Not A Man’s Backside
This is not a man’s backside. I know this because I took the photo and among my many photographic Rules Of Thumb (similar to Ferengi Rules Of Acquisition) is this little gem: Rule Of Thumb #24: No men’s backsides! No! Curious is not a defence! It’s actually part of this picture. Naturally, though, I’m worried. You see … I saw a man’s backside. I hope I’m not turning...
Flickr Favourites Psychoanalysis
Recently I’ve become far more involved in my amateur (very, very amateur) hobby of photography. With the increase in the involvement of photography has come an increase in the exploration of all things Flickr-related as that’s where I store and upload my least embarrasing captures. I can spend hours browsing the groups, flicking (no pun intended (I lie, it was intended)) from photostream to photostream, leaving comments, getting ideas, getting depressed at other people’s skills, joining adult groups to perv at naughty pictures and quickly leaving before anyone spots I joined, and marking photos as favourites. I have come to realise that a person’s favourite photos says a lot about that person. Take me, for instance: My Flickr Favourites From this glimpse into my psyche we can see that I’m drawn to blues and greens, cooling colours. I like old-looking photos given faux retro feelings or photos taken by old equipment. I also like dark images showcasing dystopianism. Arty shots are prevalent; those where a lot of thought has gone into the composition. To summarise, I’m cool, I care about the look and feel, I’m nostalgic, I’m moody. Not bad. So I got to wondering about some of my contacts. Claire’s Favourites Claire’s Website Analysis: One look at all that flora and fauna tells you that Claire is an all natural girl! In my mind she’s an au naturel girl but that’s because I’m filthy. She’s also got two of my pictures among her favourites meaning that she has fine taste indeed. Or no taste at all. I’m undecided on that so far. Summary: Natural and tasty. Like a nice watermelon. Jason’s Favourites Jason’s Website Analysis: Jason’s choices show that he likes pictures with signs of urban decay in them; a nihilistic quality indicating pessimism. He’s also keen on pictures of ladies, a sure indication that he’s male despite any of those rumours I’ve tried spreading to the contrary. Tucked among his favourites too are a couple of pictures of dolls. What sort of grown man likes dolls? Summary: Sexual deviant convinced he’s going to get caught in the act one day. Alistair’s Favourites Alistair’s Website Analysis: Alistair has quite a mixed choice of favourites including photos and cartoons, landscapes, animals, plastic toys, and close-ups of faces. There is a chaotic vortex at work here mashing together visions of today and reminiscences of a youth that possibly never was. Summary: Short-sighted man suffering from crippling...
Exclusive X-Files Merchandise
If you’re a fan of David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson’s characters of Mulder and Scully then it probably won’t have escaped your attention that The X-Files: I Want To Believe is hitting cinemas right about now. It certainly didn’t escape the attention of neOnbubble Movie Merchandising And School Dinners Enterprises GmbH who have teamed up with Fox (the company, not the character) to produce a web-only (no shops would stock them!) exclusive line of X-Files related gifts. If you’re an X-Files fan then you can’t not possibly not want to not miss out on not purchasing one of these top quality products. David Duchovny’s The X-Files: I Want To Beekeep If you’ve ever wondered just why it is that Mulder repeatedly talks about bees during X-Files episodes then wonder no more! In real life David Duchovny is a keen apiarist and he reached an agreement with series creator Chris Carter during the second season to slip in bee references in return for all the honey Carter could eat. Now you can keep bees just like David with this officially licensed beginner’s beekeeping kit from neOnbubble Movie Merchandising And School Dinners Enterprises GmbH. Included in David Duchovny’s The X-Files: I Want To Beekeep is: 1 Duchovny Class Hive 8 Deep Waxed Frames 8 Medium Waxed Frames Entrance Reducer Porous Bee Gloves with embroidered David Duchovny signature 8" Hive Tool Stainless Steel Smoker Beekeeping Outfit with X-Files patch on the back It’s true! David likes honey with his Tea! Agent Dana Skully Having your very own lifesize and anatomically-correct Agent Dana Scully doll that you cared for, talked to, dressed, and kept with you in the bedroom at night – to protect you from the Greys! – would be just plain weird and if there’s one thing that X-Files fans aren’t then it’s just plain weird. But they are a tad weird and that’s why any X-Files fan worth his or her salt will just be dying to part with their money for this skinless, head-only replica of Gillian Anderson’s FBI agent, punningly named "Agent Dana Skully". With realistic hair and a permanent doubting look across the plaster skull’s brow it will be just like having the character in your own home if you lived the life of a serial killer. For quality X-Files movie merchandise you simply cannot beat neOnbubble Movie Merchandising And School Dinners Enterprises...
The Time Caterpillar
I am The Time Caterpillar! I am not of your world. Unless you too are a Time Caterpillar or one of the Fig Leaf People of the Inner Rings. No, you’re probably not any of those. I am not of your time either. I am not exactly like your caterpillars but the physical resemblance and molecular smell are close enough for the term to fit. And my given name is unpronounceable to your single tongue although, when written down, through a quirk of intergalactic probabilities, it exactly forms your letters "Rupert Kingsley III". Weird, huh? I have been on your world many times. I remember the dinosaurs. Frightfully noisy, but organised and colourful. Like the gays. They would have been a great species to really get to know but there was a terrible kerfuffle when I emerged from my Temporal Cocoon. Oh yes! I am The Time Caterpillar! And I travel the Time Strings and unravel the Paradox Knots in my Temporal Cocoon. The dinosaurs were astonished to see me, naturally, although their great scientist leaders had detected the first Time Silks of my arrival using a rudimentary multiverse-homed particle detector. Nevertheless, their main kerfuffling arose from the imminent impact on their and your world of an asteroid launched from outside the solar system by the dinosaurs’ mortal enemies, the Earwig Collective. I could not help. Let me clarify: I am not forbidden from doing so by some Temporal Directive. I used to be but I travelled back in time and rewrote the directive forbidding such abuse. No, I could not help partly because I am small and found the dinosaur tools a trifle unwieldy but mostly because the dinosaurs claimed it was wrong for me to be involved in this conflict that had escalated from an affair-gone-wrong during an office party during the Triassic period. I sought escape from this battle in the only way I knew: through time! For I am The Time Caterpillar! I gorged myself on a high-energy, nutrient-filled shell that spanned a great ocean in order to prepare myself for the Time Metamorphosis. Entering my Temporal Cocoon I then skipped millenia leaving the dinosaurs to their fate. I later surmised that the shell was part of a non-aggressive shield designed to deflect asteroids and protect the noble dinosaur species and that I had inadvertently eaten it and hastened their swift demise at the hands of the Earwig Collective. I was not to know. I am not an earwig-dinosaur-war-historian expert or anything like that. I am The Time Caterpillar! We shall speak...
Doodle Week II – Doodle Body
Doodle Week II comes to an end and so do my truly dreadful pencils which I’m ritually burning as I type this. Today’s theme is Doodle Body. Although it’s not clear, that’s a man’s manly body with manly ripples of manly six-packery. In case you’re wondering … yes, I’ve got one of those bodies. Unfortunately, it’s encased within another body, slightly larger than the manly one with rippling muscly bits, and it’s protected by a layer of foamy fatness and semi-solidifed beer. And that body wears another larger one outside it because it suffers the cold a lot. Since I’m probably turning a lot of people on at the moment I won’t carry on describing the other nineteen bodily layers keeping my manly physique protected from all environments as there’s nothing I like less than turned on people viewing this...
Doodle Week II – Doodle Pet
We’re almost at the end of Doodle Week II now and it’s almost finally time to say goodbye to what has turned out to be the world’s worst set of colouring pencils ever made. I mean, seriously, they break every 4 millimetres. And they’re too shiny for my scanner to scan properly. And they’ve ruined a sharpener. Some bizarre wood that only sharpens down one side and dulls razor blades with ease. Super-concentrated oak? I don’t know. Today’s theme is Doodle Pet. That’s right! I’m a nerd. Come on! I can’t be the only person who saw the subject and thought of...
Recent Comments