Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
April 11, 2005
Still may be Mark ‘ill be nice n post the dope that I sent via his web address
Then again he might not be or it might bounce cause I woz 2 dumb to address it rite!
April 13, 2005
Jentina is dry she has to take like 20 breaths before her next line u can tell she cant mc, lady sovereign is sooo much better than her check her out boi!!!
April 17, 2005
Jentina is fuckin a mug, chattin shit bout gucci n burberry she couldnt even aford em, i used to live in surrey n thur aint nuffin ghetto bout it, so why she tryin ta act!
April 27, 2005
Jentina is well fit is shag her any day! is she still going out with that ugly bastard keith flint id like to know
April 27, 2005
CBHQ STILL OWNS
April 27, 2005
I love jenita 😉 , i want to touch her with my touching pole 😉
April 29, 2005
i respect lady sovereign 2 the max she cussed jentina proper she is a low, rich, stage skool bitch dnt fink 4 1 moment ur bad cause lady sovereign made u fuckin sad haha ur fucking nightmare bitch!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
April 29, 2005
just like to say i have the nice’s bum in the world and another thing you to girls jentina and lady sovereign are so fucking gay ur never be as rich as me so sort ur sad lifes out and for u morgan sort it out.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! J.LO out to all my sexy boy fans girls are bitches x x x x x x mmwah boys
April 29, 2005
sort it out who the fuck do u think u r goin round pretendin 2 b j.lo i fuck u r u low life bitch
April 29, 2005
she is absoutely stunning! she is so fucking fit its unbelivable she should b crowned the worlds sexiest woman you cant get any sexier then her
May 2, 2005
c’est vraiment une bombe de meuf, elle déchire tout, elle est trop belle, trop bonne…
dommage qu’elle soit pas plus connu ke ca en france, on voit jamais ses clips, on n’en parle jamais, moi jla kiff trop trop …
May 3, 2005
Yes a bit like our wonderful Musical PM Tony Blair and his mystical WOMD’s but slightly in reverse
Is our titled Grime Nobility, Lady Sovereign
In that, despite reams of recycled electrons and tons of newsprint produced Nothing tangible has been offered to disprove her Nemesis’s Gypsy pedigree
In fact it all seems to hinge on an uncorroborated 12 inch diss
I do hope she got Lord Goodman’s legal opinion before she released it!
I would write more but Im having trouble lifting my hand to the keyboard, seeing its sporting me favourite twelve and a half once gold sovereign ring
May 3, 2005
There seems to be an anomaly here? a patwa speaker from Surrey!
Still! three weeks phonetic (speech & vocal) training from me, and She’ll be holding her own, with the Sloane’s
Look what I did, for that Audrey Hepburn lass!
> baby rudegirl said …
snip —
> i used to live in surrey n thur aint nuffin ghetto
> bout it,
May 13, 2005
dont give ehr shit shes heaps good n shes so beautiful shes awesome n id marry her if i could
May 18, 2005
lady sovereign is da greatest female rapper there is her lyrics just roll off of her tongue its awesome Lady Sovereign i love you you rock xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
May 25, 2005
stut up slagin of jentina ,she anit a slag and she had a hard life i know dat cause er step dad is my dads bro
May 29, 2005
Jentina and Sovereign are both WASTEGYALZ you want a real femcee check no lay from unorthodox
May 30, 2005
So ‘err tell me wots all dis, mo’ f’kin dissin’
‘Grime’ ain’t no crime, nor is cutting it as R&B dope’
Mouthin’ ‘U slag’ to a body, don’t make it a forensic fact!
But I wud advise Miz Sovg, to get ‘er Management to earn their Dunzi, n fix
‘er bruk up web site.
Naffin vidwize plays ‘n I wanna cee it!
(Cee Mark I’m uzin da silent G)
May 31, 2005
JENTINA …JENTINA..SHE GOT A LIKING FOR DA PEENA ..A BIG ONE ..A SMALL ONE…THICK OR THIN THEY MAKE HER GRIN AND WHEN THEY POP IT GOES ON HER CHIN!!
May 31, 2005
ABOUT JENTINA….
ID JAB HER JOBBIE WITH MY BOBBY
MUNCH HER TURD FOR MY GRUB
WASH MY FACE WITH HER PEE GREEN PIDDLE
AND DRINK HER BATHWATER FROM MY EMPTY BUCKFAST BOTTLE MMMMMAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
June 4, 2005
jentina’s parents are romanians like me.romanian girls are usually very pritty…
June 4, 2005
she has a very romanian face,but she’s not that pritty…
June 7, 2005
Jentina is a fake bitch who trys to be something she ain’t she talks shite and looks like a trout
June 10, 2005
can u believe that she’s keith flint’s fiancee?
June 12, 2005
wha guanin,jentina need 2 b sortin it out,lady sovereign diss track 2 bad ass strippa is soo much beta as she is bare crap,wot appened 2 er neway-oh yer she was dropped bi er record label hahaha!!
leo
June 12, 2005
Her new single Mysterious sounds great! – http://www.jentina.biz
June 13, 2005
Complaint to the proprietor!
Having spent all of a half hour writin my comment
It mysteriously vanished wen I posted it
I will have to write to my MP and demand questions r asked in the house!
Anyway bugger it I hav other things 2 do
June 13, 2005
Good on yer J that link u posted leads to Col Blimp where u can download the vid
How I wish the same could be said ov Sov of the broken links
Neways, u can a least listen to er diss at
Lady Soverigne sadarse
http://www.ukmusic.com/audio/sadarse.mp3
If it still works, I downloaded it sometime ago
June 14, 2005
Lady Soverigne sadarse
http://www.ukmusic.com/audio/sadarse.mp3
I PREFER THIS VERSION!
June 15, 2005
JENTINA TOPLESS ?
June 16, 2005
I’m italian!
Today I listen Mysterious on the radio! 😀
Download new video: http://www.colonelblimp.com/directors/benib/
June 22, 2005
Considering your self confessed dietary habits or desires Jobbie Jab
Why am i not surprised o’bout your musical preference regarding the Grime princess’s lyrical offering
June 24, 2005
Is jentina still dating keith flint?
please ,someone,answer
June 26, 2005
I fink Jentina had it cumin lady Sovergin is the best i luv the song bad ass strippa she taks the proppa piss outa jentina lol X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X
June 26, 2005
IS SHE STILL DATING KEITH FLINT?
June 28, 2005
Re: still dating Keith Flint have not got a clue
But have found a Lady Sov vid that actually works on the Colonel Blimp site
http://www.colonelblimp.com/directors/adamsmith/
Its al’rite, better den dat sadarse nastiness she labbered bout Tina
http://videos.antville.org
Url above is another usefull vid site
Shedloads of dope. Goes back to the year dot, or summit like that!
You click on the calender date to get urls for vids that were posted on that day
Loads of weird n wonderful stuff, sum rubbish but hey its vids r free n fresh
July 5, 2005
ABOUT JENTINA….
ID JAB HER JOBBIE WITH MY BOBBY
MUNCH HER TURD FOR MY GRUB
WASH MY FACE WITH HER PEE GREEN PIDDLE
AND DRINK HER BATHWATER FROM MY EMPTY BUCKFAST BOTTLE MMMMMAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!
YUM YUM I CAN FEEL HER FAECES IN MY TUM,
I JUST CANT WAIT TO HOI THEM OUT MY HAIRY BUM
AND BRUSH MY TEETH WITH JENTINA’S BATH WATER SCUM!!!!!!!!
July 6, 2005
ma va soka!
July 8, 2005
is she still dating keith flint?
July 15, 2005
Jentina new album "Do Not Disturb" http://www.jentina.biz
July 17, 2005
Ok, right…Jentina looks like a rat…she mite be pretty and she might hava nice booty but Lady Sovereign is alot better dan Jentina..Soveriegns diss to Jantina (Sad ass Strippa) is 10 times better than jentinas bad ass strippa…nd all u lil pop cronie jentina fans need to geta life…init
oh yer…..Jentina IS a wannabe…and apparently shes a lil bitch ….wash ya ‘gucci’ thongs luv
July 17, 2005
Hey Pplz….Lil G is so0o0o0 right…Jentina looks like a fcuking rat…i meen jus look at her..Soveriegn is better than Jentina and always will be even if she dusnt make it.And Sad ass Strippa IS 10 times better than bad ass stippa nd iv newan wnts to hear it den jus email me or add me on msn….
cute_cuddles69@hotmail.co.uk. Ta x.x.x.
July 18, 2005
A truly great film, simply wonderful and excitingly and legs were used to check licked up and down from the bow to the port of the popular egg of their backs of when curtains were used you don’t see john in it because their legs were at the tall and of the sea sick animal with panting and shouting and screaming with semen dripping from their faces and bottoms with furious pressure of the jet of string shot deep inside the pit of young men where they clung to his groin with such force they tore his flesh from his bath when washed his face with dog semen and painful anguish of simple pleasure of a lip so deep between the leg of the magical streetwalker who works for five dollars on her knee the left foot was in line with the right.
July 30, 2005
hey lady sov do us all a favour n shut up, stop hatetin, who r u ne way, iv ony herd u from the fit but u know it n wen u flopd at the o2 wireless festival, jentina is much better than u, i understand if ur jelous n stuf, we all cnt look n sing n good as her but keep up the day job, jentina wiv u all the way babe
August 6, 2005
its called a lyrical diss, eminem dus it bowt 50 an game did a song calld 300 bar (phat tune) about all da uva rappers an eminem dissed every1 on ass like that so leave lady sov out of it let her do her ting, ya all jus jelous neway cos she can MC an shes proppa pretti aswell, she givs us chavs a gd name:) shes ace an i bet u cudnt MC as gud as her so get over yourself u stupid lil weird ppl jentinas shit at singin neway wat wa french kisses about an y she finkin shes from da ghetto wen frizinghalls da ghetto an barkerend 🙂 so up herz, an as for her new album cover she dunt luk like a G she luks like a dikhed pretendin wiv huge earings that i cud get 4 40 bar from da underground market in shpley
August 7, 2005
JENTINA IS FROM KINGSTON AREA, NEAR MOLESY.SHE WENT TO MY SCHOOL. SHE HAS A SISTER, DIDNT LIVE IN A CARAVAN AND SHE ISNT EXACTLY A CHAV.ATLEAST THESE TWO GIRLS ARE MAKING IT, ENUFF FOR PEOPLE LIKE U LOT TO BE CHATTIN ABOUT THEM.JEN AND SOV ARENT THAT AMAZING, SOV IS BETTER BUT THEY ARE ON A DIFFERENT LEVEL.
August 9, 2005
LADY SOV IS BARE GUD. DIS SLAPPA OO AS 2 TAKE ER CLOTHES OFF 2 GET NOTICED WUDNT NO TALENT IF IT WAZ SHAGGIN ER 4M BEHIND. OH BY DA WAY SPINDERELLA UR CHATTIN BOUT EM 2 SO OO R U 2 SAY OFAWIZE?????……………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
………………………………………………………DATZ WOT I FOUGHT……………………………………………
August 11, 2005
frick coooulod uooo wooon daaah pazz mi aginnn couzz I dooon tinnnk i qoooite coought it fanks
PS wen ooo uooo gooon to tek uooor clothes ooff ?
August 14, 2005
Last night i was bored and hungry sitting in my filthy bedsit when i decided to search for some food, all i could find was an old potato under a cupboard i had to do a double take as i found this potato quite attractive and i wanted to give it all the pleasure i could in the only way i know i could so i spat on it and rammed it right up my hoop.
August 14, 2005
Lex Talionis = The law of reprisal or retaliation
Finally found a dictionary explanation or leaned how to Google did u? U pervey prat! or should I say U lusus naturae
They say ‘in vino veritas’ – a drunken man tells the truth, but a sad perve states all, quo animo?
U can’t get none can U? But then its still illegal under the age of 16 ain’t it U sad sack!