Posted By Mark on Aug 18, 2012 | 5 comments

You are witness to the moments before a terrible mistake. It's not his hat, although that is a terrible mistake too. Nor is it the contents of his roll, although cheese is the Devil's food and will be banned in the new world order. No, it is that one should never sit half in the sun and half out of the sun while eating.

Do you know the Klingon proverb "Energy spontaneously disperses from being localised to becoming spread out if it is not hindered from doing so, p'tak!" (their proverbs need a little work)? Energy – more localised in the gentleman's upper half on account of that supplied by the sun's radiation and the roll's cheesy matter – was spreading out into the gentleman's lower half with every bite, every chew, and every swallow. The lower half, of course, could only absorb so much spreading energy, conducting a little away through the skin of the legs and feet but not enough to counter the flow. We are humans. We are aware of where in our lower extremities there are natural outlets.

I would say that he farted but it would not do the moment justice. I was, instead, reminded of viewing film of V2 rockets taking off during the second world war. Of his body there was no sign but half of his roll remained on the pavement for just as long as it takes startled seagulls to recover their composure. A terrible mistake.

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