Ever since I linked to this article about Jentina this site has been hit with an increasing number of searches for "pictures of Jentina." A cruel, evil, twisted madman with hate in his soul, venom in his blood, and psychopathic goblins controlling his bodily functions might try to take advantage of this traffic and concoct some poorly-formed article about the young singer in the hope of drawing in more and more of the fans desperate to gaze in awe at the next big thing to hit the UK charts for no reason other than spite. This insane genius might litter his article with phrases such as "Jentina, naked!" or "topless photos of Jentina" because he suspects that many of the "fans" are actually "perverts." Or male, which amounts to the same thing.
As pure, unadulterated, bad luck would have it I am half evil on my mother’s side.
So, for those who don’t know, let’s fill in some details about singing "sensation" Jentina and we’ll also make a bit of an effort to stop enclosing everything in "quotation marks" as it can "get" annoying when overdone or done wr"ongl"y.
Jentina is one of fourteen children to a Romany mum. We don’t know anything about her dad and just because her mum is Romany and she has thirteen siblings it would not be fair to simply assume that neither does she. Mildly amusing and quite probable, but not fair. She grew up in Surrey which, for those who don’t know, is one of the posher areas of England. It could well have been the fact that being part of an extensive family of gypsies burning things and pissing on Aston Martins in the centre of Guildford city centre is what helped get her noticed. But it’s just as likely that music producers are drawn to voids where talent is absent like moths to a collapsing binary star system inhabited by other moths with a string of bad luck that sees their binary star systems collapse with alarming regularity.
Bad Ass Strippa is the single whose release is imminent and whose video can be seen on The Box and Kiss if you’re unlucky enough to be flicking past at the wrong time on the way to Kerrang. You can also see the video to the song on Jentina‘s website. The song tells the story of Strippa, an ass bought by the poor villagers of Kingston Upon Thames with their combined savings to help them transport their wares to Olde Londone Towne. Strippa, despite being an ass, was as stubborn as a mule and as wily as the wily donkey, and ate the villagers’ wares before selling the villagers into sexual slavery in East Timor and retiring to St Tropez. What a bad ass! Jentina laments the villagers’ fate and highlights the calculating intellect of Strippa but stops short of completing the traditional folktale which sees the ass hanged and barbecued by the French for misuse of a beret.
FACT: Jentina’s name is a bastardisation of the phrase "Get in ‘ere!" often shouted by her mum when she hip-hopped too far from the caravan. Jentina’s brothers and sisters are called Whypyerarz, Geroffim, Putitdan, Poolyapantzup, Gedditoutchamoufnow, Crappineckanovawon, Farcorfatside, Yewfarcorfatsidazwel, Gosteelsumdinnah, Yewazamistayk, Yerfilfybleeda, Stopplayenwivit, and Tony.
FACT: Jentina has a hard corps of fans called the Jentina Posse. All four of them go to the same school in Woking.
FACT: Jentina has a phobia of lemons and has a recurring dream where she is used as a cocktail stirrer in a giant gin and tonic with ice and a slice.
FACT: Jentina has five tortoises. She arranges them in a pentagram around her when she needs inspiration for lyrics. The youngest tortoise, Ethel, was responsible for the line "You be getting jiggy when you listen to my rhythm" in Bad Ass Strippa.
FACT: Pictures of Jentina are hard to come by at the moment but just mentioning them will help ensnare more fans/perverts.
FACT: Jentina does not strip in the video to her song Bad Ass Strippa. She doesn’t slide up and down a pole or perform a lapdance either. At one point she pretends her hand is a phone though so that’s okay.
FACT: The Cadillac Escalade immortalised in the lyrics to Jentina’s song Bad Ass Strippa has ultrasonic rear parking assist, road-sensing suspension, a 345 horsepower V8 engine, and a complimentary sachet of wet wipes in the glove compartment to remove baby oil after a hard day’s stripping.
FACT: Jentina invented the Retard Flail dance seen briefly in the video to Bad Ass Strippa. Royalty payments from this invention alone will make her a millionaire by the time she’s 973.
FACT: There really are no decent Jentina pictures – certainly not enough to create a Jentina gallery – and I should probably stop mentioning them.
FACT: Jentina’s debut album is set for release in September. Her "Best Of" compilation album is due out in the same month.
This picture of stick-thin Jentina and pencil-physiqued (yes, physiqued!) Lady Sovereign with tracksuits glued onto the bones jutting through their skin graciously donated by huge Jentina fan Imhavin Alaughinti … 10 months after article was posted.
April 3, 2006
Helpful, You’re the BEST!!!!, i’m very impressed
xxx Dutch Girl
April 3, 2006
Actually, you are mistaken yourself. The video on YouTube proves that people have the hatred and inclination to post films up about Jentina. That’s what she inspires in the market she was attemtping to impress.
Jentina a traveller? Still don’t believe it and never will. Nor did anyone else and that’s why she flopped. Plus her music was shit and she couldn’t rap and at the end of the day – that’s important.
I agree with your ‘counteraction’ point. Which is why it is stupid for Jentina’s sister to moan about Lady Sovereign when Jentina practically invites an attack in her lyrics. If it wasn’t Sov, it would be a thousand other people.
Jentina was also being promoted as an ‘exciting urban signing from the underground’ in a time when UK rap in whatever form is undergoing a boost in popularity. It’s only natural a record label would want to manufacture a rapper and get in on the act but you can’t sell shit. Well produced shit is still shit and that’s what Jentina was. Of course she was representing female MCs – when she gets up on stage she will be judged and she was. And flopped. She thought she was an MC.
I saw her at MTV Base and the audience laughed at her. She was so shit. Did any of you see her at MTV Base live? Doubt it.
You may questions Sov’s lyrics but fact: Jay Z has signed her and Jentina’s biggest influence (she says so herself) Missy Elliot is a huge fan of Lady Sovereign. Poor Jentina. And Lady Sovereign’s diss only made light of the gypsy element because Jentina went on about it, whoring out her history to sell a shitty none hit wonder record with the worst lyrics in recent history. Most of Sad Arse Strippa actually concerns Jentina’s rapping and how shit she is rather than her ‘gypsy’ race.
April 3, 2006
Dutch Girl. You barely understand English – I’m sure that’s why you loved Jentina but darling, move on. EMI certainly have.
April 3, 2006
Calling Jentina a ‘ho’ (Americanism) would be apt considering she promoted herself as a ‘bad ass strippa’ and claimed that was her life story.
Dumb bitch.
April 4, 2006
Paul, If u hate her then what are you doin here??????? Can you explain that?
And don’t think you dissed me, cause you didn’t and yes I understand English, more than you do!
U little fuck
April 5, 2006
I’m Jentina.
You’re all just jealous of me
Because you can’t be me
Coz one day you’ll see
What I’m gonna be
The biggest rap star in history
Gypsy this and gypsy that
My tunes are bangin’
Pure phat!
Even though I look and sound and dance
Like a twat
April 8, 2006
well i had a mad passion for music and had the chance to make a record virgin then relesed french kisses with was wrong. on doing the bad ass video its true i was suffering from a condission that made me very ill and thin but just had a wonderfull baby born 4th dec 6lb11 put me back to a good weight. it makes me sad to here so many good people dedicating quilty time to typing bad words about another good hearted soul. i dont hate anyone but i swear sov will take a battering when we meet no mistake in my mind what so ever im fighting her jail or not. im no longer with keith flint that crashed a year ago. been a traveller made me me. so i will never hide that gypo is racist and is very wrong much to all your dismay iv left vigin in talks with ruffryders and have been working on a new album no record label pushing me in directions i dont wanna go the real me. im not a bad person and would give my heart and blood for anyone take it on board take care to you haters to i dont hate ya you just dont no me+++++ ps cheers mary hows it down under my lovely
April 8, 2006
the jentina above my two latest post is not me but that person needs some help by the way sov why do u talk black and dress black and platt your greasy her back and name yourself after cheep fags love
April 8, 2006
If that is really Jentina (and considering your spastic spelling I could) then know this: you irritate me. Who the fuck would want to work with a hasbeen like yourself who has had any slight credibility torn from her not by Sovereign but by your own rapping.
No record label pushing you in a direction? Your whole marketing was based on the fact you were ‘your own person’ when in fact you were a fake twat who couldn’t dance.
April 8, 2006
Let’s be polite here Jentina, I mean we are adults so let’s talk like adults.
What is the point of coming back to an industry you’ve failed in, Jentina? You had millions spent on you and people took one look at you and listened to your records and didn’t like what they heard. It wasn’t French Kisses that ruined you – it was your rapping. Deep down you know you aren’t that good.
If you ARE the real Jentina then you really need to take your own advice: you insulted Girls Aloud (which was really dumb considering you’ve sold no records) and flopped. Your album didn’t even get released – well apart from in Italy where people barely speak English.
You know you aren’t any good. And if you do come back people will be waiting with forums like this, watching your every move in public and analysing your awful lyrics. Remember that.
April 9, 2006
Paul you have nothing more to say, so go get a life.
Ignore the hate comments Jentina. These people have nothing better to do in their life 🙂
There are alot of people who support you and like your music – I’m sure the odd geek isn’t going to stop you!!
April 9, 2006
Paul….you need to get a life. It’s obvious you don’t like Jentina, but you’re a complete prat because you waste so much time talking about her.
Also, your social skills are terrible. I can’t believe you have many friends in real life if you talk to people like that.
I don’t like Billie Piper but I don’t waste my life telling the world this.
GET A LIFE and stop being a bully…
You obviously haven’t got anything better to do with your time.
Maybe if you spent less time worrying about Jentina, you’d actually get a girlfriend yourself.
I think Jentina is great and Mysterious was a great track. Good luck with the new album Jen. 🙂
April 9, 2006
"Billie Piper". I haven’t once mentioned her but now you say it she is successful, something Jentina is not. I am allowed to have my opinions as are you but let’s face it, my opinions are the ones that matter.
Jentina practically admitted she didn’t like Mysterious and French Kisses was a mistake so your sucking up won’t matter.
EDIT: If you actually knew me, you’d know there was nothing remotely geeky about me. I consider suck-ups of a failed gypsy ‘rapper’ whose album consists of tracks she didn’t even like to be even geekier than I could ever be. Though I have emailed Ruffryders PR and sent them a link to the Bad Ass Strippa video complete with all the comments made about it.
April 9, 2006
Oh and Billie never had the disgrace of not having her album released in her own country. This is something Jentina will need to bear for her whole life – the stink of failure is never far from being mentioned when her name is spoken.
April 9, 2006
paul satanic GO KILL YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!
April 9, 2006
PAUL!! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!?! Is it that you LACK the proper brain cells nescerray to display sympathy towards others’ rights and feelings?!?! You really need to find something constructive to do with your time, because if you don’t, you’ll turn into more of a dumbfuck than you already are! You don’t have any feelings towards others, you self-absorbed, ass-kissing, pretentious cunt, and i hope you fucking burn in hell for such lame, abusive, and-overall-stupid posts!
Go get a life, because you seriously need one. And i hope your minging posts get shut down, you fucking bull-dike.
April 9, 2006
OK let’s say for a minute that Jentina is crap…….. you post comments about it for what? well i have a few reasons of my own.
1. you’re insecure because you’re crap and ugly and you’ve no friends in real life, everyone hates you. And for that you’re posting comments here about Jentina, to make yourself feel better
2. you want other people to know that because you’re CRAP, being crap is OK. but they wont belive that, so you have to make up that a celeb is crap, for it to look good
3. you really want to get with Jentina Chapman, but you’re afraid she might turns you down, so you want other people to reply to you, saying what they think.
conclusion: YOU’RE BASTARD.
GET A LIFE, DON’T YOU HAVE BETTER THINGS TO DO OTHER THEN MAKE UP THINGS ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW??
April 9, 2006
Paul, it’s very sad to post such sad comments, it shows your personality, which sucks very bad.
What you’re doin’ is very childish.
You’re interested in Jentina, but because you’re ugly and pathetic, u know you haven’t any chance and you know you can’t get such girlfriends, you even can’t get girlfriends and that makes you angry, so angry you post shitcomments about Jentina, what makes you feel better
sad motherfucker
April 9, 2006
You decry my opinions and yet take the time to really insult me. That’s fine. But Jentina actually replied to my comments – this is a woman who has just given birth. What the fuck is she doing?
It really isn’t my fault her album never got released in Britain. And it isn’t my fault you have a hard time grasping the obvious.
Again, I’m rather slim and well off. My life is rather exciting, I do well for myself and am popular. Self loathing isn’t the reason I attack Jentina. I attack her because she offends me – everything she represents is vile. Women in pop music don’t need to shag people to get record contracts and that is exactly what people think of Jentina after watching her finger sucking Bad Ass Strippa video. Female MCs must HATE Jentina for setting their careers back a hundred years with shitty lyrics and awful diction.
Again, for all your insults my intelligence speaks for itself. Jentina is a failure. She knows that and so do you. Let’s not fight like children.
EDIT: I am very sympathetic towards people. I am a nice person. I just dislike certain people. Jentina fans (all three of them) are rather stupid and can barely spell like their idol. What a spastic.
April 10, 2006
Paul
Wots ur game den? Trying out for a career in the Church (The Evangelical wing I would say)?
Or practising carving a niche out for ur self with auld Doc Paisley in N Ireland’s DUP
maybe?
Alternately, may I don my doctor’s hat and advice u of the benefit of seeking a number of sessions on a psychiatrist’s couch over this mentalyloopedjentinaobsession
Following ur direction I managed to access ‘youtube’ to judge for myself the validity of ur assertions
It did not escape my notice that the majority of comments on the various Jentina videos, purport to carry your name
Yes I saw the 30 sec approx video ov the TWO schoolgirls. It hardly merits u sexing it up rather luridly as ‘The teenagers and kids Jentina sucked her fingers off to impress’
Two people Paul Two! For all I know, they are your sisters, or in your ‘Mr rather slim n well off’ persona, you could have quite easily afforded, hiring them to perform
Can’t see a ’Spontaneous Orange’ Revolution, or a tide ov pop punters ‘People’s Power’ sweeping all things Jentina before it ‘n’ installing Sov as the tru queen ov Rap, going by dat as evidence though? Paul!
A bit like Colin Powell standing up in the UN wiv his photoshopped images ov Saddam’s WOMD’s! Innit, if u think about it
I suggest ur fabulous wealth may also offer u the alternative of black market drugs A quantity of reefers (skunk or senci buds is the best I believe) could easily be obtained!
U light n suck on them like a cigarette
U could then relax ur Jentina obsession by listening to Whale music, whilst mentally bathing in the soothing effects of the herb
True I never saw the MTV video, so your statement regarding it, is little more than subjective hearsay, and would be inadmissible in a court of law
Produce it or its URL
Further your contrived reasonableness, is often ruined by frequent Paisleylike outbursts detailing a vitriolic hatred, which is not solely confined to the subjects singing ability, but unreasonably expands to her sex, (alleged) morals, and ethnicity
Neither is it enhanced by ur lecturing others on their implied childishness whilst blithely ignoring urself as u throw all the toys out of the pram
I also deduce your simple Catholic like faith in the miraculous apparition ov Jentina on this list. Paul Puts u in mind ov Lourdes huh! Spooky eh!
Especially since this is a spoof site n Jentina jus’ happened by! Extremely fortunate
As for Dutch Girl barely speaking English! She seems to be holding her own against u Prof Higgins!
Finally clearly ur not as sympathetic or nice as me, as seemingly, your self advertised illustrious personality magic n’ gentlemanly qualities are inexplicably lost on wee Dutch Girl, so Tuff
April 10, 2006
i nver liked mysterious or french kisses i wanted to release more rap based songs but the label weren’t keen after bad ass didn’t do well i am never going to be controlled by men again and i will be bigger than beyonce. its my wish
April 10, 2006
You’re a dork and you look like a fool in your videos. If you aren’t good at something, you give up and stop pretending.
April 10, 2006
Paul, get a fuckin’ grip before you get sectioned.
For fuck sake! Get a grip!
Here lets try this, Imagine my voice saying over n over again ‘Listen to me Paul It ain’t real. It ain’t real, look into my eyes, the eyes, the eyes, yours are getting heavy, sleep, sleep, your going under and sleep…
When I click my fingers, you will wake up forgetting you ever visited this site, now go out and buy a violin and study classical music
April 11, 2006
Haha! well said
April 11, 2006
There are enough artists I don’t like, but I have better things to do then diss them on the internet.
Like some people here, Paul ‘Pathetic’
April 11, 2006
i don’t know why people say things like that it sin’t right im too busy with my album to care what haters think of me i hope you (my fans who i really care about) like my new songs.
April 11, 2006
If you are the ”real” Jentina, then ignore the stupid haters, you’ve got fans too and I think you are GREAT. Keep up the good work!
April 18, 2006
Jentina.
If only I were allowed to dish out social justice. Thankfully society has seen fit to elevate morally responsible people to those positions of power. I’m just another pleb drowning in the resevoir of musical effluence. Your fifteen seconds of fame appears to be over. But what have they got in store for us next I wonder? Hopefully some kind of biologically absurd gestalt that goes insane and turns on its masters. A bit like Robbie Wiliams only four times the size and with lasers for hands.
April 24, 2006
hello peepz,
well there are a lot of slagging matches going on here and if you lot aint got anything betta to do than bitch i suggest you get a life
xx
May 3, 2006
it’s great isn’t it that she really has no talent… and her voice is much less acceptable than a small child dying.. but you know europeans… compeltely engrossed in culture yet having to look to a 15 year old hoe (type of gardening tool) for talent… it’s quite sad actually… and she does look a little too much like a deflated barbie doll.. sounds like one too.. tsk tsk
May 5, 2006
Yo I love love jentina bad ass strippa + others and her, got how I would love to bonk her brains out if she was available.
May 5, 2006
If that is really u jen on her, which i dont believe, u wanna try releasing ur album un the uk
May 15, 2006
hi jentina omg wez lisen 2 the songg by lady soverign she is harsh u sud write her a song back sayin how she thinkz she frm d getto
wez olliez m8z we alwayz @ olliez
June 13, 2006
lady sov 4 life
she is well fit better than that slag jentina
jen who????????????????
neva f_u_ckin erd of er she is she
July 12, 2006
This seems like such a long time ago. It’s difficult to believe that Jentina was once hyped as the next big thing – even Lily Allen is slagging her off as a music industry mistake. that’s how she will be remembered from now on.
It’s strange.
July 23, 2006
Jentina and Lady Sov are both think they’re well "ghetto" inniitt.. they’re annoyin altho i do lyke lady sovs version of Jentina’s but ye . . neiva of thm 2 r dey jus chavs.
July 27, 2006
wow, was that even an ATTEMPT to be intelligent or is your stupidity genetically inherent?
July 30, 2006
jentina sucks lady soverigne was right to diss you!!! i i saw you on da bus trying to be harcore you crap!!! even my sis raps better than you lol!!!
July 30, 2006
"jentina sucks lady soverigne was right to diss you!!! i i saw you on da bus trying to be harcore you crap!!! even my sis raps better than you lol!!!"
Everyone raps better than Jentina. She’s the worst rapper ever.
August 2, 2006
omg… Lady Sovereign is soo much better than Jetina… she only had like 2 songs that even did "alright" S.O.V … Well done on stripper diss! =D xx
August 7, 2006
Mary Sheila chapman…. I am from Australia… Why would you come to Aus to progress your music career?? All the Aussies go over to the Uk or Los angeles. Just doesnt make sense. Anyways if your ever in Sydney we should hook up. I’d love to be with the sister of a bad as.s stripper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
August 13, 2006
iv seen her in Earls Court i fink well i swear i have! ((im tlkin bout lady sovereign))
lots of love
yunga sovereign
August 22, 2006
Jentina is now a single mother raising her baby. I think she suits this life, it is very kind to her.
http://www.jentina.biz
August 23, 2006
I cee Paul is still trawlin’ the web in ‘is sad quest for information so he can continue commenting on Jentina’s life and almost hospitalises his’elf strainin’ in an attempt to put sum bleedin’ humour into his comments (sorry u’ve failed miserably Paul)
He has repackaged ‘is user name by droppin’ the Satanic part ov it to appear more user friendly…….
August 26, 2006
I think you rule and loved French Kisses and would love to love you – M x
August 27, 2006
I was complimenting her. Motherhood suits Jentina better than a career in music.
August 29, 2006
I am not a fan of Jentina
September 2, 2006
I THINK THAT ALL OF SHOULD THINK THAT LADNY.S TRYIN TO BE BLACK
September 2, 2006
jentina is soo stupid hu the hell does she think she is
she’s a wanna be lady S.O.V is well beltaz and at least she down to earth
September 3, 2006
JENTINA UR A F.U.C.K.I.N.G P.I.K.E.Y AND UR ‘F.U.C.K.I.N.G FAKE’ YYEESSS CMON LADY SOVEREIGN