Entrecard Advert Design
I’ve been a member of Entrecard for some time; it’s a fairly decent way (if you have the time) to find interesting sites more-or-less at random and at the same time drive a little traffic your way in the hope that you’ll interest other, new visitors in return. So long as you keep your content short and aimed at the lowest common denominator, that is. Oh, those rapid-fire Entrecard droppers don’t like your long posts, no sirree. Part of the "joy" (and by "joy" I mean "occasionally butt-clenching, stomach-churning, jaw-locking, eye-popping momentary flash of terror") of Entrecard is the variety of user-created adverts for their own websites. Some of them are very bad indeed. And most of the rest are worse than that. Parental Instincts With my personal opinion of kids in general I’m not entirely certain that this really is a bad card design. The site and caption are Parental Instincts and, if I’m seeing the selected picture correctly, the apparent instinct being demonstrated and promoted on this site is "to punch your child in the face until it loses most of the skin around the mouth." I’m not a parent but I do know the sentiment. My Beautiful Creations Every parent thinks their ugly, noisy, stinking creation is the most beautiful and precious thing in the world despite all evidence to the contrary and something similar apparently applies to the piece of art and craftwork chosen to advertise this particular site. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but a two-headed, anaemic monstrosity with a superfluous third arm would surely have even the most beauty-appreciating beholder crossing his or her fingers even as he or she purported to find it positively lovely. Are You Hungry? Not after seeing that picture, no. I don’t know much about food and drink but I’ll tell you what doesn’t get my tastebuds tingling and my stomach growling with gastronomic anticipation: black coffee and a handful of tomatoes. Welcome To My … An advert should reflect something about the site; it might reference the site’s name; it might illuminate some aspect of the site’s content; a person should look at an advert and have some clue as to what to expect should clicking occur in the near future. Maybe it’s just me though, but I don’t like looking at an advert and thinking: "What in the name of all that’s holy does that say?" Welcome to my … Gatres? That’s not a word. Custard? Not enough letters. Ooh! Garter! No, no that’s not it. Galnet? A net for gals! I bloody hope so … oh … nope. Computer Aid If I...
Arguing With Catholics
tl;dr Version Twitter. Argument. Catholics. Unmarried. Sex. Pregnant. Abortion. Hypocrite. Morons. Arguments! Just … just … just don’t, okay! Full Version We’ve all done it at some time; we’ve all tried to have a rational argument with someone who doesn’t understand what the word "rational" means. You can’t win this argument, no matter how impossibly right you are and how unbelievably wrong they are because their answer is to repeat already-disproved points or counter with irrelevant points. At some level you wonder whether they’re smarter than you’re giving them credit for and are employing a cunning tactic to make you back down. But they’re not; they really are that stupid. Yesterday, on Twitter I made a comment to a fellow Person Who Uses Twitter, regarding the girl from Portsmouth planning to carry to term her two-headed baby because she’s a devout Catholic and won’t abort this "gift" even though it has no chance of living any semblance of a normal life whatsoever. I found – and find – the reason for not aborting – that being "a devout Catholic" – rather at odds with her happiness at trying to have a baby outside wedlock for seven years, something I would have thought would also be, perhaps, not really in line with Catholicism and devoutness. I’m sure devoutness is a real word. My comment was: ‘Devout Catholic’ Lisa won’t abort doomed ‘gift from God’. Unmarried devout Catholic. Who’s had sex outside wedlock. Hypocrite. This then started an argument with several Catholics which, bizarrely, was an argument actually about English words and their definitions as opposed to any simple mocking of their ridiculous beliefs. There are four main ways someone could have seen that comment: 1. A follower of my Twitter stream and the person to whom it was addressed could see it, 2. Someone who happened to be viewing the public timeline at the time of posting could have seen it, 3. Someone could have randomly clicked on followers and happened upon the status by luck, 4. Someone could have searched Twitter, probably for the word ‘Catholic’. The lattermost is the most likely reason for what happened about four hours later. patrickmadrid No, ‘Catholic Lisa’ is not a hypocrite. She’s acting ethically by doing the right thing and not aborting her unborn baby. Ah! A person butting in on a conversation and using the old "you’re wrong and here’s why, using a non sequitur" opening gambit. A challenge! So, according to Patrick, Lisa was not a hyprocrite because she was acting "ethically". This argument is logically equivalent to saying "No, Sidney Poitier is not black. He’s wearing a tie." I...
The Twitter Experience
What in the wide, wide world of sports is Twitter? Twitter is a social tool that lets you tell your friends or the entire world what you’re up to at any given moment. Similarly, and obviously if you think about it, Twitter is a social tool that lets you know what your friends or the entire world are up to at any given moment (like June of last year if that’s when they last bothered to log in). In the century of suppression to come it will be your civic duty to let your government know what you are doing at all times and Twitter is the first, friendly-faced, voluntary shuffle towards that glorious goal. So you may as well embrace Twitter now while you still have the freedom to filter your notifications and while your preferred username is still available. People who use Twitter are called Tweeple or Tweeps or People Who Use Twitter and the updates they send are called Tweets. So what sort of Tweeple (sigh) are there? People Like You That is to say "people similar to you" rather than "you’re popular, you!" because you sure as hell wouldn’t be here if the latter were true. People like you – or normal(ish) people – use Twitter to talk to people, chat about current events, ask questions, answer questions, or engage in some harmless, racist fun on Insult Random Users Tuesday. People With Over-Inflated Egos You’ll find people in the media industry are well-represented here but it applies across the spectrum of Twitterer backgrounds. People with over-inflated egos can usually be identified (though not always) by having a large number of followers whilst they themselves follow few, with those they do follow tending to only also be from the same class of egocentricity. In a sense they are saying "Look, I am here and online and have deigned that you – yes, you lower people – may listen in on my conversations better suited for email with other superior people so that you may grasp some sense of what a fantastic feeling it would be to be me but don’t think to engage me in chit-chat for I haven’t the time as I’m such an important person and by-the-by there’s something I’d like you all to do for me now, hop to it adoring sub-people." Or something like that; I haven’t really given it much thought. And I’m not any more bitter about this than I am about everything else in life so you shut up. People Who Aren’t People At All Yes, faceless corporations have faces on Twitter so that you can know when they’re...
Your First Princess Cruise
As you may very well possibly be aware (I may have mentioned it once or twice), we recently went on a cruise to The Far East on the Princess Cruises line. It was to be our first ever cruise and, not wishing to spend the entire honeymoon in a constant state of surprise, we cleverly (we thought) approached my new parents-in-law and enquired as to what to expect on our luxury sailing vacation since they were – and still are – old hands at this cruising malarkey. The information they showered upon us was – it turned out – borderline useless, verging on the criminally negligent. But don’t worry: our near-constant state of surprise and frequent nautical faux pas didn’t entirely detract from a fantastic trip after all and I’ve returned with only minor thoughts of cold, cold revenge on my cruise intelligence-deficient in-laws. My major thoughts – you’ll no doubt be thrilled to hear – are to expel from my brain tissue such cruising knowledge as I have recently absorbed, both to make room for this year’s hot new minimalist cranium look and to prevent any future cruise virgins with the good taste to find this site from making any of the mistakes we made. So, if you’re about to be a first-time cruiser or you’re cruising for the second time but some time between your first trip and this upcoming one you were hit on the head by a tortoise and have suffered debilitating memory loss ever since, then this guide to what to expect when you go cruising may be just what you need. Or you might be able to cancel or exchange for a skiing holiday in the Alps. Perhaps you’re pretentious. The information in this guide to your first Princess cruise is based on my time aboard the Diamond Princess, Voyage M834 to the Far East, November 2008. If you are incapable of moving back in time to travel with me then your experience may differ. Money A cruise costs quite a lot of money. When you look in the brochure you’ll probably think: Golly gosh! That’s quite a lot of money! A pricey sum and no mistake! And yet if you break down the cost of the cruise on a per day basis it actually works out to still cost quite a lot of money. But that doesn’t include any of the drinks you’ll be buying or the sneakily hidden automatic tipping (we’ll talk more on this in a minute) or any of the tours you’ll want to do. Including these additional expenses, a cruise actually turns out to cost quite a lot...
Make Your Own Beermat
Have you ever wanted your very own beermat just like the ones you see in pubs? Just follow the easy steps below and you’ll have your own beermat in no time! What You’ll Need Cardboard A sharp knife Glue Making The Beermat 1. Using a sharp knife, carefully cut out the beermat image above from the screen. 2. Use the beermat image as a template and cut around it carefully on the cardboard. 3. Glue the image to the cardboard you have cut out then wait for the glue to set. And that’s all there is to it! If you want to make any more beermats simply refresh this...
Julie Moult, Idiot
And now a break in our regular lunacy as we make way for The Learning Moment here on neOnbubble. Readers with photosensitive epilepsy who survived our recent article on "The History of Blinking Text" and those offended by idiots, journalists, idiot journalists, and women named Julie should look away now. If there’s one thing I like more in the world than people who don’t understand when I’m being sarcastic then that’s the rather special group who go by the name of "idiots". One such idiot is the journalist Julie Moult who has written for such bastions of worthy news reporting as The Sun and The Daily Mail. Julie Moult has ired Bloggerheads’ Tim Ireland through her history of ridiculous news articles but until recently he remained as calm as only an antipodean can be when faced with general idiocy. And then she wrote this article which demonstrated exactly how little she knew about the many, many internets out there. Added to her diatribe against Nazi Raccoons this was just too much idiot-related nonsense to bear. Tim has written quite extensively about how he feels regarding Julie Moult being an idiot and devised an image challenge, the goal of which is to create a picture expressing Julie’s moronic status. By naming the file appropriately the intent is to explain – teach, even – a little something about the world to a person who, as a journalist producing stories and articles for newspapers [sic] like The Sun and The Daily Mail, should appreciate the effort. I don’t like idiots like Julie Moult and I do like raccoons; I simply cannot stand by and do nothing. Original picture by Jon Rawlinson I’m looking forward – and I bet she is too – to seeing just whose images appear where in the image search results for "Julie Moult" over the next few weeks. It’s always nice and rewarding to elevate an idiot to quasi-moron or above – even if only briefly – and you must feel absolutely free to produce pictures of Julie Moult on your own blog too. And, if you don’t think that she is a twit and that pieces of journalism such as her anti-Muslim story without a shred of evidence is harmless fun, unlikely to cause unrest (and follow-on stories!) and to be expected from reporters these days then why not express what a really nice person Julie Moult is instead, you...
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