I’m not a fashion photographer – or a photographer at all if I’m brutally honest – but if I were and I wanted a photoshoot with someone who could convey “mad as a bag of frogs” in her poses then it’s probably Dutch model Saskia de Brauw who I’d turn to. Here’s why.
“Er… Saskia? Saskia?”
“Uh huh? What?”
“Just… wondering… er… what are you doing?”
“It’s called a fashion pose.”
“Is it now? And what, er, is it supposed to be?”
“I’m miming. I’m trapped in a glass box scratching some records on the wheels of steel.”
“Right. I see. Only… it’s just that… well, I just really wanted stern for this shot.”
“Right, if you can just take a seat on the rock over there and HOLY SHIT! Sorry! You scared the crap out of me. What the hell are you wearing?”
“Versace.”
“What? No, no, I know it’s Versace. I meant that thing around your neck. What? Why?”
“You said you were after a classical look for these shots, right?”
“Yes.”
“Elizabethan ruff. It really doesn’t get more classical than that.”
“…”
“I’m here for the punk spread.”
“I… get that. Your hair, very punk. Just what I was after. Just one question?”
“Shoot.”
“What are you wearing?”
“I killed a leopard and a bear at the zoo.”
“Did you now?”
“Yes. And I keep what I kill so I’m wearing their skins.”
“Right you are then. John? John, there you are. Make a note: no more Necromongers. Thanks John. Okay Saskia, let’s make the best of this then before the police take you away.”
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