Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
August 16, 2005
I like potato pleasure and so does my sister!
August 16, 2005
Ive written a poem dedicated to my potato..
Potato Potato I need u to teach my hoop to speak,
you’re so much more appealing than a cucumber or a leek,
and my origins are obviously oh so Greek,
when i play with my potato id like to give you a peek!
October 17, 2005
well i iz finkin dat da lady sov iz a fat rappa and smokez da weed init but dis uva bird iz tryin to be sumin shez not init they dont no wat a real chav iz and dont no wat they are chattin when they speek
October 17, 2005
wat eva
October 17, 2005
‘ere’s ‘sumin’ else fe u. I no’s ppl can’t spell, but surly if u’se bigging up Mz Sov U might try to get the spellin’ ov the slang rite innit! Coz fat iz fat not phat, prat
Jezuz!
October 18, 2005
So who’s the author?
Reiterating more perversions than he oughta
Yes the ima’tater
With the glamour po’tater
Who’s mailing detailing
His orifice impaling’s
Attempt the jocular
For the paedo vernacular
Of his mono repertoire
October 18, 2005
hello everyone if anyone knows who i am write back a message to me love ya lods kelly XXxx
October 19, 2005
‘ere Battle ov da Chavs!
Tina ‘n’ Sov both got CD albums out on the same day!
blud a go run! maybe?
October 21, 2005
‘ere it looks like ‘sumin’ is conspiring to set up a cyber driveby! and kelly harper that puts u inda same time frame??Horatio an da team will make short work ov u! My advice ‘Get a good lawyer’
October 23, 2005
man….CANT BELIEVE PPL WRITE SUCH SHIT
October 24, 2005
CHAVFUCKER why comment??thats even worse!
October 27, 2005
sov is way betta dan dat stupid ghetto wannabe, shes not even a chav! shes such a freak she needs get sum proper bling if she wants b a chav, im not one but i used 2 b an i think i no a bit more than her! STUPID FUCKIN SLUT
November 9, 2005
Oh dear luks lik Sovs sold out Brit grime innit
Cee shes in tik wiv JZe n Usher
Seems she’s bout ta leve Del Chav fe da bright bling king lites ov da US ov A
Wot woz dat bout Tina nah be’in getto agin
Coz I’se 2 big up Sov n er American adventures is I?
November 19, 2005
[colour=red][/colour][size=18][/size]LADY SOVEREIGN IS SO GR8!!! jentina’s 1st song had a gd toon 2 it bt shes fukin fake fukin fake! lol. ladeee sov u r buff n u is da G! lv me bitch.xxxx
November 30, 2005
hello peeps, well the reason they have this websight is so
you can admire the pic’s and write your comment but you
have to take it that step futher and slag them off
(GROW UP)
xxxx Sarah xxxx
December 5, 2005
hello
i love da sov she is phat xxxx
December 6, 2005
Hey i am a big fan of JENTINA, she is so cool. I ordered her album and i listen everyday!!!!!!!!!!!
December 6, 2005
YEAH i luv Jentina too!!!!!
December 6, 2005
The song called Hard Times on her album is very great, I love it!! I also think that Jentina is very beautifull and for the haterzzz eat SHIT, if you have nothing to do than diss Jentina, you have no life!!!!!!!!! stupid suckersssssssss
December 6, 2005
Go girl!!!!! they are just jealous, coz they are ugly people and Jentina is beautifull and very talented, but why hate???????!!!!!!!!! Get a life, go diss your fucking ugly mom who put your afwul face on this world!!!
December 6, 2005
Jentinaaaaaaaaaa rocks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and that bitch lady sov sucks!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Jentina is tha best!!!!!!!!! And Jentina if you read this, pleesee know that you are a great girl and i know you ll be a superstar!!
December 6, 2005
YO bitch Lady Sovereign, this message i dedicate to your disgusting head, you lil brat ””GO FUCK YA MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!””’
broehhahahhahhahahahahhah You bitch, if I knew you I would put a knife in that ugly face of yours, you look like 9 years old orso, pleeeze why dont you diss Jentina??!! I don’t understand really, first look at yourslef you crap bitch and your voice (what voice anyway??) annoys me, shut up nand go to hell!!!!!!!!!!!
December 11, 2005
this is a message to koko,
you realy need to grow up because speeking like
that makes you look realy immature so if you dont
have anything nice to say then dont say anything
at all
(GROW UP)
XXXXSARAHXXXX
December 12, 2005
hello everyone xxxxx
December 12, 2005
well i thing that sov is well phat and that she soundes well good singing random xxxx
December 14, 2005
YeaH, I’m schizophrenic and I lIKE it!!!
December 14, 2005
WhY ENglisH pEOPLE alWayS DIss eaCHother and OTHer people???????? WHUhaHA that’s like……………………..sad!!!!!!!!!
*AnD SarAH__—- if I wANT to taLK liKE that, its my BUsiness…….
*If I waNt to look Immature, juzt FAce it……
I’m Like, Whatever Bitch..!!
jUst REad WHat Other PEople write aBOut JentiNA, you mEan that is MAture and NicE??????
BuT whATEVah, If YA BorN sTUPid, i Cant ChangE It Girl!
Now Go Tell A Friend..
****Kiss TO mii Girl________Chica 😉
December 14, 2005
OH LISTEN YOU FUCKING LITTLE SLAG YOU EVER SPEEK TO ME LIKE THAT AGAIN IM GUNNA HUNT YOU DOWN (death thret) DO U UNDERSTAND ME
G O O D
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR A DEAD GIRL
NOW YOU GO AND TELL A FRIEND ( if u av any)
December 15, 2005
Owwwwwww I’m scared now……….WuhAhAhhhahha, U cAn kiSs mY AsS FUckin’ Bitch!!!!
And I know that i’m a model for everyone, but that doesn’t mean U can copy mY wORdS!!!!!!!
*****Get a life!!*****
So move Bitch, Ur annoyin’ me with your shit talking
PS: Jentina is tha BEST!!!!!!!! aNd IF U hate Jentina, than why do you search for her????????? Whahhahahaaha How Stupid, but whatever You people are idiots!! No sense of shame!!
December 15, 2005
YOU WATCH YOUR BACK COZ I WILL BE WATCHING YOU LIKE A HORK
THE THING IS YOU DONT NO ANY OF MY JYPSY FAMILY HA HA
WE WILL COME AND STAB YOU UP 2 NIGHT FUCKIN CUNT
December 15, 2005
CAN’T YOU READ BITCH!!!!!!!
SHUT UP AND GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOU FUCKIN SICK SLUT, GO FUCK YOUR UGLY MUM!!!!! I DON’T NEED NO BULLSHIT FROM YOU!!!
December 15, 2005
[colour=darkred][/colour]
YOU UGLY BITCH, U BETTER FUCK OFF. U DON’T KNOW ME, IF U CONTINUE WITH TALKING LIKE THAT, I GUARANTEE U SOMETHING U WILL NEVER FORGET AND IF I BEGIN WITH THAT, I DO NOT STOP. SO DON’T UNDERATE ME BITCH….U DON’T KNOW ME, LIKE SOME PEOPLE DIDN’T KNEW. SO U BETTER PISS OF, SLUT
December 15, 2005
oh listen slut you dont no me ether and yes i can read can you?? well read this
F U C K Y O U !!!!!!!!
WHAT EVA YOU SAY WONT BOTHER ME IN THE SLIGHTEST SO GROW UP OH YOU BETTA WATCH YOUR SELF TONIGHT AND WATCH YOUR HOUSE TOMORRO NIGH S L U T
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ***C U N T***
December 15, 2005
OH BY THE WAY YOU NEED TO LURN HOW TO SPELL
AND WHAT CAN YOU SEE THROU COMPUTER SCREEN’S NOW (N O)!! WELL HOW DO YOU NO THAT IM UGLY WELL I SUPPOSE YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING IN THE MIRROR TOO LONG .
AND IF YOU BOTHER ME AGAIN IT WILL BE THE LAST THING YOU DO COZ YOU WILL BE SIX FOOT UNDER WITH A PIC AX THROUGH YOUR HEAD
December 16, 2005
DIDN’T I WARN YOU BITCH!! U REALLY DON’T KNOW ME. U dON’T KNOW ANY PERSON LIKE ME! I CAN ENSURE YOU NIGHTMARES. YOU HAVE NO CLUE ABOUT ME. SO DON’T MAKE JOKES WITH ME…COZ WHEN U REACH THAT LIMIT….U WILL SEE. KEEP POSTING COMMENTS I AM GETTING TO KNOW YOU BETTER AND BETTER. IF U KNOW WHAT I ALREADY KNEW FROM YOU, YOU WILL BE SHOCKED. I KNOW WHO U ARE….ONE THING U SHOULD KNOW THAT CHALLENGING PEOPLE U DONT KNOW, IS DANGEROUS,.
December 16, 2005
I KNOW UR NAME, WHERE YOU LIVE, WHICH SCHOOL YOU WENT, WHAT PROBLEMS YOU VE GOT….AND DONT THINK ITS A JOKE. BUT IF U KEEP POSTING. VERY STRANGE THINGS WILL HAPPEN, AND IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN SUCH THINGS AND GO ON WITH UR SHIT TALKING. THEN WAIT AND SEE AND U WILL REGRET UR BITCHING, COZ THERE WILL BE NO WAY BACK……..SO IF U DONT WANT TO COME IN PROBLEMS, U MUST NEVER COME AND POST HERE AGAIN,
THIS WAS MY LAST MESSAGE…
December 16, 2005
FUCK YOU SLUT OH NO AN I MENT TO WORRIED
WELL IM NOT AND YOU TALKIN SHIT LIKE THAT MAKE ME THINK THAT YOU ARE MENTALLY ILL
YOU NEED YOU SICK FUCKED UP TWISTED HEAD SORTED
*****C U N T ****
December 16, 2005
oh yeah your a dead girl
December 17, 2005
ERE ME NOW,
WOT UP IN DA HOOD
December 17, 2005
HELLO SOV I LOVE YOU
December 17, 2005
WELL I HATE YOU
December 21, 2005
Love the multi-personality page
Perhaps thats wot listenin’ to Jentina and Sov at the same time does to u?
January 4, 2006
HAPPY NEW YEAR
January 7, 2006
Being from western Canada, I heard Sad Arse Strippa – Lady Sovereign, first. it made me laugh and showed some talent, and it also made me curious to seek the muse. I am still pretty confused on what my feeling was watching it. if you’ve ever seen America’s Next Top Model, where beautiful women are shown in a group setting where the gloves come off, it really is painful. though fun to watch. likewise for watching a talentless white girl trying to rhyme with no rhythm.
I find it hard to believe that there was a so many manhours put into this crap and that money will be made. Purely for looks of course, I’m guilty for seeking "pictures of Jentina".
so, Mark, if you need help destroying mankind, I can give you a hand from over on this side.
January 15, 2006
Jentina is an arse Slew her sov oh yea 4got u already have! Jentina, u Gypsy bitch
January 16, 2006
ha ha
January 22, 2006
I LOVE YOU SOV
January 22, 2006
I WANT U SOV
January 24, 2006
Jentina is wonderful 🙂
Invite to first Polish source/blog about Jenitna:)
http://jentina.blog.onet.pl
January 24, 2006
why is every1 slagin jentina off when they are on her websight
that is bang out
love yu much sxy xx