Eurovision 2011 Preview: Part 1
It’s almost that time of the year again! Yes, it’s almost time when I don’t have to put any thought into coming up with something new for the site and can simply embed a few music videos and mock the artists and countries responsible for the atrocities! It’s Eurovision time! Eurovision will be taking place in Düsseldorf this year because last time around Germany foolishly went and put forward a good song by a quirky and rather pleasant to look at singer, Lena Meyer-Landrut. Clearly, paint fumes burning away in some area of Eastern Europe are still wafting over the inhabitants of the Rhineland as they’ve decided that Lena can sing for her country again. And – horror of horrors! – it’s only another cracking song! That’s Taken By A Stranger by Lena and I think it’s clear to see that it suffers from only one major flaw: it’s way too good for the likes of Eurovision. One of my prerequisites for considering voting for a country in Eurovision is this: has the song or video been influenced in any way by the classic 1982 Marc Singer and Rip Torn movie The Beastmaster? It’s not a secret prerequisite and my vote is clearly worth a lot because Albania have embraced it this year in style with a tribute to the film’s falcon/eagle/I-don’t-know-birds Sharak in the song Feel The Passion by red-headed lungstress Aurela Gaçe. If the Eurovision Song Contest ever turns into a competition to find the continent’s best movie soundtrack for an upcoming, lighthearted, romantic story set against the backdrop of Venice starring Juliette Binoche and Colin Firth then it’s entirely possible that Italy can resubmit Madness Of Love by Raphael Gualazzi with more than a slight expectation that it will do well. It will not, however, do well in the contest’s current format. Ireland have a reputation that’s second-to-none when it comes to victories in Eurovision but alcohol poisoning does eventually affect decision-making and that may explain the appearance of the unbelievably dense and irritatingly irritating twins John and Edward, or, sigh, Jedward, and their song Lipstick. Now, it’s entirely possible that the song gets really good after nine seconds but that was all I could take. By all means, feel free to play the video and ascertain the worthiness of the Irish musical contribution this year but I would suggest something firm to clamp your teeth down onto, strong straps to prevent injury during your inevitable convulsions, and a deaf friend nearby who can shut down your computer and alert medical personnel when you collapse into a coma. Greece have surprised in recent years with some...
Strong Island Art Exhibition
There’s an art exhibition taking place right now at The Round Tower in Old Portsmouth. Which is in the all-new and improved Portsmouth. This art exhibition has been organised by Strong Island and this goes quite some way to explaining just why I’ve chosen the title for this post that you can read above. In case you feel like broadening your artistic horizons and, at the same time, helping support local endeavours whilst simultaneously sheltering from the sun/rain (delete as applicable) then until May 1st (not including Mondays because artists, just like Bob Geldof, simply don’t like them) you should try to find the time to pop down to the Round Tower and check out the Strong Island art exhibition. I’ve been and if it’s good enough for me then it’s good enough for you. Because I’m better than you. I’ve taken some pictures! Photographic evidence of cyborg rats sent back through time to kill a pigeon named Sarah Cooner (do you see what I did there?) is pretty rare but there’s a cracking example of the temporal arrival on show at the Round Tower right now. If you’re one of my key demographic groups – people who like scantily-dressed twins and musical notation and are allowed to access the internet because they’ve shown they can be trusted not to hurt themselves – then here’s just one of a number of pieces you might enjoy at the exhibition. What’s that you say? Art exhibitions in towers are okay but what you really like is discovering random torpedoes? Have I got news for you! And they’ve got tea too! And it’s nice! They also had ale but the swines had sold out before I got there. I can only assume it was nice too. I’m not bitter. Much. The Strong Island Art Exhbition runs Tuesday to Sunday until the first of May at the Round Tower. That’s for anybody who’s forgotten...
Portsmouth Skeptics In The Pub
At the risk of treading on the toes of Strong Island which does a sterling job of talking about and promoting local endeavours in and around Portsmouth, and at the risk of talking about and promoting local endeavours in and around Portsmouth (something really quite alien to these particular interweb shores), and at the risk of linking the upcoming royal wedding with critical thinking and pubs I thought I’d just promote a local endeavour in and around Portsmouth whilst also linking the upcoming royal wedding with critical thinking and pubs in a manner that just may hook any oddball on the net who decides to combine those subjects in a search term. Have you heard about Skeptics In The Pub? No? Oh, but you should! Even though they spell skeptics with a ‘k’. But you never talk about that. First rule of Skeptics Club and all that rot. So, Skeptics In The Pub is the name given to a regular social event at various venues in various countries on various planets in various solar systems careering through various galaxies speeding away from other various galaxies and occasionally merging with other various galaxies whilst spreading out in various universes in various multiverses in various supermultiverses in the one all-encompassing great big suede wallet of supermultiverses carried around by God in his back pocket. The purpose of the pub meetings is to discuss or listen to topics on sceptical subjects such as: religion, lol homeopathy, pmsl can Intelligent Design explain Ray Comfort? how did we not know George Michael was gay? is crystal energy the only genuine alternative to bowel surgery? is there a conspiracy to spread negative press about use of probes in alien abductions? The pub meetings take place in a pub. We’ve thought about having them take place in a cemetery in order to throw off the government agencies who monitor our activities for subversive plots against William and Kate (more on them soon) but we’re all scared of ghosts. So they take place in a pub. This means we’re able to drink which has two benefits: alcohol allows us to think more clearly (or, at least, think we’re thinking more clearly, which is half – if not three-fifths – of the battle), and alcohol also clouds brain emanations which means meetings can take place without the need for silly tinfoil hats. Let’s see the UK secret service – screw you MFI! – steal our thoughts now! I know what you’re thinking (behold my Uri Geller levels of unearthly powers!); you’re thinking: gee mister, that sounds swell as a ripe peach! Can I come along? I’m sorry but...
Richard Madeley’s Ghost Cat!
I was lucky enough to listen to everyone’s favourite Madeley, Richard, on the radio on the way into work today. This experience came about through a combination of me always listening to the radio while commuting, choosing to tune into Radio 2, and the time being a little after eight in the morning during a period when Richard Madeley is sitting in for Chris Evans in his regular slot. You will note that these matter-of-fact occurrences just happened to coincide and that there is no immediate need to exclaim “Holy halibut! It’s the work of angels! Explain that Dawkins!” It’s quite important to note that. So, back to that there radio programme… Madeley related a story – a true story because someone he knew told it to him – about a ghost cat. A summary of the story follows: Some time ago a man – let’s call him Caron Keating’s brother Paul because that’s his name and there’s no escaping the shame of idiocy here – went to Ireland and, while there, hopped in a taxi to visit the place where his dad was buried. Arriving at the cemetery he realised he couldn’t remember which grave was his father’s and looked up and down for some time in vain. Suddenly, he spotted movement and, following it, discovered a large, grey cat sunning itself on a grave. The grave – you won’t be at all surprised to hear – was his father’s! The cat scarpered just like a cat might do if it were a cat. Trying to pray at the grave, Paul was distracted by the cat which reappeared and purred; a very spooky thing for a cat to do unless that cat were really a cat and not a sentient brick in a cat suit. His praying ruined, Paul returned to the taxi with cat in tow, and struggled to get away from the cat’s persistent following. The cat clearly wanted attention. Very, very spooky. For a mushroom. Not so much for a cat. A few days later Paul visited his brother and mentioned the cat. His brother went very quiet and pulled out an old photograph of their dad that he had apparently hidden from Paul for some reason all his life. The photo was of the father, younger (since photographs record moments that happened in the past), and with a grey cat! “Is that the cat?” asked Paul’s brother, pointing at the vintage polaroid’s three inch by three inch faded image of a man with a moggy. And do you know what? It was! Paul couldn’t explain it. Richard Madeley couldn’t explain it. Nobody could explain...
The Alphabet
“Hi, I’d like to get a season ticket for my car,” I said as cheerfully as I ever say anything to people behind counters in car parking ticket offices. “Registration please,” said the young woman on the other side of the glass, without looking up from the little booklet she was thumbing through. “Aitch… Vee…,” I started. “Kay Bee,” she repeated back. Okay, repeated isn’t the right word there. “No, aitch,” I said,”and vee.” “Jay Pee?” she asked, brow furrowing, but head still not raising. “Aitch!” I said with perhaps a little too much force. Her head lifted and her puzzled face with its confused grimace and perplexed eyes finally pointed in my direction. “Aitch,” I said, mouthing the word slowly for her benefit. “Oh,” she said (thankfully, not the letter), “haitch!” “No, aitch, you poorly-educated, cloth-eared bint,” I replied. In my mind. I’m far too reserved to speak my innermost thoughts. I nodded with a forced smile and then drew the letter in the air with my finger while saying “vee” to her. “Hi, I’d like to get a season ticket for my car,” said a man who had just come in and glided up to the counter next to me and Miss Deafy McThick. “It’s for Charlie Alpha Fiver Niner X-Ray Whiskey Foxtrot,” he rattled off. My would-be ticket-issuer and I shared a glance with a hidden meaning. It might have been “see, we wouldn’t have had all this trouble if you’d said Hotel Victor from the start” but I choose to believe it was actually “I’ll just bet that tool using the phonetic alphabet drives an Audi.” Mere minutes later I left clutching my...
When Spam Goes Wrong
Back from a short jaunt into the wilds of darkest Yorkshire. Many, many pictures to plough through and process. Many, many loads of washing to do. Many, many moderated comments to send to the great comment oubliette in the ground. Sometimes you want to let a spam comment through because it makes your site look more active and, well, they can say the nicest things when they’re simply trying to get backlinks and not trying to find that one person out there on the internet who still doesn’t know how to search for various pills and replica handbags and thinks online shopping is something you can only truly do from following the links in poorly-spelt unrelated comments on often-abandoned blogs. I won’t let those comments through though… but I might (read: will) just share this particular gem that showcases just what happens when a spambot can’t decide just which random phrase to adorn your site with and decides to give you them all at once: Comment diarrhoea left from IP address 199.15.234.8 … I was very pleased to seek out this web-site.I wished to thanks to your time for this wonderful learn!! I positively enjoying every little bit of it and I have you bookmarked to take a look at new stuff you blog post. Can I just say what a aid to find someone who really is aware of what theyre talking about on the internet. You undoubtedly know learn how to convey a problem to mild and make it important. Extra folks have to read this and understand this facet of the story. I cant imagine youre not more popular because you positively have the gift. very nice put up, i definitely love this website, carry on it It’s onerous to search out knowledgeable individuals on this subject, but you sound like you understand what you’re speaking about! Thanks You need to participate in a contest for probably the greatest blogs on the web. I will suggest this website! An attention-grabbing seo discussion is value comment. I think that you need to write more on this matter, it may not be a taboo subject however typically individuals are not sufficient to talk on such topics. To the next. Cheers Good day! I simply would like to give an enormous thumbs up for the nice information you’ve gotten here on this post. I will likely be coming back to your weblog for extra soon. This really answered my drawback, thanks! There are some fascinating deadlines on this article but I don’t know if I see all of them center to heart. There may be some...
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