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Starbucks Coffee
May15

Starbucks Coffee

Times are hard if you're a large chain of coffee shops still facing a bit of public backlash over tax avoidance. Do you just wait it all out, relying on the media to find something new to get their teeth into and the laziness and short memory of the average consumer? Or do you try something to entice the customers back from Costa? Do you, perhaps, provide free front row seats to the latest sport sweeping the nation: Giant Street Skittles? Do you hope that the lure of big names from boules crossing over into the high stakes street sport world will bring in the coffee-lovers in sufficient numbers to offset compensating families for the inevitable skittles-related fatalities? No, you wait it out, of course. For #WindowWednesday curated by +Cheryl Cooper +Jason Kowing +J.J. Bentley +Jules Falk Hunter  Google+: View post on...

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A Better World Is Possible
May12

A Better World Is Possible

I'm always looking for ways to improve the world – sure, not everyone approves of my eugenics experiments and the way I recently tampered with the planet's grasses in an attempt to bioengineer flame-resistant cattle (I still firmly believe that ordering steak "well done" is one of the leading causes of unrest on Earth) – so I was immensely pleased to stumble upon a demonstration taking place in Manchester last weekend where it seemed they shared my ambitions. I tried to determine just how it was that they were planning to improve things but couldn't spot a mad-scientist-looking individual amongst the throng. Eventually, though, I did see a gentleman holding up what appeared to be step one in the group's masterplan. I stopped him. "Throw the tories out?" I asked him. "Interesting. Interesting. And then what? Robotic dictatorship? Benevolent… or otherwise?" "Huh?" I pointed at the paper he was holding. "Throw the tories out," I said, reading it out loud for him but adding a definite article as I felt it was missing one. "No population pacification through cloud-seeding flights? No regional competitions to win liberty points? Womb-based citizen training?" "Yeah, throw the tories out," he agreed with a puzzled look. "Is that it?" I asked. "It's a start," he replied, flashing me a nasty smile. I pondered his response for a second. "But then they'll be unemployed," I said. "That hardly seems like a better world at all. Who will fill the important niche role of a self-serving group of the barely tolerable heaping misery on the masses with scant regard for anyone else?" "That's where the trade unions come in," he said. I let him carry on with his march then and shook my head sadly. Their plan needed a new banner; one that read A World Very Much Like This One Is Likely might do the job. And lasers. A really good plan needs lasers. Google+: View post on...

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Queue
May01

Queue

"Is this the queue for Iron Man 3?" "I… Sorry? What?" "Iron Man 3. Robert Downey Jr reprising his role as Tony Stark in a mechanical suit. Sequel to Iron Man and its follow-up, Iron Man 2. Iron Man 3." "You're joking, right?" "About what?" "About this being the queue for Iron Man 3." "No. Why?" "A queue by the side of the road?" "Yes." "A couple of benches and us lot sitting here in the sun?" "It's not that unusual." "I think you'll find it is." "I was only asking." "What's going on George?" "This lady here wanted to know if this was the queue for Iron Man 3." "For what?" "Iron Man 3. With Roger…" "Robert!" "…Robert, yes, Robert Downey Jr." "Never heard of it." "Apparently it's a sequel." "Ooh! Did you tell her no?" "Yes, Edna, I did tell her no. I told you no, didn't I?" "Yes you did. Well, thank you for your time anyway." "That's okay. Iron Man 3. How odd." "Is she leaving?" "Yes Edna." "Didn't she want to see Star Trek Into Darkness then?" "I forgot to ask." Google+: View post on...

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The Barber Shop Window
Apr25

The Barber Shop Window

"And what can I do for you today, sir?" "Just a little off the back and sides, and thin it out a bit, please." "Certainly." snip… snip… "Lovely weather we're having." "Mmmm, yes." snip… snip… "Going on holiday this year?" "No, probably not." "Understandable. The economy's still in a bit of a mess, isn't it?" "You said it." snip… snip… "Okay then, that looks about right to me… any gel or wax on it?" "Er, yes. Gel please." "Gel it is." "Ooh! That's cold!" "Well, the testicles are very sensitive, sir." "You're telling me. Well, thank you anyway. Lovely view out of this window." "Many people say so. Would you mind giving me a hand up from the floor? I'm not as young as I used to be." Google+: View post on...

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Ask Me A Question
Apr16

Ask Me A Question

As the sign says: ask me a question. I might even answer. And the answer might contain some elements of truth. But I wouldn't necessarily count on it. Google+: View post on...

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Free House
Apr13

Free House

Free house? Tom stopped dead in his tracks. It was an enticing offer. Obviously, he already had a house – the one he shared with Linda, his wife of forty years – but who couldn't use a second one? Maybe he could get around to getting one of those mistresses he'd read about and setting her up in it. Or, naturally, he could always sell the building and use the proceeds on a sports car; that was something he didn't already have. No, no, he thought to himself. I've come out for some stationery and that's all I'm going back with. And Tom resumed his slow shuffle towards the bus stop to wait for the number 84. Behind the windows of the building two figures glanced at one another with looks of mild frustration on their faces. The taller of the two ran his fingers through the ice cubes floating on the surface of the water in the bathtub; his partner placed the surgical blade he'd been holding in anticipation back onto the tablecloth by his side. "That's four now," he said forcefully. "Patience, Charles," the tall man replied quietly, shaking the cold water from this fingertips. "Someone will come in. Someone always comes in." Google+: View post on...

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