Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
September 4, 2006
Lady sov sucks, (nice figure) jentina is far the better looking sexier girl, well wot can i say i like her in that tracksuit , i would bed her anytime
September 5, 2006
Jentina only got a contract because of her tits Lady Sov got hers through talent which is why she still has a contract and isn’t at home raising a baby like Jentina.
September 6, 2006
shame it not my baby
September 6, 2006
New feature added to comments today (6th September 2006)
Type a YouTube URL in the comments and it gets automatically embedded as the video. Like this:
September 6, 2006
Her first video is so funny and crap!
September 7, 2006
not botherd about her video or talent, or miss sovs either, i just wanna nob them
September 22, 2006
dont tell me no one else wants to nob jenny or lil miss sov, they both look so delicious in those tracksuits
September 28, 2006
i Dont even know who she is sound like a big deal over nothing i think you guys need to listen to some more METALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
September 28, 2006
Gosh! Really? That’s very accommodating of her.
Unless in your hippety hoppety txt spk you meant "hose" which is less remarkable, and in fact rather commonplace since Richard Blackwood had his done on live TV.
September 30, 2006
WOW this Jentina chick is pretty lame. I am seriously feeling my i.q. drop by watching her video! WOW that is some BAD music. And the simple fact that i only listened to it was because of lady sovereign’s dis. at least lady sovereign got the poor thing some people to listen to her pathetic ramblings.
November 12, 2006
Shit man jentina sux ass!! LADY SOV ROCKS!!! Make way 4 da S.O.V!!
Jentina is a slut/ wanna b!!!!!!!!
December 14, 2006
i luv sov she is the best but I also luv Jentina and I mean that and this hasn’t been edited because I ignored the warning about swearing. go all the way sov luv ya kassi
December 15, 2006
thats so suxs i dont like jentina i hate her i luv lady sovereign go all the way sov.luv ya kassi
January 4, 2007
I love Jen! Mysterious is my favourite song *-*
Lady sov… eww
January 19, 2007
You all suck, leave the lady alone she’s only trying to provide you with entertainment, if you don’t like it switch the farken station over. Bunch of winy bitches.
February 18, 2007
shout goin out to the gypsy people xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
March 27, 2007
JENTINA ROCKSSSSSS!!! lady sovereign sucks!!!
April 9, 2007
Jentina this is not a dream…
THIS IS A F**KING NIGHTMARE YOU BI*CH!
lol
August 22, 2007
I loved this article. It’s just as well Jentina flopped, can you imagine her if she became famous? She’d be a snotty monster. It’s unfair that people with talent are passed over for the likes of Jentina Chapman. What a tramp she is.
October 12, 2007
gibberish removed
November 13, 2007
Jentina sucks! Lady sov. have right to diss her.. Jentina is.. Wannabe!
May 5, 2008
JENTINA I LOVE YOU!!! No matter what i’ll always love your songs! Mysterious, Bad Ass Strippa, French Kisses and Hard Times are AWESOME! I want your other! WAITING FOR YUOR NEW ALBUM!!! I LOVE JENTIN! xXx
June 27, 2008
jentina u smak hed get a lyf GO ESS OWHH VEEE
July 26, 2008
Personally, the reason people who hate Jentina look her up is to talk bad about her. I looked her up to find out who she is. I hate her music too. I don’t know her, so I can’t hate her in particular. Stop threatening each other, it’s stupid. By then way, this isn’t Jentina’s website.
August 26, 2008
I love Jenty! she’s the best!
September 26, 2009
All my comments are erased!! WTF !!!
Jentina is for ever THE BEST!!
Site Owner Edit: That’s because you posted numerous times, using numerous aliases, and carried on a conversation with yourself spamming your opinion. Just because you change the name you’re posting under doesn’t mean that I can’t see which comments are posted by the same person (you and your many alter egos in this instance) and it only takes one click by me to remove every comment you post in an instant. I could also block you from the site if necessary, block everyone using your ISP (direct-adsl), block everyone from your country (Netherlands), or simply turn off comments for this post – or any other – altogether. You’ve posted your comment. Now leave it at that.
February 23, 2010
It was a breath of fresh air, to hear someone report on someone with truth and facts.
Jentina is NOT a realy pikey, which in one way is sad, at least then we could excuse her. Bua alas she is not. At school she was called Jentina Nash, not Chapman. she was a bit of a slapper, and cheated on her long term botfriend Sam many a times. She was a bully and very two faced. she stole and pushed her way to the front. She was not living in a caravan for years, she had a respectable house that she lived in. 14 brothers and sisters? were they kept under the stairs, this is the first time that i have ever heard of them… and i went to school with her throughout sencondry school, mores the pity. I do believe that she may have got her contract by way of sexual favours, and with the luck of having a pretty face managed to seal the deal, All in all, she isnt a talant, unless being talantless is a talant…in which case… she isn’t a pikey, though she did try, by knocking about with them at school… and their are many people who deserve to be in the charts, she is not one.
June 7, 2011
Great gal met her in epson the other day, really down to earth. Cant see what the big fuss is shes only human. Shout out to the travlers!