In The Pub With Jim Al-Khalili
On Thursday the 8th of September I had the pleasure of being in the pub to watch a talk given by science guru Professor Jim Al-Khalili. This was supposed to be a talk on his areas of expertise and my areas of interest – black holes, wormholes, and time travel – but the evening turned out to be odder than any of those who attended could have expected. Well over one hundred people were crammed into the room at the Globe Inn, many of whom were drinking, and all of whom were perspiring. The heat and the humidity was fierce and hindsight says this may have contributed to the events that would unfurl. On the other hand, maybe Jim’s always a bit strange. Strange like a quark! That’s a physics joke there for you. Jim sat at the front of the room wearing what he told us was his lucky brown jacket. There was an attempt to ask him what was so lucky about it by Ian, one of the organisers of the Portsmouth Skeptics in the Pub cult, but this was met with disapproval by the professor and Ian’s eyes were glued shut as punishment. This set an uneasy tone for the evening as you can imagine. The talk began shortly thereafter and our expectation of some interesting physics was dashed immediately as Jim launched into the act that first shot him to fame in Yorkshire, the famous Ghost Vet sketch. For those of you who never got to watch the Ghost Vet sketch before it was banned by the U.N. and removed from YouTube the gist of the story is that Jim, a vet to the spirit world, is asked to inseminate a dead cow. With hilarious consequences! And horrible, horrible, gratuitous racism. The sketch received a polite and fearful ripple of applause from that half of the crowd who weren’t nauseous by the end of it. Jim then promised to get on with the actual talk so long as the contractual sacrifice met with his approval. A drunkard was dragged in from the alley behind the pub and ritually shaved to resemble the professor as closely as possible. The execution was swift and the bemused, swaying drunkard probably didn’t feel the sharpened spatula strike that took his life but the quantity of blood that gushed out over the pub floor was a little too much for a couple of elderly gentlemen who burst into tears and fled from the room. This, fortunately, freed up some space for a small group of Jim’s devoted female acolytes to enter and seat themselves in the hot, red liquid. We...
Another Total TV Guide Letter
You may (or may not) remember that I’ve explored the letters page of Total TV Guide magazine (my preferred weekly guide to the days where I can complain that there’s nothing on television) before on this hallowed ground (disclaimer: neonbubble.com has never been consecrated) here: Total TV Guide Letters. Since that time the letters to the editor have been rather disappointingly normal and my reputation for shouting in checkout queues has diminished to the point of legend. Nevertheless, there was one letter this week that I felt I ought to address. Dear Martin Blackburn of West Yorkshire, Everyone likes Professor Brian Cox. Everyone. Even, I suspect, your wife, which is probably the catalyst for your decision to write in to a television listings magazine. Is he on her Five Famous People list? Don’t pretend you don’t know what the list is; you know. It’s okay Martin, you can tell us. Brian’s on everyone‘s Five Famous People lists. Your wife, his wife, my wife, me, you, everyone. You’re thinking: how can he be on everyone’s Five Famous People lists at the same time? It’s called “spooky action at a distance” and if it’s too difficult to understand then try writing into the BBC and we’ll see if they can’t conjure up a one-off programme on BBC2 to explain it for you hosted by, oooh, I don’t know, maybe, oooh, a charming northern professor of physics perhaps. Now, you don’t seem to like that he’s on TV on a lot of seemingly disparate programmes with no connection. But Martin… you like all these programmes too. There is a connection. Don’t you see that you and Brian share a bond of interests? You’re seeing him as a rival but you should be seeing him as a kindred spirit. You like music, he likes music. You like baked trout, he likes baked trout. That’s two of you that like baked trout. And if you let your wife have her way then your connection is strengthened that much more again. You say you don’t like his floppy hair and soppy voice. Well Martin, you’re from West Yorkshire and I know you’ve added that line in to sound manly like a man’s man from Yorkshire should sound. But you’re also writing letters to Total TV Guide. Your reputation is shredded. Give it up Martin. Release. Don’t hate Professor Brian Cox Martin, and don’t hate your wife for picking someone she gets to watch on TV a lot. You had your chance too. It’s nobody’s fault that Thora Hird died. Get over it. P.S. His teeth aren’t polished; years of working near a particle accelerator have...
Portsmouth Skeptics In The Pub
At the risk of treading on the toes of Strong Island which does a sterling job of talking about and promoting local endeavours in and around Portsmouth, and at the risk of talking about and promoting local endeavours in and around Portsmouth (something really quite alien to these particular interweb shores), and at the risk of linking the upcoming royal wedding with critical thinking and pubs I thought I’d just promote a local endeavour in and around Portsmouth whilst also linking the upcoming royal wedding with critical thinking and pubs in a manner that just may hook any oddball on the net who decides to combine those subjects in a search term. Have you heard about Skeptics In The Pub? No? Oh, but you should! Even though they spell skeptics with a ‘k’. But you never talk about that. First rule of Skeptics Club and all that rot. So, Skeptics In The Pub is the name given to a regular social event at various venues in various countries on various planets in various solar systems careering through various galaxies speeding away from other various galaxies and occasionally merging with other various galaxies whilst spreading out in various universes in various multiverses in various supermultiverses in the one all-encompassing great big suede wallet of supermultiverses carried around by God in his back pocket. The purpose of the pub meetings is to discuss or listen to topics on sceptical subjects such as: religion, lol homeopathy, pmsl can Intelligent Design explain Ray Comfort? how did we not know George Michael was gay? is crystal energy the only genuine alternative to bowel surgery? is there a conspiracy to spread negative press about use of probes in alien abductions? The pub meetings take place in a pub. We’ve thought about having them take place in a cemetery in order to throw off the government agencies who monitor our activities for subversive plots against William and Kate (more on them soon) but we’re all scared of ghosts. So they take place in a pub. This means we’re able to drink which has two benefits: alcohol allows us to think more clearly (or, at least, think we’re thinking more clearly, which is half – if not three-fifths – of the battle), and alcohol also clouds brain emanations which means meetings can take place without the need for silly tinfoil hats. Let’s see the UK secret service – screw you MFI! – steal our thoughts now! I know what you’re thinking (behold my Uri Geller levels of unearthly powers!); you’re thinking: gee mister, that sounds swell as a ripe peach! Can I come along? I’m sorry but...
What Are Black Holes?
Reproduced with permission from the neOnbubble Know You Some Science series of student learning guides. To explain what a black hole is – other than something into which you bury burglars – you will need to know about light and, specifically, the speed of light and how it is affected by gravity. What is the speed of light? Anything that moves can be said to have a speed. For example: something which moves a distance of three miles in an hour can be said to have a speed of three miles per hour. Some things move at different speeds at different times; cars driven by burglars, for instance, may be crashed into a phonebox with the driver slumped over the wheel – the victim of a well-thrown spork – and therefore not moving at all, or they may be rolling uncontrollably down a steep incline with a mutilated burglar in the boot towards a cliff edge and about to reach terminal velocity. Other things move at a constant speed (allowing for the external environment); when you shout at burglars the noise travels at the same speed as when you are whispering into the ears of trussed up, dazed, and crying would-be burglars. Sound travels at a constant speed in the same atmospheric conditions. Light behaves similarly and the rate at which light moves in a vaccum is what we call the speed of light. Why is the speed measured in a vacuum? Nature abhors a vacuum and you can see this for yourself by switching one on near a cat; it will run like crazy. Likewise, light molecules move at their greatest velocities when a vacuum is present and are limited to a slightly slower pace when there is a lot of dust and other stuff around that they might bump into. Why does light travel so fast? Heavy things are difficult to move. Large, concussed burglars require at least two people to shift them into the sex dungeon. Light molecules – as the name implies – are light, meaning they are both not dark and not heavy. In fact light are the least heavy of the DTT (Difficult To Touch) family of molecules and, subsequently, they are most capable of travelling at high speed. This also explains why it is impossible for a person to travel at the speed of light. As an experiment try shining a torchbeam on one hand. In the other hand lift the leg of a comatose burglar. You will find that legs are far heavier than light and thusly unable to reach the same speed. Removing your legs will help but not completely...
Super Science Sunday
It’s Sunday the 6th of March 2011 and if you’re living in the United Kingdom or you have access to our televisual experience on the BBC then you’re in for a treat tonight if you like science. You do like science, don’t you? Of course you do! First up for your scientific joy is the brand new series hosted by Professor Brian Cox, Wonders Of The Universe. This programme goes out on BBC2 and BBC HD at 21:00 (more info). Brian will be talking about time, but not mentioning that at the same time his wife Gia will be on BBC4 in a repeat of her excellent series Electric Dreams… which also features science! That’s like a science overload! But wait! There’s more! Later on in the evening we get to see everyone’s favourite particle physicist Brian appearing on TV again alongside Sir Patrick Moore in the 700th episode of The Sky At Night. That programme will be airing at 23:25 on BBC1 and BBC1 HD. So that’s physics, technology, and lashings and lashings of ginger astronomy for your delectation tonight. And that’s why it’s a Super Science...
Do Vaccines Cause Autism?
Reproduced with permission from the neOnbubble Know You Some Science series of student learning guides. What Is A Vaccine? The name "vaccine" comes from the latin word vacca meaning "cow". A vaccine is a microscopic, biological crib note written on leather that includes diagrams of a disease along with suggestions for defeating it in glorious intracorpus battle. The vaccine is introduced to the body in any of a number of ways (orally, by injection, osmosis, gentle persuasion, etc.) and the body files the information on the crib note away for later use. Are Vaccines Good? Good is a subjective term. Vaccines help your body cheat death or crippling illnesses. If you would rather be alive than dead then you should conclude that they are good. If you would rather that more people – possibly yourself included – spent their lives in pain, defecating themselves, drooling, and being pushed around in wheelchairs then you should conclude that they are bad. Antivaxxers think that vaccines are bad. What Is An Antivaxxer? There are two types of people who can properly be labelled "antivaxxers". The first type is those who harbour a grudge against the manufacturers of a particular type of carpet cleaner, quite likely as the result of misuse and subsequent trips to hospital emergency rooms. These people, despite their fondness for air pressure-related sexual shenanigans, are at least somewhat scientifically-minded, embracing the use of technology and experimentation in order to facilitate personal pleasure. The second type of people are not scientifically-minded. These people associate vaccinations with infant death or disability through the tried-and-tested (-and-rejected by fans of the brain) method of putting two and two together and getting three. Do Vaccinations Cause Autism? A vaccination caused me to take a day off school once but I can assure you after an extensive search of Wikipedia that a throbbing arm and nausea are not symptoms of autism. Why Do Some People Associate Vaccinations With Autism? The brain is very good at pattern-matching, predicting future events based on experience – touch fire, fire make hand go ouch, not touch fire again because fire is ouchy – and this process of observation and deduction is the cornerstone of good science. But it’s not all of good science. Good science involves repeated tests and predictions to corroborate findings or rule theories out in order that the scientific finding is not one borne of bad luck, good luck, or improper test conditions. Antivaxxers engage in bad, amateur, scientificish science ("New Improved Sciencique™") which makes sweeping declarations of assurety based on – occasionally – one observation, but more often far fewer than that. These same people,...
Recent From Retro
-
The Women Of Kilobaud Computing Sep 26, 2016 -
-
-
-
-
Recent From Entertainment
-
Dance Music Triple Nov 19, 2016 -
-
-
-
-
Recent Comments