Ke$ha’s Haunted Vagina
Who is Ke$ha? It’s a question I recently had to ask myself. I’d heard the name. I’d even been aware that there was a dollar sign in the name somehow. I suspected she might be a star of music since that’s an area I’ve stopped being interested in once I passed the threshold into grumpy middle-agedness. Wikipedia confirms that this is indeed the case. That she’s a music star. Not that I’ve passed the threshold into grumpy middle-agedness. I don’t need Wikipedia for that. So, the reason I was wondering who she happened to be was because of some fleeting piece of news I overheard: Kesha thinks her vagina is haunted. At first I dismissed it as a joke, possibly originating from Frankie Boyle. However… No, she really does think her vagina is haunted. Because her hypnotherapist told her so. And her ghost meter confirmed the statement by beeping in the vicinity of her nether regions. Ghost meter? Like this one? So does this really mean that Kesha (or Ke$ha) has a vagina haunted by a supernatural lover? I’ll be honest here: I’m a smidge sceptical. The top-rated review of the ghost meter states: That’s “works perfect for locating electrical wiring in walls and high readings from outlets. a great tool to have. thank you”. And, of course, the ghost meter is actually marketed as the Ghost Meter EMF Sensor. Electromagnetic fields. The sort of things present everywhere on the planet. Unlike ghosts which, you know, don’t exist. The manufacturer goes on to say: The Ghost Meter has been calibrated to ignore the extremely subtle EMF emissions surrounding the human body, yet is still sensitive enough to detect the small, distinct, erratic EMF energy fluctuations frequently found at reputed haunted locations. The Ghost Meter provides three corroborating indicators of EMF emission strength. So what does this really mean as far as the ghostly goings-on around Kesha’s vagina are concerned? Is it possible that she’s being haunted? Unlikely. More probable explanations include a faulty connection in the electrical outlet behind her clitoris or emanations from the vaginal probe inserted by the aliens running Area 51. Sorry. Some more bad news for Kesha, too: Please note: this product is intended to measure electric fields, and does not detect nuclear radiation. Looks like she’s going to want to spend some of those dollar symbols in her name on a Geiger counter too, just to be on the safe side. In case there’s a Godzilla about to emerge from between her legs. Or her pubes get super...
Animal Behaviour And Animal Communication
Are pet psychics genuine? Let’s ask this squirrel using the power of telepathy! There’s a difference between animal behaviour and animal communication and you’ll see for yourself what it is if you read this article in the Baltimore Sun: “What your cat is really trying to tell you“. But you don’t even need to read that article to know what the difference is. If you’ve ever had a pet then you learn to know what your pet wants based on how it acts; that’s animal behaviour and it’s something that comes from observation and experience. At no point – unless you’re batshit crazy – do you start hearing voices or imagine that your pet is transmitting images into your brain; that’s animal communication and it doesn’t happen. Ever. If someone approaches you and tells you that there’s a woodlouse with a message from beyond the grave for you you’re going to think they’re nuts. And you’re right to do so. A snail wants to let you know it was okay that you trod on it while putting the bins out late at night? I don’t think so. But a gerbil you loved as a child wants to appease your guilt over leaving the cage open near that window ledge? If you’re interested then that’s wishful thinking on your behalf and either con-artistry or delusional behaviour from whomever is acting as the medium. It doesn’t become more plausible because the animal’s cute or belongs to the Mammalia class. But, back to the article, which is mostly about Terri Diener: In his writings on the subject, [Skeptical Inquirer research fellow Joe] Nickell says pet psychics employ the same “cold reading” techniques that fortunetellers use to gather information from a source “while giving the impression it is obtained mystically.” These include stating obvious facts, asking questions and making safe or vague statements. Indeed. And unlike a psychic who works with humans there’s no chance at all that the subject can look puzzled and say: “Er, no actually, that’s not what I was thinking at all.” Very handy if you’re making it up as you go along. Of course, these animal communicators or pet psychics want to be taken seriously. Hampstead animal communicator Diane Carlson says she sometimes tries to prove her legitimacy to new clients by asking animals to show or tell her something only their owners would know. “Ninety-eight percent of the time, it proved to be right,” Carlson says. I’m convinced. Are you? But wait! It’s not just people quoting statistics with no actual figures to back up any of it. An actual veterinarian has something to say! Dr. Christina...
Ghosts In Water Vapour
From This Is Cornwall comes this amazing story definitely worthy of reporting as news and absolutely not a pile of steaming horseshit. Hugh Fairman, psychic expert, sent over these photographs of faces that appeared in water vapour during a psychic reading, which he then captured on camera. What pictures are those, you ask? I’m glad you did. Friends, we are gathered here today to mourn the loss of our dearly departed common sense. On the top row you can see Rasputin and Vera Lynn. On the bottom row it’s Eleanor of Aquitaine and Brian Blessed. Admittedly, he’s not dead yet but he’s got such a strong personality it’s already projecting into the spirit world whilst still with us. Wait a second! I meant – of course – that the top row features Merlin and a Tellarite from the original series of Star Trek while the bottom row contains images from the afterlife of Louise Carter (lived in the 18th century, worked in a post office in a village that’s no longer there, ate some dodgy rabbit, died from complications caused by a bad batch of recuperative leeches; you probably don’t know her) and Bewitched actor David White. Appearing in such a Satanic show probably explains why he’s a ghost now. Hugh does tell the website: “We think is [sic] may be possible to explain all of this to a greater or lesser extent with reference to scientific concepts.” and he’s absolutely right. That bit of science he’s referring to is called pareidolia and it’s the science that explains why people see things that aren’t there all the time. Random patterns, memory, imagination, and persuasion all work to fool the brain which, for the record, is very easily fooled; it’s the price to pay for excellent pattern recognition. Remember when you were young and looked up into the sky and saw a shape in the clouds? Yeah, well it turns out that wasn’t a 900-foot long, dead, mega-butterfly appearing thanks to a nearby psychic with a speciality in communicating with deceased fauna from the lepidoptera order of insects. If you’re interested in seeing some more random and abstract patterns declared to be things that everyone who isn’t mental knows they aren’t then check out “psychic expert” Hugh and “psychic” Tina on Facebook. Oh. And if you really want to know who are the actual ghosts with the mosts willing to appear in steam near you now then you’ll have to follow the link to the original article at the top of this page. And now for some more ghosts caught in water...
Witchcraft And Freethinking
Via Sahara Reporters (and on Facebook), which describes itself as: an outstanding, groundbreaking website that encourages citizen journalists to report ongoing corruption and government malfeasance in Africa. comes this nice, short article by Leo Igwe on witchcraft accusations and freethought in Africa. Covered in the piece are descriptions of “witch camps”, areas where those accused of devilry are sent out to live, and something of which I wasn’t aware (but see here for some photos by Jane Hahn). I suppose I’d always assumed that where such accusations still thrived the penalty was usually more severe than simple banishment. Northern Ghana is a region of gods, of dogmatic belief in gods. Apart from the gods of christianity and islam, there are innumerable other so called local or smaller gods. Some local priests and soothsayers ‘consult’ these gods. They are actually the mouthpiece of these gods. These local priests and soothsayers often under the influence of a local gin called Akpateshi or Pito, communicate god’s messages to the people including pointing out who is responsible for death and diseases in families and communities. Quite amazing and often nasty the sorts of things your local god will say to you after you’ve been drinking! A good article and some good comments; I particularly like the suggestion by Emeka K Duru to slaughter multiple chickens during innocent/guilt divinations as well as a control chicken against someone definitely innocent like, for example, the priest’s child. Worth a...
Car-Shaped UFO
The New Zealand Herald reports on a mysterious incident involving several vehicles and something from another planet!!! Or possibly another vehicle. UFO sighting leaves West Coast man ‘bug eyed’: “I was changing a CD as I was driving and when I looked up I saw what looked like a car without its lights on, stopped in the middle of the road outside Shantytown. I slammed on my brakes and my eyes were still trying to focus, when suddenly the thing just lit up and shot into the sky,” Mr Robert said. Immediately, we’ve got a good eyewitness here; someone who wasn’t paying attention to the road and who admits that his eyes weren’t in focus when the thing he was barely looking at shaped like a car and parked on a road up ahead suddenly switched its lights on. No object of this world would do something like that! The rest of the article contains more chilling evidence of the extraterrestrial...
Honey, Superbugs, and Bullshit
Just the other day I saw someone post a link to a site called RiseEarth and to an article in particular titled Mysterious Honey Discovered That Kills All Bacteria Scientists Throw At It. Being someone with something of a scientific mind this attracted my attention immediately; a natural ingredient, I thought, that can kill all known bacteria. Could it be? Or even bee? Yes, I think puns in my head. But, even as I thought those three words “could it be?” a simultaneous thought – since I’m also someone with a skeptical mind – also raised a hand, waved a little for attention, and spoke up: not bloody likely. So, to the article about bacteria-killing honey then! Australian researchers have been astonished to discover a cure-all right under their noses — a honey sold in health food shops as a natural medicine. Oh dear. Health food shops. Immediate red flag. Maybe it’s okay, maybe it’s still genuine. Far from being an obscure health food with dubious healing qualities, new research has shown the honey kills every type of bacteria scientists have thrown at it, including the antibiotic-resistant ‘superbugs’ plaguing hospitals and killing patients around the world. That’s better. That’s certainly alleviating some concerns. Because my initial thought was that this actually was an obscure health food with dubious healing qualities. But apparently it isn’t. Good, good. Assuming I take it at its word, which I don’t, but let’s carry on. Professor [Dee] Carter’s two sons, Marty, 8 and Nicky, 6, think it’s funny the way their mother puts honey on their sores. But she swears by it, telling stories of how quickly it cures any infection. […] The curative properties of various types of honey have been known to indigenous cultures for thousands of years, and dressing wounds with honey was common before the advent of antibiotics. Uh oh. On the one hand that’s a real professor (see (not much bee research going on there, though)). On the other hand backing up the scientific claim with one sentence about kids relating to their mother’s way of treating wounds and another talking about remedies from antiquity… ooh, that’s another, massive red flag. At this point I was distracted by some of the other articles on the RiseEarth website. These articles include: Area 51 Builds Massive Alien Pyramid Illuminati Occult Symbolism in London’s Olympic Closing Ceremony How Hemp Oil Cures Cancer And Why No One Knows If you were a manufacturer of red flags then right now you’d be doing a roaring trade as I’d be buying up all your stock. I don’t think I need to fully explain why it’s...
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