s saw a massive surge in sitting, thanks in no small part to the effects of The Great Depression. Hoping to cash in on this popular pastime but failing to take into account the lack of disposable income at the time Tales Of Sitting survived for just five months before taking the weight off its feet for good. The proprieters of Clumsy Broads maintained that they were simply celebrating the girls of the world who for one reason or another couldn’t avoid walls, doors, or rakes but this didn’t stop a group of Women’s Lib supporters from firebombing the production plant of the magazine after only one issue, putting it out of business permanently. Produced in good faith and hoping to tap into the lust for the macabre, Botch – "Horror Stories of Plastic Surgery" – ran out of material after only one issue (and subsequently quietly folded) because of the sterling work that all cosmetic surgeons do worldwide. Rumours that the plastic surgery industry conducted unnecessary facelifts putting the eyes on the sides of the faces on those behind the publication of the magazine are totally unfounded because the cosmetics industry is a good industry full of fine, upstanding...
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