Fake Olympic Games
There has been much talk about the fakery in use at this year’s Olympic Games in Beijing; the Milli Vanilli experience of the little girl miming the song and the fireworks that were a little too perfect for everyone’s tastes. Naturally, people are upset as one of the cornerstones of the modern olympics, as set down in the Olympic rulebook in 1900, is the principle that "no host country may employ such technique or technology during the opening ceremony so as to produce a spectacle that is anything other than 100% wholesome and honest and free of trickery." Oh no, wait a minute, that’s not there at all and people are being painted as being driven into a frenzied outrage by the manipulative press. In fact, far from the use of underhanded skullduggery for entertainment purposes being a thoroughly despicable and new idea invented by the Chinese, the necessity to occasionally alter activities during the games has occurred at nearly every recorded Olympics. In 1936 rabid sports fan Adolf Hitler wanted nothing more than to watch some of the world’s finest athletes compete in the company of some of Germany’s most attractive booth babes. His advisors thought differently and photos that were released to the global press were first doctored using crude image fakery techniques to better present a strong German image. The largely forgotten 1964 Tokyo Olympics is largely forgotten largely due to Japanese photographic experts who crudely removed any imagery of Godzilla from the official records of the games in order to not put off potential investors in the upcoming consumer electronics industry. The Mexico games of 1968 are forever tarred with the image of American athletes Tommie Smith and John Carlos delivering a "black power" salute but the truth is that neither competitor was politcally motivated and that both were the victims of Mexican jealousy that their northern neighbour’s winning athletes were given free balloons, scarves, hats, and cigarettes while their own went without. Editing in the dark room helped tarnish the American reputation...
Site Update: August 2008
Changelog for August 2008 is as follows: Awards With the recent arrival of two – count ’em! – internet awards it made sense to remove their presence from the About page and create a new one for them; their very own display cabinet, if you will. Awards, as and when (and if) they arrive will now be housed on the Awards page. Google Adsense Removed from site. I never promoted it that much so it never really delivered very much. Subsequently, its removal helps to tidy the site somewhat and will improve load times. For the record: the support person at Google who dealt with my query about terminating Adsense was very polite, very helpful, and provided very quick service. New Links Electromuff and Not What It Used To Be have been added into the Humour Headlines RSS syndication and a couple of sites that hadn’t been updated in a few months were removed. Chronicles: A History Of Rush is in the friends list too because my favourite angry Chicagoan is back on the internet with his new site featuring his new band. Comments The ever-changing commenting system has undergone some more tweaking. The addition of auto-moderating unapproved commenters was working but it meant that a lot of first-time or one-off commenters or those who comment normally but – for some reason – cannot store cookies properly were going into moderation needlessly. So … the new code now checks if the person is approved and, if not, then checks to see if there are any links or images. Links or images put the comment into moderation. If there are no links then the comment is approved. If the commenter supplies a link to their own site then the URL is checked for spam words and the link is also checked to make sure it is a domain link rather than a web page link. So now, even if a person isn’t auto-approved their comment will still publish automatically so long as the only link they provide is that linking from their name to a top level domain (and only a few TLDs are accepted) without suspicious keywords in it. So far, this seems to be working...
Beijing Olympics With The BBC
… but of course the games have been overshadowed by the protests. That’s right Sue. It’s been one of the most controversial games since records began in Queen Anne’s time. Possibly before. Fireworks have started! At last! You can stop talking now! A lot of people have been talking about Tibet in the lead-up to these games. Yeah, I know, could hardly hit a news website or switch the TV on without one of you talking about it. Now, quiet down, the ceremony has started. It’s been something of an embarrassment for the Chinese government, don’t you think? I think so. You know, what with everyone talking about it. It’s not everyone, it’s just you lot, and you’re doing it over the ceremony so will you please just give it a rest. Everyone has been talking about it, yes, but what do the Chinese people themselves think about it? Who the fuck cares any longer! It’s started! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! Well, I think most Chinese aren’t even aware of the situation because of the oppressive blocking of outside new sources that might have casually mentioned something about the oppression at some point in the months prior to the games starting. Oh, what was that?! I’m not sure; I was looking at my page of notes titled "Socially Unacceptably Rude Political Belittling Topics To Use While At The Olympics For All The People Watching The Sports Ceremony Just For The Political Commentary From Sports Journalists Because They Do Exist, They Really Do." Ha ha! Yes, me too. Anyway, why don’t we watch some of the ceremony now? Motherf … sonsof … calm down Mark, calm down, watch the drummers and fireworks … relax … ooh, that’s impressive … man, London 2012 is going to suck after this … I wonder what noise two thousand pearly kings and queens would make … oh, that was good! Oh, that was good! Yes it was Sue. The fireworks are certainly impressive. I’m not sure it will be helping with the smog levels though, ha ha! Don’t you go there. Don’t you dare go there. No, you’re probably right. Pollution has been a big talking point in the run-up to these games here in Beijing. Because there’s been pollution that you can see. And we’ve been talking about it. That’s right. The IOC do say that levels are fine. But they’re not as low as the World Health Organisation say they could and should be and that’s a bad thing. It is a bad thing. I agree it’s a...
Classic Slug Magazines
Ever since I posted some classic Vintage Slug Advertising of yesteryear people have come up to me in the street and asked me just where I managed to obtain such quality published incitements to purchase slugs and slug-related paraphernalia. My answer: my extensive collection of slug magazines dating back numerous decades and from all four slug-trailed corners of the globe. Slug magazines such as these: Modern Slug Slughouse Weird Slug Stories...
Gay Universe Movie Quotes
If that plane leaves the ground and you’re not with him, you’ll regret it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and over a frappuccino. Casablanca Cooee! Adrian! I did it! Rocky II You’re the wrong guy at the wrong place at the wrong time in the wrong shoes with the wrong coat and what were you thinking when you asked for that haircut!? Die Hard 2: Die Fabulouser You had me at "Hello Sailor!" Jerry Maguire No, Luke. I am your father’s new boyfriend. The Empire Minces Back You’re only supposed to blow the bloody nails dry! The Italian Job I see dead skin. The Sixth Sense Oh no, it wasn’t the airplanes. It was pneumonia and other complications resulting from HIV/AIDS killed the beast. Queen Kong I’m sorry Dave, I’m afraid I can’t do that. I’m in the middle of a Judy Garland marathon. 2001: A Space Odyssey I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. A two-for-one sale on angora sweaters off the shoulder of Orion. I watched an ABBA tribute band glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time … like tears in rain. Time to die. Blade Runner I’ll be ba-aack! The Terminator Bears and bears and bears, oh my! The Wizard Of Oz I know what you’re thinking. "Did he go for the Ralph Lauren or the Pierre Cardin?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a Tuesday, the most fabulous day in the world you’ve got to ask yourself one question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, bitch? Dirty Harry I feel the need – the need to exfoliate! Top Gun My momma always said life was like a box of chocolates … it goes straight to your hips. Forrest Gump They may take our lives, but they’ll never take … our make-up! Braveheart Get your unmanicured paws off me, you damned dirty ape! Planet Of The Apes A census taker once tried to test me. I scratched his eyes out, the brute. The Silence Of The Lambs Say hello to my little life partners!...
Obligatory Referrer Post
There is an old internet law that states that website owners must make fun about referrer traffic at some point. I have resisted that law for such a long time … but, alas!, no more. A combination of events has conspired to force me to address some of the people discovering this site through the power of search engines. Firstly and most importantly, I absolutely have to push that image of Not A Man’s Backside in the previous post off the bottom of the screen as fast as humanly possible. Secondly, it’s hot and my brain doesn’t think of original things very easily when it’s hot. Thirdly, it’s hot if I’ve not mentioned that before, my confusing namesake talked about referral traffic, and I’m easily confused and swayed when it’s hot and I see my own name talking about things. So, primarily to address the image, but also to address some of the visitors to these virtual shores, and picking some queries of interest from here: is it ok to give oral sex while you have an ulcer in your mouth You know how condoms are ribbed for her pleasure? Well, mouth ulcers are nature’s gift to men as compensation. To avoid any pain that might reflexively cause the jaw to snap, though, make sure to coat your guy’s little guy liberally with Bonjela. can an octopus get the bends Fortunately for cephalopods there are no outlets of Radiohead music under the sea. stories of barbers who shave pussy Well, okay, here’s one. Just for you: Once upon a time there was a barber who owned the cleanest barber’s shop in all the world. So clean was this shop that people would come from all four corners of the globe just to have their hair cut and beards trimmed. The barber never would, though, lest any hair cause his barber’s shop to become less than perfectly clean. One day, however, the barber opened up his barber’s shop to discover a mouse sitting in his pristine barbershop chair licking himself. The barber was deathly afraid of mice and terrified that the mouse might moult at some point causing the crowd gathered outside to lose interest in his clean shop so he asked a nearby cat to remove the mouse for him. The cat agreed but only in return for a trim of his whiskers so the barber gave the business-savvy pussy a shave and the mouse was soon sent to mouse heaven. The next day the barbershop was shut down for health and safety reasons and the barber threw himself off a cliff to his death. simile for an awful...
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