Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
August 31, 2004
I had that Jentina bird, in the back of me cab once
Or I would have if she hadn’t bos’t me in the effin’ goolies, and screamed rape!
Easy mistake to make! Thought she was givin’ me the ‘come on’ when she said ‘Piss off u perverted slob, afore I stiff u’
Any way we all know when birds say No! They are gagging for it, don’t we lads
Still it’s a good job she didn’t get me cab number
Funny enough a few days later, when it was parked up, outside me house, it caught fire. Must a been something wrong with the electricals
Another thing I keep getting cricket balls through my front window, even though I live about eight miles from the oval
Probably that Andrew Flintoff showing off
August 31, 2004
so the mighty jentina has a mouth,its a shame the only thing that comes out of it is lies and more lies.
August 31, 2004
ps,jentina you have a half brother not a step brother,but you are so clever you knew that didnt you?and yes i know of you very well!!!by the way EAT SHIT………
September 2, 2004
I think Jentina is a hottie, I first heard this song on (go figure) mtv and thought it rocked. I think its funny how people may or may not know the woman but bad mouth her anyways. Shes a singer. If you like her, you like her, if not, then oh well. If people think we have too many young female singers (Britney, Christina, etc.), then find a whole bunch of dudes willing to sing individually. These women found their talents. I have no complaints.
September 2, 2004
jentina……some big record company is making a lot
of money on this cheap ass bitch….
September 9, 2004
I saw her in a restaurant i drink in a couple of days ago in scotland, i just thought she was a hot chick. Then someone pointed out to me that she was some kind of performer so i made a point of hearing her song, as suspected it was a fully formed, freshly laid steaming complete pile of shit and from what i could tell from her actions in the restaurant she thinks she is IT when in actual fact all she has going for her is a large set of tits. My prediction, this time next year she be a washed up coke addict who would suck a dead mans cock for a new record contract or a wrap of coke, what ever.
P.S Loved the article mark, V. funny.
September 11, 2004
One of the links on this page – http://www.webnymph.com/?page=music – has Jentina music to download. But I can’t tell you which for legal reasons. And because I’ve forgotten.
September 16, 2004
Er Mystic meg sorry I mean Raz u wouln’t be the same Baz caught allegedly importuning themselves with a restaurant proprietor not a million miles from a young R&B starlet’s entourage Some where north of the border
Nah! perhaps not, now I got a good look of u, even a dead donkey would be a bit more disconcerning on who it let, suck its dick
I only mentioned it ’cause your names are similar!
September 16, 2004
Katie I don’no why you bother tryin’, to tell these no hope low life fucks, off
‘Cause theys no goin’ t’ listen, fe theys just saddo’s who’s only shot at power is to diss this wee bird Jentina’s success at makin’ a toon
The ways sum gezzers gwan on here abouts U’se tink dey’se woz checkin Kate Moss or Jlo as dey Bo
Or dey woz voicin’ toons wiv big time producers like Dr Dre or Timberlan’
Nah not a chance Dey diss her sex cause deys eatin out wiv jealousy cause of her looks and she can pull Whilst mos’ o th’ blokes could’nt pull dey peker out o dey y front
September 19, 2004
Does the ghost of C’tain Pugwash stalk this board putting commas where once there was letters
or is it some sinister plot by ‘Christians United for the nulification of text speak’?
Or have you set this comment box on autotextspeak or what ever?
Mark I think we should be told!
September 19, 2004
‘erry ‘itty
September 26, 2004
hey just wane to say taht all over the internet there just a few pics of her……….som1 could tell me why??? all my freinds say that i look exactly liek her ahahahha its hylarious! so some1 can send me pics?:)thanx cya
September 27, 2004
Vik – why don’t you send in some photos of yourself and I’ll put them up so that people here can compare and see if you really do look like her? Try to pretend I didn’t type that while twiddling my Victorian-style moustache and wrapping my Victorian-style cape closer around me and laughing fiendishly under my breath.
September 27, 2004
Can someone put a nude gallery of this beautiful young lady!! She drives me crazy!!
October 1, 2004
very very beautiful
October 4, 2004
wots wiv all this pikey bashing?
October 10, 2004
Dont see why your having a go at Jentina? and her background? unlike many artists in that can be seen on the box, she actually writes and produces her music and has worked hard to get the record contract she has at the moment. I can only respect someone like that.
October 14, 2004
As everyones probably guessed ….Ilove Jentina’s music because when i play it really loud in my sister’s Renault clio 1.1 all the small boys in the neighbourhood turn round to look and i know i look so good.Id love it for one of those kids to stop me in the car and ask to touch my greasy virgin cock.My ultimate fantasy would be a little boy and Jentina and me in a bed with a tub of ice cream and a tub of vaseline.
October 15, 2004
Hate gypsies – Hate jentina
She’s crap – there are far more talented people out there than her
October 15, 2004
RTTYBRYRT
October 24, 2004
Yeah! Lex Talionis said fuck like the latent paedophile, that is doing a pathetic impersonation of him (Thurs 17th Oct)
Look the phrase: Lex Talionis up in a dictionary, u thick perverted fuck!
The fact you are driven to write shit about little boys says more about the state of ur mind than his Dumbo Ha Ha what a thicko!
October 24, 2004
the Lex impersonator….
My betting its Raz Lex coz e luvs talkin bout cock’s
But it cud b Big Jon coz u wound im up ‘s well
Yer n i hav looked up ur name very funee
Got 2 to hand it to u
This sites a laugh Mark! even wivout Lex
‘ere e aint u is e?
October 27, 2004
jentina tries to be like khia and lil kim but she doesnt seem to fit in that soz jen but i am givin u lyrical diss
October 30, 2004
I want the lyrics!!!
November 6, 2004
Lots of hormones flying around here, calm down children…
November 7, 2004
hi imlucy,im24 yearsold-i think jentina is really ugly and pathetic.im the best!
November 15, 2004
seni sikmek bana nasip olurmu acaba jentina şikişeyk ha amını yiyim senin ben basayım ciğerlerine
November 25, 2004
Hello… i think i love you … that is all pure genius … by the way i dont really love you incase you thought i was some type of internet stalker.
Louise xx
November 26, 2004
And I so wanted a stalker for Christmas. Sigh.
November 30, 2004
My friend chris saw Jentina in the Braintree V.Shop looking for her single with her mate in the bargin bin…
November 30, 2004
I did indeed see Jentina in Braintree V.Shop. I have to say she’s only about a 2-pinter… which surprised me, but then again I’ve never been that fussy.
December 11, 2004
Wot gives wiv the Lex impersonator….????
December 11, 2004
Don’no But I think the screws should’nt let him near the Prison library computer
Still it can’t be long before sum inmate pours scalding water over ‘is privates
Yes mate! even on the nonce’s wing!
The Daddys got your number!!
December 29, 2004
ha av u erds lady sovereigns diss t jentina fkin mint a tell ya!
January 4, 2005
Dam ur hide young Af-o4. I’ll have 2 scour the web hiways 2 hark 2 Mizz Sovg’s musical diss ov the one Tina
Mind u, woud it be churlish of me to say she’s being a mite sumwot over sure of herself?
Being that I ain’t noticed the gud Lady Sovg chartin’, that much herself of late!
Totally naffin to do wiv the thread cept she woz in a fight over her toon being counteracted (like Lady Sovgs dissin’)
But still, check "Miss Jamaica" by the Dancehall queen 17 yr old Ms Thing wiv toons like "Regular" ‘n’ "I want it all" (the blondie one in Bennie Man’s “Dude”)
I dunno if she’s considered chav enough coz she comes from Kingston’s Cooreville Gardens not Tivoli
However her dad woz killed in a driveby and she’s jus’ had a baby
And the toons are cuts of the Fiesta rydim produced by Dave Kelly, so u know it sting
January 19, 2005
[size=12][/size][colour=darkblue][/colour] i fink jens the most horrible singer but she is kinda pretty ill giv er that lol
January 19, 2005
omg!! i totally messed that up eh !!
January 19, 2005
January 19, 2005
Christ!
January 20, 2005
Yes, dad?
February 8, 2005
SENİ SEVİYORUM JENTİNAM
February 8, 2005
seni seviyorum jentina
http://www.supernux.tr.cx
nurullahuyar@yahoo.com
February 17, 2005
[colour=red][/colour][size=12][/size][b][/b] All you chavs, wise up! And why pretend to be her or other people thats just sad. Stop makin shit up, ya’ll dont have a life if all you can do is sit dissing jentina when you don’t know her. Eat a dick all day to all u haters!
March 15, 2005
Mark,you are a bad, bad man.
March 24, 2005
Lady Sovereign took the piss out of her in Sad Ass Strippa JENTINA IS A SLAG
April 1, 2005
[colour=darkblue][/colour][size=18][/size]
SHE IS HOT BLAD.
I WANNA SEX HER GOOD
April 8, 2005
Jentina deserved what she gt was comin 2 er 4 a long time.. sov sorted er out gd but then agen.. she sorts every1 out gd shes idz tha best big ur 2 yahz !
April 11, 2005
i hate da bitch, i think shes a loead of bolluks. i rate lady sov 2 da max jus 4 rinsin her!
April 11, 2005
*load
April 11, 2005
Blimey (or shud I say Grimey) Mark u’d think that there woz a better way to stick a pic on this blog page than paste it from a website
Had I known I wouldn’t have bothered spending hrs in fotoshop pasting Jentina and Sovg together so u cud all get a butchers ov em in their trac’s
I might add u’d fink Sov ‘ed sort her web site out ’cause the bloody fing don’t show the supposed vid that is installed there The links broken Lady! and ‘as been since Tibs eve
An wots all the fing wiv the bling 3 1/2 Ounce Sovereign rings Is u an antique dealers daughter?
Yeah, I know, I know, Trademark, Lady Sov! Still n all Thought all dat shit went out wiv ‘Medallion Man’
Don’t ave a benny bout it now fans! Sum ov u get over serious bout such posts
Both girls do their fing an seem all rite 2 me
Bes’ a luck 2 ’em